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Monday, July 31, 2000

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

Asalamualaikum. First of all I would like to congratulate you for writing this column. The problem I am facing is that I am a 15 year old girl and a Muslimah, and I am in love with a boy my age who is in my class. My freinds say I should tell him how I feel, but I know that that would not be right.

Could you tell me if it is right for me to like someone? Please answer this question because I am troubled.

- Troubled

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear "Troubled",

Firstly, I would like to encourage you to concentrate fully on your schoolwork. It is very important. Secondly, it is unfortunate that you cannot be in a school situation where mixing of males and females is kept to a minimum. This is the struggle of many of our young Muslims in the school systems of non-Muslim countries. I attended an all-girls high school and it made my life much easier. It is our responsibility as Muslim parents to provide such situations for our children!

"Love" is a pretty strong word. Probably what you're experiencing would be more correctly characterized as a "crush" or strong infatuation. You are right not to pursue these feelings on your own. As a Muslim, you know that dating and having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not a part of our lifestyle. Telling someone you "love" them could possibly bring about events that would put you in an un-Islamic position such as dating or engaging in other haram (unlawful) activities. It is not unnatural for you to like someone but this is where an all-girl school situation would be much more beneficial. It would not expose you to these kinds of dilemnas.

There is a proper way to do these things as a Muslim. It would be good if you could talk to your mother in a general way about some of the pressures you are experiencing from your friends as far as dating and approaching boys at school. Perhaps she can give you some good advice. I know that being a young Muslim in American society can be hard. But you must always strive to do the proper thing as a Muslim. Islam is not just a series of rules and rituals, but is the way of life that Allah (swt) has chosen for us and if you can concentrate on that, things will insha'Allah become a little easier.

There are Muslim youth groups everywhere. Try to locate one in your area, or if not, try to find a good Muslim female friend your age. Avoid the boy at school and certainly do not approach him about anything on an emotional level. Lastly, find a Muslim adult you feel comfortable about discussing these things with (hopefully a family member), be mindful of your Salats, reading of Qur'an and studying the example of the Prophet (saw) and his Companions. My prayers and best wishes are with you!

-Bilqis