Marriage in Islam Part Six By Adil Salahi

Subject Index Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

Q). A friend of mine has been involved with young man who is a Hindu. She has not been able to resist her feelings despite her repeated attempts to do so. I have tried to persuade her to end this relationship, but despite all efforts their relationship is getting stronger. She is a good believer in Islam, and she has told me repeatedly that even if she marries him, she would never change her religion. Please advise.

(Name and address withheld)

A). Has this friend of yours ever asked herself whether the young man in her life really cares for her? How serious is he about their relationship? Does he think of her half as much as she thinks of him? Reading your letter, I feel that the answer to all these questions is in the negative. What is happening in her case is that she is placing herself at his feet and he is looking at her with contempt. Why should he not do so when she is defying her family, society and her faith for his sake?

It may be that your friend has not received an elementary religious education. Nevertheless, she should have known that it is not possible for a Muslim woman to marry any man who is not a Muslim, it is not enough that she says that she would never change her religion even if she gets married to him. Such a marriage can never be. It may be that she can get the marriage legally recognized in a European country or in India, or in a non-Muslim country. But that "legality" does not make the marriage lawful. It is not open for any authority to change God's law. Nor is it possible for any authority to make lawful what God Himself has forbidden. God simply does not accept that a Muslim woman could marry a non-Muslim regardless of the religion he follows. So, if she wants to get married to him she has to look for some other way to make such a marriage lawful.

That other way is for the man to adopt Islam and for the change of religion to be recognized as serious, based on conviction, not merely on the desire to get married to a Muslim woman? When such a change occurs this friend of yours may get married to her man, if her famiapprove of this marriage.

That is because in Islam, it is the girl's father or guardian who acts for her at the time when her marriage contract is made. Whether the man is willing to adopt Islam or not is entirely up to him. However, from what you have told me, I think he is hardly likely to do so. It may be that he looks at his relationship with your friend as a flirting matter. When the going becomes serious and he is called upon to change religion, he is likely to cry off.

Perhaps the best thing your friend could do is to put him to the test. She should explain to him that their relationship could only be solemnized into a proper marriage if he is willing to accept Islam. She should also suggest to him that the two of them should start reading about Islam, trying to understand its basic beliefs, concepts and values. When they have acquired sufficient knowledge of the Islamic faith, he should make up his mind whether he believes in Islam as the final message from God to mankind. If the answer is in the affirmative, then he should declare himself a Muslim by stating that he believes in no deity save God and he believes in Muhammad as God's final messenger to mankind.

Only when this has taken place can the marriage between your friend and her man is valid.
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Q). May I ask whether Christianity and Judaism are the only religions with which inter faith marriage is allowed in Islam. In India there are many religions, and because of the proximity, many young Muslims find it sometimes suitable to marry women who may belong to these faiths. They arrange that the girl convert to Islam for the marriage. It is often the case that the girl does not know anything about Islam, and she only converts nominally to get married. Is this allowed? Is the marriage valid?

H. Masthan, Jeddah

A). It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman without the need for the woman to convert to Islam at any time. Although this is permissible, it is not to be encouraged because interfaith marriages are likely to run into problems. A Muslim woman may not marry anyone other than a Muslim. As for other religions, it is not permissible for a Muslim man or woman to marry their followers. This applies to all religions of the Indian subcontinent.

If a follower of such religion wants to marry a Muslim, he or she must become a Muslim first. I understand that this condition is what causes women who get to know Muslim men and want to many them to convert to Islam. They may think that conversion to Islam is easy since it involves only the declaration that one believes m the Oneness of God and that Muhammad is His messenger. They utter this declaration without even thinking about its meaning. Such an action is not a conversion to Islam. It is mere expedient. It does not make the woman did not concern a Muslim nor does it make her a lawfully married wife to a Muslim. She needs to understand Islam and its principles. If she is convinced that it is the religion of the truth, and she declares her belief in it she is a Muslim. In this case, she may be married to a Muslim. If she merely utters the declaration without conviction, she is technically a Muslim, and we must accept her word. But that does not make her a Muslim in God's sight. Her husband should know her real attitude and determine his position accordingly.
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Q). Muslims are allowed to marry Christian or Jewish women. Is the woman so married to be converted to Islam before or after her marriage? If this permission is granted on the basis of Christianity and Judaism being religions preached by messengers from Allah, is the permission still valid, despite the fact that Christians now believe in the Trinity?

