About Us
Look Beyond the Packaging: How to Choose a Husband, Wife or Friend
By Wael Abdelgawad | Zawaj.com
Is his hair nicely styled? Is he the perfect height?
Is her makeup just right? Does her body have the perfect curves?
This is packaging, it’s irrelevant.
American, Pakistani, Mexican, Egyptian, Bengali, Indonesian, black, white, brown, this is a veneer. It’s unimportant in the long run. When you’re sick and battling to recover, it’s not an American who holds you and tells you that it will be okay, who makes you chicken soup with lemon and ginger… It’s a human being, a husband or wife who loves you.
We must get beyond superficial and meaningless classifications like race and nationality.
Does he wear Armani suits cut just right? Are his shoes sleek and shiny? Does her clothing drape elegantly on her figure?
You know what? That Armani suit can’t stand on its own. It needs a hangar just to stay upright. That elegant clothing can’t raise your children right.
We must learn to look beyond appearances. I’m not saying that appearance is irrelevant, but how much of our attraction is based on true human beauty, and how much is based on distorted standards and poisonous imagery pumped into our brains by TV, movies, advertising, magazines and billboards? In other words, to what degree have we been brainwashed?
The world of advertising teaches us to focus on the wrong things. Consultants are paid millions of dollars to design the perfect package for a box of cereal or an energy drink, just the right shape and bright color to catch your eye and entice you to buy. Meanwhile, the product – as often as not – is actually bad for you, consisting of empty calories, sugar, chemicals and dyes. They are teaching us to make choices based on packaging and image, and what they are teaching us is entirely ruinous and wrong.
Human beings, however, are not consumer products. We’re not disposable. When you marry someone you’re in it for the long haul. You’re with them when they wake up in the morning with crust in their eyes and hair stuck to one side of the their head; when they get laid off from their job and you don’t know how the bills will get paid next month; when they’re depressed, tired, sick; when they make mistakes, when they say and do the wrong things, when they lose their temper, when they’re afraid or insecure…
This is as serious as it gets. This is life, and the right package won’t get you through it, won’t help on you the path, won’t hold you up when you’re weak, or put a smile in your heart when you’re down. The package can’t do that. Remember that when you buy something, the package ends up in the trash. If you choose someone for the package only, you may be bitterly disappointed when the storm comes and no one is there to keep you safe.
These are lessons learned through heartache and disappointment. These are lessons I have learned.
Look deeper. Find a gentle heart, a strong backbone, a striving spirit. Look to what the person does, how they live, how they treat people, how they relate to the Almighty. Look to that shimmering soul inside, and discern whether it’s a selfish and bitter soul, or loving and true. Look beyond the packaging to the person inside, and trust your fitrah-based instincts, and you’ll find yourself a rare happiness, and a precious partnership.
The most beautiful, powerful things in the world don’t come in packages. Mountains, trees, ocean, sky, stars… their true attributes are bared to the world. They don’t need packages because they are beautiful and profound in their essence.
By basing your life choices on matters of substance, you’ll avoid social and financial traps that ruin so many. You’ll build friendships as real and solid as mountains, with people you can trust with your honor, your heart and your life. You’ll do work that matters, and leave a legacy that improves people’s lives in unforgettable ways.
Related Posts:
“Muslim” – What it Means to Me
Muslim
What the Word “Muslim” Means to Me
By Wael Abdelgawad, Zawaj.com Editor
March 21, 2010
The word alone triggers such different reactions in different people.
The literal definition of the word Muslim is “one who submits,” meaning one who submits to Allah, believing in Him and obeying His commandments.
More specifically, the word Muslim is the participle of the same Arabic verb of which Islam is the infinitive. The feminine form is Muslimah, though a female Muslim is often referred to as simply a Muslim.
There are many stereotypes about Muslims in the West, or one might say in the non-Muslim world in general, but I will not go into those in this article.
Instead, I’d like to share my thoughts and feelings on hearing the word Muslim and contemplating its meaning. I am using the word in a gender-inclusive sense.
Muslim
Faithful. Allah is his Master, and the Quran is the wellspring of his life. Muhammad (pbuh) is his beloved Messenger, and all the Sahabah * (see glossary at bottom for explanations of many terms) are his guiding stars. Tawheed is his creed, taqwa his rugged garment, imaan his cool summer rain, and ihsaan his aspiration.
