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Monday, August 23, 1999

QUESTION

Dear Bilqis,

I'm Catholic and my boyfriend is Muslim. I'm from Lithuania, my boyfriend from Morocco, living now in Philadelphia and both preparing to move to Canada. We are planning to get married very soon. The problem arises cause he does not want to marry in the church, even if I do agree to have a ceremony in the Mosque. I hoped to have two ceremonies in the same time showing that we respect each other's religions. But he absolutelly refuses to go to the Catholic church.

I would kindly ask how the marriage in Muslim Mosque would be treated for me from Christian side as I'm a practicing Catholic. Besides that he wants me to convert to the Islamic religion and I understand his point - why have two religions in the family. I've already agreed that our children can be Muslims by their father's wish. But concerning myself the reason is I never was disapointed from my religion and see no reasons to convert ! I simply can not do it. I'm very tolerant but I see our relationship can be broken down only because of this situation despite that we love each other a lot and suffer because of it. I read that woman has always to obey to his housband but if he is wrong? The men often abuse their power. Waiting for your reply,

Lina

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Lina,

Thank you for your question. You are in need of some basic information on the religion of Islam and in particular "Marriage in Islam". Having arrived at Zawaj.com, I suggest you look at some of the other information provided on marriage. To start, I would suggest two articles in particular: 1.) on the Homepage scroll to THE HALAL AND THE HARAM OF MARRIAGE. You might want to read this in its entirety, but in particular read through "Marriage to the Women of the People of the Book", and 2.) under Articles and Essays go to "General Marriage Topics" and read the article entitled, "Marriage in Islam".

Reading through this information should answer many of your questions. I would suggest that you read as much as you can contained here on the subject of "marriage"

Regarding a marriage ceremony for a Muslim in a church, this is something not allowed for someone of the Islamic faith. Islam is tolerant of other religions such as Christianity and Judaism, but a Muslim cannot participate in religious services or worship of other religions. Try and seek out a Muslim community in your location and talk first hand with a Muslim on these pertinent matters.

I am a convert to Islam from Catholicism myself. I would invite you to read as much as you can on Islam as not only the religion of your future husband but also possibly your religious choice. For example, the concept of "dating" and the terms "boyfriend and girlfriend" are foreign to an Islamic lifestyle. In Islam, there is an appropriate way for a couple to get to know one another and move toward plans for marriage. You can find this information in some of the articles I mentioned earlier.

So, I would encourage you to pursue a study of Islam if you intend to marry a Muslim so that you may be as fully aware of what to expect, while asking God (Whom Muslims call Allah), to guide you to that which is best at this time in your life.

-Bilqis