A). I should admit that I find the question about converting a woman because of her marriage rather strange. It is contradictory to Islamic values and principles. Islam states very clearly that "no compulsion is admissible in matters of faith." How then, can anyone contemplate that a woman must be converted to Islam in order for her marriage to be legal. Such a requirement is not acceptable. Islam either permits a marriage or forbids it. If it approves of a Muslim marrying a Christian woman, then it stands to reason that it allows that woman to retain her faith. Indeed, the husband should not pressure his wife in any way to accept Islam. What he should do is to make Islam known to her and to tell her that Islam is the final message from Allah to man, therefore, people are called upon to accept it. She must retain her freedom whether to do so or to maintain her faith. If she decides to remain Christian or Jewish, the marriage can continue, with the husband being required to allow his wife to practice her religion. The children are, by necessity, Muslims, since the Islamic rule is that children follow the higher of their parents' religions. Since Islam is the highest of all religions, then they are Muslims.

The point about the doctrine of the Trinity as practiced by Christians and the permission to marry a Christian woman is frequently raised. Some people suggest that since Christians have come to believe in the Trinity, they are no longer believers in the Oneness of Allah. Therefore, they cannot be classified as "people of the Book", or, as perhaps more accurately translated, "people of earlier revelations." l am afraid that this is not quite correct. The doctrine of Trinity was introduced into Christianity long before the advent of Islam.

At the time when the Qur'an was revealed, Christians had the same beliefs as they have today. The doctrine of the Trinity was already introduced and practiced. To us, it represents a distortion of Christianity and its fundamental principles. However, the doctrine is mentioned in the Our'an and Allah describes those who say that He is one of a Trinity are "unbelievers.'' Nevertheless, He calls them as "Ahl-Kitab", or "People of earlier revelations.'' Since the permission to marry Christian women has come subsequently to the introduction of the doctrine of Trinity in Christianity, then that permission remains in force. Once again, no coercion or pressure should be exercised to make a Christian wife adopt Islam. If she adopts it, she must do so by her own free will.

We have already established that it is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman or a Jewess. The question remains whether it is advisable. It may happen that a certain thing is permitted so as to serve as a last resort, or as a sound solution to a particular problem. It does not follow that it is to be treated as recommended or desirable. In this particular case, inter-faith marriages are permitted within certain limits to help solve problems, which may be encountered by individual Muslims. An inter-faith marriage cannot be treated on the same footing as a marriage between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman. Let us take the following example from the time of the first generation of Muslims, i.e. the companions of the Prophet. Huthaifah ibn Al Yaman was one of the commanders Umar ibn Al Khatab sent to Persia. Subsequently, Umar learned that Huthaifah had married a Jewish woman. He wrote to him asking him to divorce her. Huthaifah wrote back saying that he would not comply with Umar's request unless Umar stated first whether his marriage was permissible or not. Umar wrote to him that it was permissible. However, he supported his request to Huthaifah to divorce his Jewish wife by two arguments: that if Muslims married non-Muslims, who would marry Muslim women? In this connection, we should remember that a Muslim woman could only marry a Muslim. The other reason expressed by Umar was that foreign women had an element of attraction, which may lure Muslims away. Huthaifah found both arguments sound and he divorced his wife. Both arguments are still sound today. Indeed more so. The companions of the Prophet were better believers than we are and yet Umar expressed his misgivings about interfaith marriages, by as a distinguished figure of them as Huthaifah, an Ansari who could be trusted witthe command of a large Muslim army.

One more point needs to be added in this connection. If a Muslim who is living in a non-Muslim country marries a local Christian woman, then he places himself under very great pressure. His wife will be living among her people and within her own cultural background. She finds no reason to modify her social behavior in order to be more accommodating to Islamic principles.

In fact, all the compromises that will inevitably be necessary will have to be made by her husband, who is an outsider coming into her society. The case is different if she is to travel to his home country. It is she who finds herself in a position of having to make compromises in order to adjust to her new environment. All this is of great importance.

The best way is not to have an inter-faith marriage, unless one has no choice. To marry a Muslim woman is by far better than marrying any Christian or Jewish woman.
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Q). A Muslim man or woman gets married to a follower of a pagan religion, with the condition that each of the two partners shall follow his or her own religion. Do such people remain Muslim? Is it permissible for the Muslim community to maintain cultural and matrimonial relationships with their offspring? Is either of them allowed to enter the Haram in Makkah or the Prophet's Mosque in Madinah?

A.H.Alnoori, Makkah.

A). We are speaking here of a marriage between a Muslim and a person who believes in a religion which speaks of the existence of more than one God. The reader has spoken of idol worshipers but I phrased the question so that it is more general in its import. A marriage between a Muslim and a follower of any such religion is invalid. There is a clear instruction in the Qur'an which tells Muslim men not to marry pagan women and tells Muslim women not to marry pagan men. Marriage with a slave is described in Verse 221 of Surah 2 as better than such a marriage, provided that the slave man or woman is a believer in God.

It is then established clearly that such a marriage is not valid. A relationship between a man or a woman who claims to be a Muslim and a partner, who worships idols or follows a pagan religion, believing in more than one God, is adulterous. It cannot be legitimized unless the pagan partner declares that he or she believes in Islam, and then the marriage between the two is made in accordance with Islamic rules.

