Muslim Matrimonials and More's Ask Bilqis


Monday, September 25, 2000


Dear Bilqis,

Assalamou alaykoum,

I met a Muslim brother through an internet matrimonial service and we are still in touch for about 6 months now.

I only have my mother (my father is dead) and all my brothers and sisters are married. I am 36 years old.

I talked to my mother about him and she agreed at first but now she is trying to find all excuses not to meet him (he wants to come to meet my close family to perform the halal wedding). She never asked me questions about him, she didn't want to know about him. I love my mother but she wants to prevent me from marrying.

Please help me in regards to Islamic principles. What should I do ? She does not want to discuss or to understand my feelings. One day she told me that she wants me to stay with her until the end of her life and after that I'll be able to do whatever I want. But I have found my soulmate now and I love him. Marriage is half of our faith and I want to complete it.

What can I do ?

Thank you in advance for your help.

Wa salamou alaykoum

- Eager to Get Married


Dear "Eager to Get Married",

By all means, find a way to get married! I understand your mother's concern for companionship as she gets older, but it is not fair for her to expect you to put your life on hold solely for her benefit. You have waited a good portion of your adult life and you have the right to pursue marriage with a Muslim man you feel is right for you. Marriage is encouraged for us as Muslims, especially when we feel a strong sense of compatibility with a prospective suitor.

It should not be an either/or situation in which you must either get married or take care of your mother. You should be able to do both. Perhaps you and your brothers and sisters can create a situation for your mother that she would feel comfortable with. As you have other family members, your mother's care as she gets older should not be your responsibility alone. It is the responsibility of all her children. Their marriages do not preclude making time for the care of an older parent, and neither should your future marriage Insha'Allah.

Discuss the matter with your family so that arrangements can be made for your mother's comfort as well as you getting married. My prayers and best wishes are with you for a long and happy marriage!

-Bilqis Muslim Matrimonials