Monday, April 26, 1999
Alssalmu Alaikum. I am a muslim woman I am 42 years old. I
have been divorced for three years. I have two kids; the boy
is 10 and the other one is only six. My problem is that I am
very lonely. You see as a muslim woman I can not talk to men.
I am not young to seek marriage ( even if I want to ) and men
usually don't like to marry women with children from previous
marriage. I only have one relative in this area and he is always
busy. I work but still I feel like a desert inside of me. I am
very lonely and it kills me. My children are too young and the
generation gap is vast between us. Do you have any suggestion.
Jazaki Allahu Khairan,
Dear Sister Sanaa,
Your letter is heartfelt. I can surely
sympathize with your feelings of loneliness and find them understandable.
I have a couple of thoughts for you though: "GET BUSY,"
and "NEW ATTITUDE!!"
Busy yourself doing things YOU enjoy:
get an exercise video, join a book club, go to lunch with a friend
and very importantly get involved with a muslim community near
you. Many communities have programs and activities for sisters
and children that are both fun and educational. There are many
sites on the internet, there are videos and cd's whereby you
and the children could increase your Islamic knowledge through
games and study. Volunteer your time (when able) to muslims and
neighbors in less fortunate positions than yourself. There is
so much to learn and so much to do (that in the meantime doesn't
REQUIRE a husband). GET BUSY!!
Get a NEW ATTITUDE. You are a muslim
lady striving to maintain herself in a proper Islamic manner.
Allah (subhanaa wa t'ala) can only reward such noble effort with
many blessings. Your age will not be a "problem" for
a brother who recognizes the wisdom and spiritual growth that
comes with age. The children will not be a " problem"
for a brother who realizes the blessings and wonderful opportunities
that come in raising children. You must believe this and accept
nothing less because you deserve nothing less. Marriage is important
for a muslim, hence there are many services on the internet (e.g.
"zawaj.com"!), in muslim journals, and through your
local communities to assist a single muslim in getting married.
Remember too, it is important to read
Holy Qur'an daily because it is a Light(NUR) and Strengthener
against the trials of this life. Fasting is prescribed to decrease
sexual appetite as well. May this dua from Prayers of the Prophet
assist you: "Allah! improve my religious life, For that
is to be my refuge; And improve my worldly life, For I have to
live it; And prepare me for the afterlife, To which I shall have
to return; And make this life a means to achieve every kind of
good; And turn death into a bliss before any evil state supervenes."
My prayers and best wishes are with