Muslim Matrimonials and More's Ask Bilqis


Monday, November 6, 2000


Dear Bilqis,

Well a year from now one of my friends, a girl, had introduced me to one of her online brothers..and we have been talking online for about a year now. It's not like we have ever talked about anything indecent, we talk in a respectful manner, and he sometimes jokes around, too.

We both are aware of our religion... and we know how it is haraam to have girlfriends or boyfriends. But over time we both have grown interested in each other.. and he has told me that he wants to marry me, but right now is too soon, I'm only 18... the situation is too hard to explain...and I am really confused as to what should be done..and what shouldn't. I really don't want to do anything that is Haraam or isn't right.. and I do have faith in Allah.. that if this man is good for me one day we will be together. So i just needed some advice on this.. is talking to a non-mahram guy online wrong? And this is the only way we know each other which is through the internet...we haven't met, but we have seen each other's pictures. We havent done anything wrong, just talked online, but the question that keeps coming up on my mind is if Islaamicaly is all this acceptable.

Well I hope you will be able to help me out here, because right now I really need it. I have been looking through and trying to learn more about our religion, and it is masha'Allah a good source, but I'm still confused about this situation.

khuda hafiz

- Please Help Me


Dear "Please Help Me",

Online communication, in and of itself, is not haram. You seem level-headed and aware of the limits that Islam sets in such a situation. To that , however, I would offer the following advice. Such a "relationship" for a Muslim man and woman should be for the purposes of ascertaining suitability for marriage. This should be the niyyat (intention) of your communications. You say he has asked you to marry him, but now is not a good time for you. Perhaps you need to decide when will be a good time or if not at all. I think to continue the communication without any definite direction could eventually get into haram territory. What would be the purpose if not marriage?

I don't know what your particular circumstances are, but it would be best to try and make a decision and not just continue being "friends" without the intention of marriage. If you can't marry now, maybe you should think about possibilities for the near future. Long engagements are generally not a good idea especially if one of the parties is eager to get married sooner.

If you would like to pursue marriage in the future, you could begin to make plans, i.e. discussing it with your parents and assessing exactly what things you need to deal with to open the way for marriage. Some people marry when they finish school, etc., but you need to make a decison whether you want to marry this young man or not and then proceed accordingly. If not, you should discontinue the relationship because it is definitely, at this stage, moving in the direction of marriage. The young man too, should be made aware of your true feelings so that he can move on and perhaps find someone who is ready for marriage like he seems to be. One year is too long to be talking without intentions of marriage.

-Bilqis Muslim Matrimonials