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Monday, May 31, 1999

QUESTION

Bilqis, Asalamu Alaekum!

My husband and I have been married 4 years. We have children. He's a good Muslim, prays, and does all his wajibaat. He treats me very nicely and has always been there for me. I really don't have any complaints against him. We both love each other. However, he now wants to get married to another woman, as his second wife, while still being married to me. Now I know that this is permitted, but I don't know how to deal with this. Is it possible for a man to love two women at the same time? I have never been in a situation like this and naturally there is "fear of the unknown." Is there something wrong with me or my husband that he wants to bring in second woman into the family? Is it wrong for "her" to do this to me? Any advice, comments, suggestions, and/or referrals to other women in my situation would be appreciated. Thanks.

-afraid of the unknown

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Sister,

Regarding polygamy, Al-Qur'an states: "...Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four, but if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." (4:3)

 

Your "fear of the unknown" is only natural. It IS possible for a man to love more than one woman. Allah (swt) is Kind and Merciful and would not intend a "loveless marriage" for Muslim women. As in any marital situation, the best course is to always practice Islamic etiquette (want for your brother/sister what you want for yourself), to seek a compatible mate (whether first, second,etc.), to fully acquaint yourselves with the rights and responsibilities for ALL PARTIES in a polygamous marriage. Check hadith on the subject of polygamy and also legal aspects (shariah).

At face value, it would not be wrong for her to marry your husband and by the same token you should not think there is something wrong with you. Whether your husband may decide to marry again or not, you should continue to be a loving wife, keeping your Islamic responsibilities as wife and mother. It can be a difficult situation and/or one that can give the opportunity for many bessings. Always remember to take things in the spirit that Allah (swt) intends for us - and we know that for us He only intends Good.

May Allah grant you the GOOD of what is decided.

-Bilqis