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Monday, June 7, 1999

QUESTION

Dear Bilqis,

I have a question that bothers me a lot: Why should we marry .. what is the meaning of marriage exactly?

I've seen a lot how husbands underestimate their wives, they believe that their wives can't live without their support. As a human being I have ambitions too, and I am afraid marriage can be my obstacle to reach what I've been dreaming of.

I'm still single now, never had a boyfriend. Please tell me what should I do, because I'm really confused. Thanks for your answer.

-Diane Y.

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear "Dian Y",

It is true that marriage is strongly encouraged in Islam, and once undertaken becomes a very important part of your life. I would suggest you read "Merits and Disadvantages of Marriage" by Imam al-Ghazali and also some of the many hadiths provided under the "Books of Marriage". All graciously provided for you here at Zawaj.com!

The necessity and immediacy of marriage depends on the individual. If you feel no immediate need to marry, that is to say, you can fulfill your Islamic duties, and feel no PHYSICAL NEED to marry, then you can plan to marry in the future. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said that marriage was his practice, and as Muslims we should follow his example! So a muslim should INTEND to marry for mutual love, companionship and Insha'Allah children.

Also, remember that in Islam, marriage is a contractual agreement. As a Muslim lady you can stipulate certain conditions for your marriage, such as finishing school, pursuing certain goals in life, etc. If a husband-to-be agrees to these conditions, he is bound by them. So, continue to give the question of marriage serious thought, pursue your goals, and pray for a brother who will appreciate and complement you when the time is right. Best wishes, and may Allah grant you guidance and tranquility in your actions.

-Bilqis