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Monday, November 22, 1999

QUESTION

Asalaam Aleykum sister Bilqis,

Inshallah you and those closest to you are doing well. I'm in a very tough spot right now. I have known this person that I'm deeply in love with for about 8 years and we've been through a lot together. Unfortunately we drifted apart for a couple of years and when I heard that he was more into our beautiful religion than before I longed to speak to him again. We started talking on the phone over a period of 6 months and he said he had always loved me and wondered if I would consider being his wife. I happily said yes and I thought things would get better and better everyday. But he moved to an Islamic country to learn more about Islam.

I'm so happy for him and only want his happiness. But now I feel as if he has forgotten me. We both made neyat to become husband and wife, but after 6 months of his departure he never called me or wrote me. I feel as if he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I'm sooooo depressed, can you help me? He also said if I have the opportunity to get married while he's gone to do it, why would he say that?

Humbly yours,

-Confused

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear "Confused",

Sometimes, our emotions for a person are so strong we can't see the obvious. Even though you and this Muslim brother were/are friends, it seems pretty clear that he wasn't asking you to wait for him nor making any commitments to return to you.

You can only take him at his word. His last message seemed straightforward and it was good of him not to leave you with a false impression. It's time to move on with optimism and hope for the best. Turn to Allah (swt) and He will help you through any hurt and bad feelings.

-Bilqis