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Monday, April 9, 2001

QUESTION:

Assalaamu Alaykum Sister Bilqis,

Um, I'm needing some advice, Insha'Allah you can help me. I'm a newly revert to this wonderful religion Islam, my family is from the Christian background, and along with that my parents are ministers and missionaries.

At this point I'm dealing with a possible marriage to a brother from an Islamic African country. His family is very strict in the deen of Islam. And his family really doesn't approve of this marriage taking place because of my family.

This isn't the first time that this has happened to me, that a marriage would fall through because of my non-Muslim family background. And I really don't know what to do. I'm kind of scared of marrying him, knowing that I won't be accepted in his family because of my background status, which I can't help. sometimes I just want to leave this engagement, but I'm afraid and very confused.

May Allah *swt* guide you on this matter. Thank you. Assalaamu Alaykum.

-Confused Muslimah

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Confused Muslimah,

Marrriage is intended to be a serious commitment that will hopefully last for a long time. The circumstances that you are facing need deep consideration. This is not an easy situation for you, converting to another faith with your parents being Christian missionaries.

I can only suggest that you take some time in making this marriage decision. Ideally, it is preferrable that family members approve of your marriage. It makes life easier for everyone involved. As Muslims too, we are also told to maintain family ties and often times being a convert truly puts this to the test. Perhaps you can try to see if the families can at least somehow make for a "peaceful arrangement." If not, you might want to wait for a situation that will be more peaceful. You don't want to bring children into a situation in which there is much bad feeling between families and disruptive, hostile or unfriendly behavior. However, the final decision will be between you and your intended spouse. Whatever you decide, strive to approach the situation realistically and be prepared to handle the consequences of your decision with patience and trust in Allah.

I would suggest that you perform salatul-istikhara which consists of two rakahs and saying dua for Allah to guide you to the best decision. This prayer can be found in most Muslim prayer books such as Prayers of the Prophet and also, Prayers of Muhammad (pbuh). My best wishes to you and may Allah grant you a peaceful and happy marriage in your future.

- Bilqis