Muslim
Harmonized. She has chosen to live the way Allah created us to live, in harmony with everything around us, including nature, other people, and the earth itself. Plugged into the reality of the universe.
Muslim
Peaceful. His manner is gentle. He is not angry or violent. He would never raise his hands except to defend himself, his family, or other innocents.
Muslim
Generous. If I knock on his door, he will invite me in and bring me honey tea and baklawa, ask about my family, and be a believer with me, remembering Allah so that his house remains a place of life. When the salat time arrives he’ll spread the musallas and pray with me.
Muslim
Kind. His eyes are soft and smiling. He shakes my hand firmly, but with a brotherly openness. If I need help, offers it. He is charitable, ready to give his last coin to someone hungry or ill, knowing that it will come back to him seven hundred fold, and that everything is recorded and nothing is lost.
Muslim
My brothers and sisters. Arab, African, Indian, Thai, Filipino, Chinese, European, American, Latino, and everyone around the world who says, “Laa ilaaha il-Allahu, Muhammadan Rasul-ullah” (There is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah)… they are my family, my Ummah, my people. If they are free, I breathe easy. If they are fed, I sleep well. If they are mentally aware and spiritually conscious, I am liberated.
Muslim
Feeling each other’s pain. If she is suffering or oppressed, I feel it like the pain in my own body. If she is sad, lonely or confused, I do what I can to guide and help. I can never ignore her agony, any more than I could ignore a sliver in my own eye.
Muslim
Friends, compatriots. When I see him, I feel comfortable and at ease, whether I know him or not. I greet him with “As-salamu alaykum” and I smile. I can engage him in conversation, even if I know nothing about him. I know his language no matter what it is. If he tells me something good I say ma-sha-Allah. If he mentions some blessing or favor in his life, I say Alhamdulillah. If he mentions something he hopes to do, I say Insha’Allah. We understand one another.
Muslim
At home in Allah’s house. He can walk into a masjid anywhere in the world and feel at home. He can perform wudu’, prostrate himself to Allah, read the Quran, stand shoulder to shoulder in prayer with strangers, and feel a sense of rightness and belonging.

Noha Abd Rabo of Egypt reacts after her fight against Sarah Stevenson of Britain in their women's + 68 kg taekwondo bronze medal match during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games in Beijing on August 23, 2008.
Muslim
An Islamic worldview. She shares my world view and cultural understanding, no matter her nationality or race. She knows that this life is only a test, a moment of activity between a sleep and a sleep, a flower blooming and wilting in a single afternoon. She knows that the aakhirah is the home that calls; her heart is filled with hope and fear of Judgment.
She steps out of her door and does the right thing, because that is her covenant with Allah, and because she loves to do good. She sees signs of Allah in the miracle of a hummingbird or the majesty of Mt. Everest; in the swirls of her fingertips, and in the knowledge of Allah that exists in her heart.
Muslim
Pursuing excellence. Doctor, lawyer, farmer, engineer, human rights worker, driver, tour guide, seamstress, Olympic athlete. Striving for excellence in all things as a matter of worship and a way of life. Truth-telling, fair, honest in business and in love.
Muslim
Family. Mother, father, giddo (grandpa), nena (grandma), niece, nephew, cousin, wife, daughter, son. Respecting their elders, kind to their youth. Full of love like the sunrise. Embracing like the warm Mediterranean. Laughing like light on the water. Supporting like the granite of the earth.
Muslim
Seeker and guide. Da’iyy, Imam, Quran reciter, submitting in prayer, fasting, performing the Hajj. A voice calling in the darkness. Footsteps to follow in the sand. A bringer of truth. Commanding good and forbidden evil, with the hand, the tongue or the heart.
Muslim
Patient and grateful. Striving her utmost but never trying to force the outcome because that belongs to Allah. Never giving up, patient, strong.
If she has suffered, if she has been beaten or hurt, if she has been hungry or confused or lost in the dunya, she comes through it stronger, knowing that Allah is on her side.
If she has been blessed to live in comfort and ease, to have a loving family, rich food, tailored clothing and quiet cars, then she thanks Allah, knowing that everything she has is a blessing and a trust from Him, and knowing that the way to show thanks is to give and share.
