Muslim Matrimonials and More's Ask Bilqis


Monday, May 10, 1999


Dear Bilqis,

Assalamu Alikuk akhiti, May Allah please you for all that you do for His cause ...

I have a question that is urgent and I hope you find it in your heart, fe sabeel Allah, to help this poor servant of Allah... please.

Well, I have been blessed to meet this Muslim sister from a matrimonial ad and now we are thinking about engagement and marriage for the sake of completing half of our deen, Inshallah. Now, we are facing a problem that could significantly affect our marriage plan. Our parents will not appreciate the fact that we have met through a matrimonial ad!

Please let me know if you could help us in any way, what can we do to not "mention the matrimonial deal" to our parents. What can we do and still please Allah!? Just to mention: we both have a desire to marry in the near future ... Please help us if you are able. I am really hoping that you can help find an Islamic approach to this problem ... Inshallah.

Jazaky Allah Kahir ....

Walikum Alssalam,
-concerned brother

P.S. please do NOT mention my name if you decide to post this ... May Allah bless you and increase your ranks in faith and taqwah, Inshallah.



Dear Concerned Brother,

You have presented a very interesting situation in your question. There are a few issues raised here. With the advent of the Internet and increased access, more Muslim couples will probably be meeting this way.

As presented, there seems to be nothing unlawful (haram) about the manner in which you and the sister have come together, as long as you have not been meeting one another in private. But to simply exchange messages over the internet seems like a halal and wholesome way to communicate, provided the topics of discussion are not haram in nature. Hopefully, you have spent time discussing life goals and generally discovering whether you have the potential for a compatible relationship and similar understanding of their mutual Islamic rights and responsibilities in marriage.

Most parents desire a "good mate" for their child and if this is fulfilled there will Insha'Allah be little objection. As we know, Islam requires that great respect and honor be shown to our parents. That being the case, it would be wrong to mislead them about the circumstances of meeting. The bottom line is that the parents must be told the truth about how the two of you met.

That having been said, perhaps there is a Muslim elder or a local Iman who could counsel you on HOW to handle the situation in an UPRIGHT, Islamic manner. One suggestion: you tell your father everything, and then you and your father could go to the woman's hometown, meet with the Imam and explain to him the situation, and ask him to meet with the woman's father and inform him that someone is interested in his daughter. Once you meet with her father, then you can discuss everything with him and tell him the whole truth. Perhaps upon meeting you and your father face to face and talking with you, he will see that you are a good person from a good family and not some anonymous crazy person chatting on the internet. I doubt he would have any objections at that time regarding the internet issue.

May Allah (swt) guide them to that which is Best.

-Bilqis Muslim Matrimonials