Although this is a major offense and a cardinal sin, the perpetrator of such a marriage is not considered to be a nonbeliever. He or she remains a Muslim if they declare themselves to be so. How can they do that and explain their marital situation is beyond my comprehension, but the technical verdict is that they remain Muslims.

The Muslim community should indeed maintain a good relationship with the offspring of such a marriage in order to get those children to realize where they belong. The general rule is that the offspring of an inter-faith marriage, or relationship in this case are deemed to follow the higher religion of their parents. Islam is the highest of all religions in such a ranking order, followed by Christianity and Judaism. Moreover, the Muslim community has an interest in such offspring. They should try to teach them about Islam to enable them to choose their position when they become adults.

No one can stop such people from visiting the two mosques in Makkah and Madinah as long as they declare themselves Muslims. It may be that such a Visit will trigger in their minds a review of their Situation and may lead to the mending of their ways. The Muslim community should continue to tell them how serious their offense is and try to get them to bring their action in line with Islam.
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Q). My friend's father has two wives. His first wife's brother got married to the daughter of his second wife. This couple got a daughter who got married to the son of the first wife of my friend’s father.

The village committee, which wields power in our district, maintains that this last marriage is not valid from the Islamic point of view and the couple have been chased away from their village. They also say that the children of this marriage should be murdered. Other people suggest that this marriage is valid. Could you please comment?

A.Bukhari, Al-khobar.

A). You have omitted to mention one piece of information, which makes all the difference with regard to the validity of the last marriage. In the two marriages which branched out of the family of your friend's father, one party to the first marriage is the daughter of his second wife and in the second marriage the son of his first wife. To make the answer simple, I say that if either of these two had a father other than your friend's father, then the second marriage, i.e. the one in dispute, is valid. Since both are children of your friend's father's two wives (the woman is the daughter of his second wife and the man the son of his first wife), then if your friend's father is also their own father they are brother and sister. The marriage of a man to his sister's daughter is forbidden in Islam. But I suspect that at least one of them, if not both, had a father other than your friend's father. That appears to be the case from the way you have phrased your question. If this is the case, then the last marriage is perfectly valid. I will explain why.

What we are talking about here is a marriage between the son of the first wife and the granddaughter of the second wife. If the man, or the bridegroom, is born to his mother by an earlier marriage, then he is not related at all to his wife despite his mother's marriage to your friend's father. She is certainly his cousin, since her father is his maternal uncle. Marriage between cousins is allowed in Islam.

Similarly, if the second wife's daughter had a father other than your friend's father, then her daughter, who is involved in the disputed marriage, is not related to her husband through the marriages of your friend's father. As has already been said, she is her husband's cousin and marriage between cousins is allowed in Islam.

As you see, it all depends on the relationship between your friend's father and the son of his first wife or the daughter of his second wife who are party to these two marriages. If either of them is not your friend's father's own child, then the last marriage is perfectly valid.

I am both amazed and horrified at the suggestion that the children born through this last marriage should be murdered, because, according to some people the marriage is invalid. Let me say clearly that this suggestion is not only monstrous, but is, from the Islamic point of view, criminal. How on earth could anyone suggest that a child born to any woman should be murdered? What Islam teaches us is that no one bears any responsibility for the sins of another. A child born into an illegal marriage is not responsible for the action of his parents. Not even a child born to an adulteress by the man who has committed adultery with her is not held responsible for his parents' action. Moreover, if a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim, her marriage is absolutely illegal. If she gives birth to any children, then her children are not responsible for her action. Nobody should touch them in any way. Therefore, if anyone in your village banns the children of this last marriage on the assumption that the marriage itself is illegal, then that person should be punished for his crime. If he kills any of these children and he appears before an Islamic court and the charge of murder is proven against him, he will be sentenced to death.
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Q). May I ask whether Christianity and Judaism are the only religions with which inter faith marriage is allowed in Islam. In India there are many religions, and because of proximity many young Muslims find it sometimes suitable to marry women who may belong to these faiths. They arrange that the girl convert to Islam for the marriage. It is often the case that the girl does not know anything about Islam, and she only converts nominato get married. Is this allowed? Is the marriage valid?

H. Masthan, Jeddah

A). It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman without the need for the woman to convert to Islam at any time. Although this is permissible, it is not to be encouraged because interfaith marriages are likely to run into problems. A Muslim woman may not marry anyone other than a Muslim. As for other religions, it is not permissible for a Muslim man or woman to marry their followers. This applies to all religions of the Indian subcontinent.

