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Monday, June 12, 2000

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

My name is T. (I'm a Muslim). I'm in love with a girl called R. She is three years younger than me. We were friends for three years but recently I felt that I have to do some sexy things with her, and in Islam this is haram (illegal), so we tried to find a way to make it legal. We tried to get married but her parents said that she is still too young for that and that we should wait till she is 25, and that wouldn't help, so we wrote down on a paper that she wants to marry me and I also want to, then I asked a sheikh and he said you can do so, and it's called in Islam (ZAWAJ 'ORFI). I didn't do anything with her yet, but I really need to know if she is my wife now or not, and can we do things or not ....

Trust me, I'm not playing but I really love her and I need her. We decided to hide this thing from her parents till she is 25 and then we will ask them again and make a new contract for marriage .....

Is that halal or haram? Please help me as soon as you can.

Thanks for your attention.

-T.

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear "T",

I am not familiar with the procedure you have mentioned (i.e. that you were told by a sheikh to write down that you both mutually agree to marry). I must remind you that I am not an Islamic scholar nor do I intend to make any type of legal judgements. I will give information I have regarding Islamic marriage and discuss the pros and cons of your situation.

The following information is provided from resources here at Zawaj.com and
is taken from MARRIAGE AND FAMILY IN ISLAM by Muhammad Mazhar Hussaini.

Primary Requirements (of a Muslim marriage)

1. Mutual agreement by the bride and the groom.
2. Two adult and sane witnesses.
3. Agreed-upon mahr (marriage gift) to be paid by the groom either immediately or deferred, or a combination of both.

In your case, it would appear that you have met only one of these conditions.

Secondary Requirements (of a Muslim marriage)

1. Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride.
2. Written marriage contract signed by the bride and the groom and witnessed by 2 sane adult witnesses.
3. Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person [Muslim] officiating the marriage ceremony).
4. Khutbah-tun-Nikah (sermon) to solemnize the marriage.

Again, in your case, you seem to have fulfilled none of these conditions.

The above points having been presented, I would suggest you and the sister
seriously consider the impact of your getting married to your lives and
other family members. You did not mention your ages nor economic status
which are important factors when considering marriage. I'm not saying that
you have to be rich, but you do need to be able to support a wife in a
reasonable manner. Also, trying to keep a marriage secret is not a good
idea. A marriage should be of public knowledge. What if a child is
conceived?

It is important however, providing you have the means and you both are
adults, that if you fear committing sin you should make the best
preparations for marriage and do it in the best of manners, that is
publicly and informing your families. And prepare yourselves for any trials
that may ensue. I suggest you both seriously weigh the "good and bad"
prospects of marrying or not marrying at this time. Marriage is meant to be
a life-long committment from which children are born and a family is
established and nurtured. Don't forget, your families do not have final say
(if you are independent adults) but their feelings should be weighed out of
love and respect, while also the Prophet (saw) has advised fasting when
sexual abstinence is required of us. Perform Salaatul-Istikhaarah and
sincerely seek Allah's guidance before making any final decisions, seek
counsel of someone in authority in a nearby Muslim community, and observe
proper Islamic etiquette in your dealings with one another. If we follow
Allah's guidance, with faith and trust, things truly become easier.

-Bilqis