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April 2006

This question is being answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

As salam alekum, I am 58 yrs old, look like 45 and in good health. My children are grown and on their own, my husband left me few years back.

Now a young man who is never married and is almost 40 wants to marry me. He was engaged long time back but the girl chose a Christian American instead of him.

So the question is should I take interest in him or not to get married?

Allah hafiz

-Fatima

WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Fatima,

As far as the simple question of an older woman marrying a younger man, although there are taboos against it in many cultures, from an Islamic standpoint there is nothing wrong with it. As you know, we have the precedent of the marriage of our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) to Khadijah (ra). She was fifteen years older than him and he remained with her, marrying no one else, until she passed away.

I certainly don't wish to stand in the way of two people joining in a beautiful union as Muslims. But since you are asking my advice, I am obligated to point out both sides of the equation. It's possible that you could be very happy with this man, and he with you. But there are certain points you must consider carefully:

1. Children: Obviously this will be a childless marraige. Does this man understand that and can he accept it? If he accepts it now, will be still be satisfied to be childlesss in five or ten years?

2. Physical attraction: In 12 years you will be 70 years old, while he will be what, about 50? What will be the nature of your physical and sexual relationship at thtat time? Will he still be satisfied, or will he seek a younger wife, perhaps as a second wife? If he does that, how would you react?

3. Your grown children: Will they accept this man or will it cause a rift between you and them? Are you willing to accept that consequence?

4. Society's reaction: I am not one of those people who places great emphasis on what other people think. But it can be very uncomfortable when those people with whom you normally socialize, are disapproving or critical of your lifestyle. Will your friends and associates be accepting of this relationship? And if they are not, how will that affect you?

These are all questions that you will have to answer for yourself before you make a decision.

I hope this information will prove helpful. I also hope that you will find happiness and comfort in whatever decision you make. My prayers and best wishes to you.

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!

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