If a follower of such religion wants to marry a Muslim, he or she must become a Muslim first. I understand that this condition is what causes women who get to know Muslim men and want to many them to convert to Islam. They may think that conversion to Islam is easy since it involves only the declaration that one believes m the Oneness of God and that Muhammad is His messenger. They utter this declaration without even thinking about its meaning. Such an action is not a conversion to Islam. It is mere expedient. It does not make the woman did not concern a Muslim nor does it make her a lawfully married wife to a Muslim. She needs to understand Islam and its principles. If she is convinced that it is the religion of the truth, and she declares her belief in it she is a Muslim. In this case, she may be married to a Muslim. If she merely utters the declaration without conviction, she is technically a Muslim, and we must accept her word. But that does not make her a Muslim in God's sight. Her husband should know her real attitude and determine his position accordingly.
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Love Marriage

Q). How does Islam view love marriage? What is the proper procedure, from the Islamic point of view, for selecting one’s life partner? If one marries a girl against the wishes of his parents, does he incur a sin for disobeying them? What are the rights of parents in this connection?

S.Shahabuddin, Riyadh.

A). May I put the first question back to you and ask what is love marriage? It is a martial relationship recognized by society and official authorities? Or is it the sentimental relationship, which kindles a burning sensation of attraction to the beloved one and a desire to be united together? Is it both or neither of them? Is it both or neither of them? Sometimes, the societies to denote what are otherwise known as “cohabitation” or “living with someone from the opposite sex.”

According to Islam, there is nothing called as love marriage. There is a passion called love and a contractual relationship, which is marriage. That relationship comes into existence when a man and a woman who agree to be married in the presence of the woman’s guardian and a minimum of two witness. When these conditions are met, they bring about a relationship, which is legitimate, useful and presumed to be permanent. No other relationship between a man and a woman who is not related to him is admissible from the Islamic point of view.

That relationship does not preclude that a passion may exist between the two partners. Nor does the existence of that passion affect the martial relationship in any way. That passion is judged on its own results. If it tends to anything that Islam has forbidden, then it is forbidden. It is limited to a mere feeling, which does not lead to any forbidden practical results, and then it is not sinful. Having practical results, then it is not sinful. Having said that, I must add that Islam does not encourage that such passion should exist before marriage or should be considered the basis of marriage. Islam encourages, on the other hand, the sort of love which comes after marriage as both man and wife face together what life may have in store for them. That love is much more stable, deep and genuine. Moreover, it gives each of the two partners the chance to encourage the other to follow Allah’s commands and abide by His laws.

If love marriage is synonymous with cohabitation or living together, which means that a man and a woman share the same home and bedroom without going through the formal requirements of marriage, then their relationship is strictly forbidden because it is synonymous with fornication and adultery.

The Prophet gives us clear guidance on what to look for when we select our life partners. He says: ”women may be sought in marriage for one of four considerations: her wealth, beauty, social status or her strong faith. Choose the one with faith so that you may prosper.” This is then the proper procedure. It is to make sure that the woman one selects to be the future mother of his children should be one of faith who will encourage him in obeying Allah’s commandments and keeping on the right path which earns him Allah’s pleasure and who will impart to; her children the meaning of fearing Allah and being always conscious of Hs presence. If you look at the four elements mentioned by the Prophet, you will find that they combine all motives, which a man may have to get married. He may give priority, when selecting his marriage partner, to wealth or beauty. Alternatively, he may seek a high position or distinguished social status. If his aim is one of these, he will look for either a pretty or a rich woman or he may seek to marry into a wealthy family or one of good name. Which ever the factor he gives greater weight to, we should not overlook the fact that they all relate to this world and its priorities and considerations.

The Prophet counsels us that none of these elements should be given priority. It is the woman with strong faith, which should be preferred as a marriage partner. Such a wife helps her husband attain the greatest prize of all: Paradise. When we consider that, there is simply nothing to be compared with it.

The role of parents in selecting a life for their son is one of advice, not dictation. Allah has not given them the right to force their son to marry any particular woman. They may have reasons of their own for seeking to unite their son in marriage with a particular woman. They may have reasons of their own for seeking to unite their son to marry any particular woman. They may have reasons of their own for seeking to unite their son in marriage with a particular woman, but they must remember that it is he who will live with that woman, and it is his happiness that is at stake. Hence, the choice must be his. They should not try to impose their will on him.

Disobedience can only happen when the person who is being disobeyed enjoys the right to be obeyed by their children, their relationship with their young children, when they have come of age, cannot continue on the basis of orders and strict obedience. They continue to enjoy throughout the right to be honored and respected by their adult children, but they cannot always dictate to them in every aspect of their lives.

If a son wants to marry a girl whom he knows to be religious and of strong faith, and his parents oppose this marriage for reasons of their own, then he incurs no sin in going ahead with that marriage. He is acting on the Prophet’s advice while they are opposing him for reasons of their own. Their reasons cannot be as good as his, if he is choosing a woman of strong faith. Disobedience in this regard does not constitute undutifulness to parents.
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