Monday, November 6, 2000
Well a year from now one of my friends, a girl, had introduced
me to one of her online brothers..and we have been talking online
for about a year now. It's not like we have ever talked about
anything indecent, we talk in a respectful manner, and he sometimes
jokes around, too.
We both are aware of our religion... and we know how it is
haraam to have girlfriends or boyfriends. But over time we both
have grown interested in each other.. and he has told me that
he wants to marry me, but right now is too soon, I'm only 18...
the situation is too hard to explain...and I am really confused
as to what should be done..and what shouldn't. I really don't
want to do anything that is Haraam or isn't right.. and I do
have faith in Allah.. that if this man is good for me one day
we will be together. So i just needed some advice on this.. is
talking to a non-mahram guy online wrong? And this is the only
way we know each other which is through the internet...we haven't
met, but we have seen each other's pictures. We havent done anything
wrong, just talked online, but the question that keeps coming
up on my mind is if Islaamicaly is all this acceptable.
Well I hope you will be able to help me out here, because
right now I really need it. I have been looking through Zawaj.com
and trying to learn more about our religion, and it is masha'Allah
a good source, but I'm still confused about this situation.
- Please Help Me
Dear "Please Help Me",
Online communication, in and of itself,
is not haram. You seem level-headed and aware of the limits that
Islam sets in such a situation. To that , however, I would offer
the following advice. Such a "relationship" for a Muslim
man and woman should be for the purposes of ascertaining suitability
for marriage. This should be the niyyat (intention) of
your communications. You say he has asked you to marry him, but
now is not a good time for you. Perhaps you need to decide when
will be a good time or if not at all. I think to continue the
communication without any definite direction could eventually
get into haram territory. What would be the purpose if not marriage?
I don't know what your particular circumstances
are, but it would be best to try and make a decision and not
just continue being "friends" without the intention
of marriage. If you can't marry now, maybe you should think about
possibilities for the near future. Long engagements are generally
not a good idea especially if one of the parties is eager to
get married sooner.
If you would like to pursue marriage
in the future, you could begin to make plans, i.e. discussing
it with your parents and assessing exactly what things you need
to deal with to open the way for marriage. Some people marry
when they finish school, etc., but you need to make a decison
whether you want to marry this young man or not and then proceed
accordingly. If not, you should discontinue the relationship
because it is definitely, at this stage, moving in the direction
of marriage. The young man too, should be made aware of your
true feelings so that he can move on and perhaps find someone
who is ready for marriage like he seems to be. One year is too
long to be talking without intentions of marriage.