Monday, September 25, 2000
I met a Muslim brother through an internet matrimonial service
and we are still in touch for about 6 months now.
I only have my mother (my father is dead) and all my brothers
and sisters are married. I am 36 years old.
I talked to my mother about him and she agreed at first but
now she is trying to find all excuses not to meet him (he wants
to come to meet my close family to perform the halal wedding).
She never asked me questions about him, she didn't want to know
about him. I love my mother but she wants to prevent me from
Please help me in regards to Islamic principles. What should
I do ? She does not want to discuss or to understand my feelings.
One day she told me that she wants me to stay with her until
the end of her life and after that I'll be able to do whatever
I want. But I have found my soulmate now and I love him. Marriage
is half of our faith and I want to complete it.
What can I do ?
Thank you in advance for your help.
Wa salamou alaykoum
- Eager to Get Married
Dear "Eager to Get Married",
By all means, find a way to get married!
I understand your mother's concern for companionship as she gets
older, but it is not fair for her to expect you to put your life
on hold solely for her benefit. You have waited a good portion
of your adult life and you have the right to pursue marriage
with a Muslim man you feel is right for you. Marriage is encouraged
for us as Muslims, especially when we feel a strong sense of
compatibility with a prospective suitor.
It should not be an either/or situation
in which you must either get married or take care of your mother.
You should be able to do both. Perhaps you and your brothers
and sisters can create a situation for your mother that she would
feel comfortable with. As you have other family members, your
mother's care as she gets older should not be your responsibility
alone. It is the responsibility of all her children. Their marriages
do not preclude making time for the care of an older parent,
and neither should your future marriage Insha'Allah.
Discuss the matter with your family
so that arrangements can be made for your mother's comfort as
well as you getting married. My prayers and best wishes are with
you for a long and happy marriage!