Monday, June 14, 1999
I am a simple, moderate person. My family and I are from Pakistan
but moved to the U.S. six years ago after living ten years in
the Middle East. I am a caring, loving person and gave my wife
whatever she wanted. My wife is stubborn and short-tempered.
She has had a personality change since coming to America. I am
facing an attitude of, quote: "I will do anything I want
and I will wear anything I want!"
I just can't compromise on this attitude but I don't want
to lose her. She prays and fasts only in Ramadhan. I tried my
best to talk to her many times, but she ignores me. I believe
in the philosophy that a husband and wife should live for each
other. But here, I am facing a dictatorial attitude.
I involved her brother and sister, but that backfired. She
told me, "You called my brother and sister, and did I change?
America proved to be a land of financial opportunity for me,
but the cost is very high. I am not the first case like this.
What's your best advice? Thanks. Please address me as...
- A Desperate Husband
Dear "Desperate Husband",
The best advice I can give you is to
try and return to a more Islamic environment. You are fortunate,
in that, you have lived in different Muslim countries. If you
feel you have exhausted every other means of persuasion, there
seems no other alternative. Since you have already lived and
worked in Pakistan and the Middle East, you have some notion
I'm sure, of what it would take to return.
If she is not making Salat daily, this
is a very serious matter, and puts the status of your marriage
in jeopardy. Try and talk with a local Imam or someone you feel
can counsel you both on these matters.
Also, I would suggest you read through
The Halal and the
Haram of Marriage by Yusuf al-Qaradawi.
It is featured for you here at Zawaj.com! In the meantime, I
pray that your wife will have a change of heart and that your
marriage will improve. May Allah grant you strength and success
in this endeavor.