Muslim Matrimonials and More's Ask Bilqis


Monday, September 3, 2001


Dear Bilqis,

Assalamu Alaykum. I am a 15 year old girl who was born and is living in America. My parents are semi-religious people, meaning they do not force me to wear a hijab or prohibit me from speaking to boys on general topics. My problem is that although I know the Islamic values I still get the urge to do something sinful such as dating boys. Although I have never engaged in such acts, some of my Muslim friends have. I know this is not right, but for some reason I want to do the same. I know the punishment for doing such things are severe and it DOES scare me to think about what will happen to me in the afterlife if I do engage in such sinful acts. I am not sure of how to supress these feelings. I try to read namaz everyday and read the Quran. But I also get discouraged from doing these things too.

I need help but I am not sure of what to do. Can you please give me some pointers, maybe even some extra duas to recite?

Khdua Hafiz,

- Young Sister


My Dear "Young Sister",

You are probably experiencing what many young muslims your age are also going through, living in un-Islamic environments. I am glad that you are trying to fight these feelings and striving to do the right thing. Please keep up your reading of Qur'an, being regular in your salats and making duaa' to Allah (swt) to help and guide you through this.

If you are attending a co-educational school, where young men and women mix freely, perhaps you can seek out either an Islamic school or an all-girl school in your area. This is one of the areas that we as adult Muslims have failed our Muslim children. It is really unfair to put you in an un-Islamic situation because it makes it difficult for you to practice your religion, which I believe you really want to do. Yet, Islamic schooling for our older children (high school level) tends to be very limited if not almost nonexistent. I speak from experience.

I would suggest that you talk with an adult, perhaps your mother, about the things you have written to me. Besides prayer and reading of Qur'an you should think in terms of changing your environment if at all possible. Investigate the possibility of going to an all-girl high school in your area while also looking into Muslim youth groups that you might join. Also, try to find a Muslim sister and friend your age who is striving to avoid haram activities and practice her Islam. If you must, try to avoid those friends who may persist in doing haram things, not because you hate them, but if they will not change, you must protect yourself. As Muslims, we should hate the haram action and not the person, for perhaps Allah (swt) may change the person's heart one day. Regarding special duaas, try to obtain a Muslim prayer book and find the approriate duaas or surahs to strengthen your resolve and increase your Faith (Iman). My prayers and best wishes for success are with you.

- Bilqis Muslim Matrimonials