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Monday, July 19, 1999

QUESTION

Dear Bilqis,

I came here 4 years ago with my husband. I gave birth to 2 beautiful children. I am 24 hours a day, almost every day at home, I have no friends or family members here, so not only am I feeling lonely, but I live with a husband who doesn't care. He abuses me mentally, and physically he has begun doing something that I am ashamed of. I really want to leave him, but I have nowhere to go, since I don't work, I have no money, I am illegal and going back to my country is almost impossible because my family there can't support me and the kids.

So please if you can give me any advice jazaki allah khaira. I am so depressed, no one knows what am dealing with, so please don't forget about me.

-Fatima

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Sister Fatima,

Your story is a sad one and unfortunately, there are other muslimahs like yourself - in a bad situation also!

I would suggest that you FIRST try and talk to your husband about the matter. If this doesn't seem to resolve any of the problems you have the right to speak with someone at a nearby Mosque or Islamic Center that you feel would be sympathetic to your problems. Most communities have ladies who are active in community activities especially centered around the women and children. Try and meet some of the sisters in your area, either by phone or in person.

I would also suggest you read through "Zawaj.com". There are hadiths, articles, essays, excerpts from books on marriage. You might find some helpful and uplifting information. There is also the option of "counseling" for both you and your husband from an elder or the Imam of a nearby community. If you really feel your situation is bad and you want a change you are probably going to need to make some changes in your usual patterns of dealing with it. In the section where I answer questions, the question of May 24th has links to Islamic organizations. Read through it and see if anything there might be helpful to you.

Remember to read Qur'an daily, especially Surahs pertaining to women. Busy yourself with remembrance of Allah(swt), and pray for relief from your marital problems. Surely Allah hears the woman who pleads for His Help. My prayers are with you.

-Bilqis