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Monday, April 12, 1999

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

I had a very dear love take my heart. It was the greatest thing to fall in love when I thought it could never be. He married me in our tribe's way because I am Native American Indian. He said he would never leave me.

After we married he went to Saudi Arabia to work, and said he would return. When we talked over the Internet and on the phone....he told me many things of the Holy Quran. I found something in him that no other person could ever make me see. He showed me the Arabs pray like this and that they have peace, love, and to be humble before God. Time went by and he never came, so I called him in Saudi Arabia, and he said his company would not give up his visa. So I called his family in Jordan and they said to me, "Oh, we did not know of this at all."

Now I have discovered that he has asked another to marry him because she is of younger age at 20. I cried and cried, waiting to see his face and hear him say this was not true. So I called him once again and asked him about this. He said to me "I really thought you would never come to me. Can you come to Saudi Arabia and marry me here?" I said yes, but then they said to me you have no Special Stamp on your visa to go there.

I went to visit his family in Jordan and they were so nice, but the loneliness is now killing me without him by my side. This Eid he will engage to another and have this big party all having so much fun. Many tell me that he did this to me only to get something of money for him to be able to marry this girl faster, it was like a plan from the start. I have told them that no one could be this cold at heart and say and do all the things he did to have me fall in love with him. My pain will never go away and will take me to my grave. My tribe says I am his wife and he is my husband in the eyes of God forever. How can I go one and live without his love? My Grandfather says in the eyes of God I still am his wife and I can never be with anyone other than him. This is the custom of my people.

I am now a Muslim....I have been going to the Mosque and trying to learn the ways. I wear hijab only to have people say, "Take this off, you look silly and we do not like to be seen with you." I love God and I pray more then five time a day... I believe in the Prophet Muhammad and the Holy Quran. I do these things to Please God and I am not ashamed, but all the others say to me, "How can you believe in the Muslims when they lie to you? Besides, you cannot be both Native American and Muslim."

All I can do is pray and pray for God to help me. Shukran for your time. I feel you have alot of heart and can understand my pain. I have no one to talk to with this.

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Sister,

I was moved by your request for advice. You display both patience and perseverance in the face of adversity, each praiseworthy traits for a good muslim.

Your question involves several parts. I can sympathize with your sadness and sense of loss. This is a natural human response. Your desire for proper Islamic guidance in the situation, however, illustrates that you recognize the answer to all problems can be found humanely and justly in ISLAM.

If you are now a muslim, you must first be married by a muslim according to the standards of Islam (i.e. with the Name of Allah and with witnesses present). If this has not happened, by muslim law (shariah), you are a single muslim woman. If the "brother" is not willing to pursue a proper muslim wedding, then there can be no further relationship.

It would be best for you to get involved with a nearby muslim community and seek the advice of a learned person or persons (e.g.the Imam or Shura Council). There also exists on the internet, sites for new converts to Islam and also sites for asking questions of muslim scholars. You should continue to respect your grandfather and others of your tribe, but at the same time, explain to them in a kind and courteous manner the ways of Islam regarding these matters. (Surely, in some situations it would be inhumane for a woman to be bound for life in a "bad" marriage.)

You are a free, believing woman and if you continue with fervent prayer and trust in Allah, He will surely grant you a good muslim husband, perhaps even through "Zawaj.com"! Our Beloved Prophet (pbuh) showed great concern for GOOD TREATMENT OF WOMEN. Remember this during times of difficulty and "verily that with every difficulty there is relief."

-Bilqis