No matter what, she is humble before Allah, never arrogant, never looking down on others.

A Chinese Muslim girl from Xinjiang, China. Muslims are found everywhere, but are one Ummah (nation).
Muslim
Standing up. He is angry that the image of his religion has been hijacked by extremists, and by those who practice ignorant cultural traditions. He stands up for human rights, freedom, and the dignity of all human beings. He stands against terrorism in all forms, oppression of those who follow other religions, “honor killings”, racism, female genital mutilation, intolerance, and destruction of churches or monuments of other religions.
Muslim
Suffering. Battered by war. Torn apart by sectarian strife. Oppressed by tyrants and dictators. Invaded by foreign powers. Massacred. His land stolen, his holy places demolished, his leaders arrested, his people driven from their homes.
Starving. Politically imprisoned. Tortured by his own police, tortured by foreign invaders.
Crying out for freedom, struggling valiantly, never giving up, never accepting subjugation, never submitting to anyone except Allah.
Muslim
Submitting to Allah.
What does the word “Muslim” mean to you?
*******
Glossary of Terms:
- Aakhirah – the eternal life herafter, the life after our worldy death.
- Alhamdulillah – “Praise be to Allah.” Something Muslims say to thank Allah for any good thing, large or small. Also, what a Muslim says when he sneezes.
- As-salamu alaykum – “Peace be upon you.” The greeting of Muslims.
- Baqlawa – a Middle Eastern sweet with honey and nuts.
- Da’iyy – a caller to Allah. One who works to propagate Islam by preaching and setting a good example.
- Ihsaan – perfection or excellence. Showing one’s inner faith in action.
- Imam – a Muslim prayer leader, community leader or scholar. Not to be confused with Iman.
- Imaan or Iman – faith or belief, a state of being made up of more than 70 parts which consist of all kinds of virtuous behavior.
- Insha’Allah – “If Allah wills.” Something Muslims say when discussing future actions.
- Ma-sha-Allah – “What Allah has willed.” Something Muslims say when praising something good, or sometimes just as a way of saying, “That’s just the way it is.”
- Masjid – a mosque, a Muslim house of worship.
- Musalla – place of prayer. Also used for small prayer rugs that many Muslims use.
- Sahabah – the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
- Taqwa – consciousness of Allah in all one’s actions.
- Tawheed – the Oneness of Allah, and belief in that principle.
- Wudu’ – the ritual ablutions or washing up that a Muslim performs before prayer.
Related Posts:
Apology to My Readers
I experimented briefly with a new ad format today, thinking that the advertiser might show some ads for clothing and shoes, health and fitness products, and education courses. I thought there might be some Christian-related ads as well, and that I would block those individually.
I inserted the advertising code then refreshed the website about twenty minutes later to see what ads were showing. To my shock, the ads were adult ads. I removed the ad code immediately.
I hope no readers saw those ads, and if you did then I apologize. That was a very embarrassing mistake. Next time I will make very sure of the kinds of ads to be shown, and do a trial run on a sub-page.
- Wael
Related Posts:
End of an Era, and a New Beginning

Wael eating a popsicle in 1998
I registered the Zawaj.com domain name twelve years ago, in 1998, right around the time that you see me sitting there eating a Popsicle in the photo, ha ha. The name “Zawaj.com” was unregistered up to that point, and since then has never belonged to anyone but me.
There were only one or two other Muslim matrimonial and Arab matrimonial services in existence at that time. One was Zafaf.com, which shut down some years later, and the other was Muslim Matrimonial Link, which still exists but looks and functions exactly as it did back in the 90′s, down to the dated backgrounds and hyperlinked list of ads.
At the time, I never expected that Zawaj.com would grow the way it has. It was a hobby. I remember that in the beginning, the matchmaking database consisted of simple HTML pages, and I used to hand-code a new HTML page for each new profile. The service was free back then. I changed it to a paid service in 2002 or so, and then a few years later I changed it back to a free service again. Not “free trial” free, or partially free, but completely, 100% free, with revenue generated by advertisements rather than membership fees.
I liked the idea of offering something for free that everyone else charges money for. I liked the fact that Zawaj.com attracted thousands of people who could not afford a membership fee, including people from North Africa, Egypt, Arabia, Pakistan, Indonesia and other nations all over the world.
But the world runs on certain realities, and one of them is that money makes the wheels turn, or at least makes them turn more smoothly. Over time the Zawaj.com programming grew obsolete and buggy, and I did not have the funds to rebuild it. In the meantime the internet witnessed the rise of the huge corporate-run matrimonial websites like Shaadi.com and Qiran.com. These sites work by virtue of sheer size, but in my opinion they lack a personal touch. You get lost without a rudder in a sea of profiles.
You may notice that I have not shied away from mentioning the names of my competitors in this post. That’s because I’m confident that Zawaj.com is now as good as – or better than – anyone of them.
Today marks the end of an era for Zawaj.com and the beginning of a new one. We say goodbye to our years-old program and simple HTML home page, and we introduce a new look, a new content management system, and a new matrimonial database. The new database is easy and fun to use, and you will find it brimming with intelligent, attractive, successful men and women ma-sha-Allah.
Meanwhile we continue the tradition of offering the internet’s best articles and features about Muslim and Arab weddings, marriage advice, family relationships, and much more. Please note that you can find links to our old Zawaj.com website and content on the right side of the page. With literally thousands of pages of unique content, we are much more than a Muslim matrimonial service. And now you can comment on the articles, share them, and even write your own if you wish.
As a way of illustrating the uniqueness of Zawaj.com, in the early years I came across many small websites where people had documented the Muslim wedding customs of certain cultures, complete with detailed descriptions and photos. I sometimes used to reprint those on Zawaj.com with the writer’s permission. Since then many of those websites have shut down, and now Zawaj.com is the only place you will find those unique articles about things like the wedding customs of Muslim Bulgarians, or a photo essay of a Somali wedding, or an insightful article about the role of women in Islam, written by someone who has since disappeared from the scene.
I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all of Zawaj.com’s loyal readers, members and partners over the years. I am confident that this change will benefit everyone – especially you – and I thank Allah for opening the door to this new and exciting road.
Wael Abdelgawad
Zawaj.com Founder and President
Related Posts:
Welcome to the new and improved Zawaj.com

A Muslim couple in the Philippines wait for the start of a mass wedding for both Muslim and Catholic couples. Photo by Luis Liwanag of pitikbulagdokyu.blogspot.com/
As-salamu alaykum dear readers and members, and Ramadan Mubarak
As you can see, Zawaj.com has been completely redesigned. We have added some exciting new features, and we are in the process of rebuilding the matchmaking section as well. And how do you like this spiffy new logo at the top, eh?
The articles and features from the old Zawaj.com website have not yet been imported into the new format, but they are still available for viewing, not to worry, and we will include links to all the old content.
As you may have known, the old matchmaking program was out of date and had a lot of bugs. I had been wanting for years to rebuild the program but I lacked the funds. Alhamdulillah, I now have a partner who has helped me to make the necessary upgrades. The new matchmaking section is a HUGE improvement in my opinion. It’s much easier to use. Of course you are the ultimate judge of that, but I’m confident you’ll find that in design and function it is as good as any other personals or matchmaking site on the web.
All of the old membership information will be deleted, so if you were previously a free member you will have to re-register. The basic service will still be free, so it will still be free to create a profile, view profiles, receive messages, and send short messages to other members, but to send a longer response you will have to upgrade to platinum membership, which is a paid membership.
It was truly my heart’s desire to continue offering a totally free matrimonial service. But what is the use of offering a free service if it is substandard? The reality is that in order to bring you a better and upgraded website, I must charge a membership fee.
I always had the philosophy with Zawaj.com that if I strive to provide people with a quality service – one that improves their lives in some way, helps them and touches their spirits – then the money would take care of itself. With this big step for Zawaj.com, I feel that my faith has been vindictated and that that you – the readers and users of the service – have been rewarded for your patience.
Jazakum Allah khayr for your sabr and your loyalty to Zawaj.com. Your commitment to this website and your support over the years means a lot to me. Ramadan Mubarak to you, and may Allah make the coming year one of renewed faith, ease from hardship, Muslim unity, success and health, for all of us.
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Zawaj.com founder
Related Posts:
Recommended Ramadan Reading

Ramadan Mubarak! Here is some recommended Islamic reading for Ramadan or anytime.
This new version of Zawaj.com is still in development phase and is actually not “open” to the public yet – that’s why the matrimonial search form on the home page doesn’t function yet. We will formally introduce it within a week or so Insha’Allah. I’m thinking of Friday, August 28th as the likely target date.
But the site has already been indexed by the search engines and some of you are finding your way here, so so I thought I would give you folks something productive to do with your time, ha ha.
Here are some excellent books that I consider essential Islamic reading. Any one of them would be great to read a little from every evening after Iftar, or to give as a gift. All are available through the link below:
1. An Interpretation of the Qur’an : English Translation of the Meanings : A Bilingual Edition (Majid Fakhry) – I have this and I read it often. It’s an excellent, modern and scholarly translation. If you’re still reading Yusuf Ali’s poetic but archaic translation, it’s time to check out something different.
2. The Qur’an : A New Translation (Dr. Thomas Cleary) – I would have listed this first except that it’s in English only. The language is modern and clear, yet retains some of the powerful poetry of the Arabic. I highly recommend it.
3. Muhammad : His Life Based on the Earliest Sources : Revised Edition : Martin Lings (Abu Bakr Siraj Ad-Din) – All-time best-selling book on the life of the Prophet (pbuh), now the latest revised edition. You may have read some of the briefer Seerahs (biographies of the Prophet Muhammad) such as The Sealed Nectar of The Life of the Prophet Muhammad, but you have not experienced the breadth and depth of Muhammad’s (pbuh) struggle and indomitable character until you have read this book.
4. Forty Hadith, and Forty Hadith Qudsi – these are brief but fundamental. Read one or two each night and discuss them.
5. Ramadan: Motivating Believers to Action – Ramadan is not just a month of fasting, but a month of spiritual healing. Presented from an interfaith perspective as a means to motivate believers to action, the articles by such famous writers as Muhammad al-Ghazzali, Shaykh Abdul Qadir Gilani, Imam Jawziyya, Ibn Sirin, Seyyed Hossein Nasr, Maulana Mawdudi and Laleh Bakhtiar include essays on both the Law and the Way.
6. Purification of the Heart : Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart – Translation and Commentary of Imam al-Mawlud’s Matharat al-Qulub (Shaykh Hamza Yusuf).
7. The Fundamentals of Tawheed (Islamic Monotheism) Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips – A Muslim should be familiar with the basics of Tawheed, which is the fundemental principle of Islam. This book presents a detailed explanation of the classical Islamic concept of God’s unity as it relates to faith and acts of religious devotion.
Well, as you can see my preference is for more scholarly works, but you can find all kinds of good stuff at IslamicBookstore.com, including children’s books, movies and CDs, and toys. I have been shopping with them for several years now and I’ve always been satisfied.
Related Posts:
Keep your faith
I have received many messages like this. I am only reprinting a few of them here:
Assalamu Alykum,
It’s been six glorious months since I married via your precious site. I couldn’t ask more for the woman I married. May Allah (SWT) shower you with delight; I cannot thank you enough for being the cause in the drastic turn around of my life.
The message to my single sisters and brothers is, keep your faith in the Creator and Sustainer and step up the hunt. It works and is so beautiful!
- Nasser
Related Posts:
I found my soulmate
I love to receive letters like this one from sister Nadia.
Assalamo Alaykum. First, I want to thank you for helping men and woman to find their soulmates. Now i’m very happy because through Zawaj.com, I found my soulmate and we are very compatible. We project to be married InchaAllah very soon, and I would like to know how can I delete my profile, please, thank you again, Allah ma’ak.
-Nadia H.
Related Posts:
-
Look Beyond the Packaging: How to Choose a Husband, Wife or Friend
-
ISNA Eid Announcement 2011 / 1432 AH
-
Eid Mubarak, have a blessed and happy Eid!
-
“Muslim” – What it Means to Me
-
Apology to My Readers
-
End of an Era, and a New Beginning
-
Eid Announcement and Eid Wishes
-
Welcome to the new and improved Zawaj.com
-
Recommended Ramadan Reading
-
Keep your faith
-
I found my soulmate












