Interracial Marriages in Islam

Interracial Muslim couple

Thoughts and advice on interracial marriage in Islam

By ibnabeeomar
MuslimMatters.org

Thoughts and Advice on Interracial Marriages

This is a post I have been thinking about writing for quite some time because I have a lot of thoughts on this issue (the reasons why may be obvious from the rest of this post) and I wanted to get them down and get some feedback from other Muslims. Here is how I want to focus this topic:

1. Before Marriage – Stereotypes/Obstacles
2. During Marriage – Culture Clash, Confused Kids, and Bewildered in-Laws
3. Societal Ramifications (focus on living in the US)
4. Parting Comments

Before Marriage – Stereotypes and Obstacles

No matter your background, an interracial marriage will be met with obstacles on both sides. It is especially the case for the generation of people whose parents were immigrants, and they themselves were raised here. To even broach the idea of an interracial marriage will spring forth 100 year old stereotypes of other cultures you never even knew existed. It is particularly sad when these are directed at other Muslim groups. For example, a Pakistani trying to marry an Arab will no doubt hear many “Arabs are this…” or “Arabs are that…” type of comments.

Even those who marry within the race will often face problems in marrying outside the tribe, or people from a specific part of the same country, so much so that some people even consider these marriages to be against the norm.

Muslims who are the first generation to be born and raised in the West face a unique dilemma. They must harmonize between finding someone who is suitable religiously, and culturally. The cultural aspect can get confusing because while a person may be Indian, they have more in common with a Bengali person who grew up here also as opposed to an Indian person from ‘back home.’

It is that point though, that parents have a tough time coming to grips with. It seems some have missed the fact that their kids have a distinct culture that’s different that what they think they taught them. This is why it is frustrating to see many marriages being held up because someone’s parents are looking from a family who is from the same village back home.

It is good to see the trend of our youth overlooking the racial/ethnic lines in marriage, and trying to marry for the deen, however, the obstacles are often great. Many families are not accepting of such marriages, and many face great difficulties in pursuing them. The hardest part is breaking stereotypes that people have formed, or been brought up with. These are literally ideologies they may have held for the vast majority of their lives. The culture and environment their kids have been brought up in though, does not hald fast to these same ideals.

During Marriage

This is where the toughest adjustment comes, and the cultural differences must be overcome. For purposes of this article, we will go ahead and assume that alhamdulillah as far as the deen is concerned, both parties are mashallah practicing and on the same page in regards to their religion. It is what comes outside of that which can cause problems.

The first problem is, if I may term it so, latent cultural tendencies. By this I mean that once a person is married, they are now in a stage of life that they have not experienced before (assuming its the first marriage). Since this is the case, the only ‘experience’ they have to revert back to is that of their own parents. A person might not realize these things before marriage, but after a kid the husband may start acting a certain way, and due to the way he was brought up, he will have certain expectations as to what his wife should do as a mother. The wife, having been brought up differently, may have the opposite expectation. This is a situation where the culture has caused a clash despite the fact that neither one may actually be a cultural Pakistani, or a cultural Arab in the traditional sense.

In-laws are another issue that comes up. Different cultures have vastly different expectations of their sons-in-law or daughters-in-law, and an interracial marriage will bring about an abrupt adjustment period for them. Language barriers can also be an issue here. It is unfortunate that this aspect of an interracial marriage is often the most overlooked despite the heavy emphasis in Islam on preserving the family ties. Deen may very well be an extremely strong bond in preserving your marriage, but does that same bond exist with your spouse’s parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and other family members?

Kids add another dimension, and quite possibly the toughest. The husband/wife must be prepared to deal with difficulties their children may endure from being of mixed-race. There’s also issues of what languages to teach them, and how to communicate in the house. It is important for these issues to be agreed upon before getting married. Everyone has seen families where the mother and children communicate in one tongue, and the father is often left out in the cold and ends up disconnected from the family.

Societal Ramifications

Lebanese Muslim couple

A Muslim couple enjoying the sunset

Obviously interracial marriages are not for everyone, not everyone desires one (most probably don’t), and not everyone is cut out for one.

With that said, it is encouraging to see a rising trend in these marriages. We are after all, one ummah. Our cultures do enrichen our ummah, but they cannot come before our religion. To see more couples and mixed-race children is a very apparent way of breaking down some barriers and stereotypes that exist within our societies. It exposes Muslims of one culture more intimately to those from another, and in the end I feel it increases the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood.

It is also important in our times, to not let ourselves become segregated too much, otherwise we will end up with masjids separated out like the “black churches” or “white churches.” I know that exists to some degree now, but alhamdulillah I think most of the bigger masaajid in bigger communities are very diverse (even if the board members might all be from one country, but that’s a different story).

Tariq Nelson made a pertinent point on his blog,

I am of the controversial opinion that increased interracial/intercultural marriage is one of the ways that will lead to a meshing of a singular American Muslim identity. This would eventually lead to more of a blending in this country, culturally and genetically, of the many Muslim cultures as well as the American one. Intermarriage is one of the ways people that were once even somewhat hostile can become one group.

The most important role interracial marriages may play in this is the affect that they will have on their family and friends. At the very least it will force them to look past their cultural identity and see a first-hand example of a family that is insha’Allah putting their religion above all else – about making themselves Muslim before being anything else.

Parting Comments

First and foremost we should ask Allah (swt) to purify our intentions and grant us the tawfeeq to make all of our actions for Him and for Him alone. Marriage in general is not a goal in and of itself, but it is a means of worshipping Allah by trying to establish a family upon the Sunnah.

If someone chooses to pursue an interracial marriage, they really need to “check yourself before you wreck yourself” and make sure they are ready to deal with the consequences of their decisions. I have outlined just a small sampling of the obstacles that one might face. People really need to do some self-introspection and see where they stand, see what their maturity level is, and know what they can handle before getting involved in anything.

Once a person does become involved in an interracial marriage, the most important thing is to have patience. A lot of things will come your way, but you must persevere through them as a Muslim should. Remember also that all your actions, and your family in the public eye, will be under much more scrutiny than most. One of the saddest things is the attitude people have towards interracial couples of “let’s see how long that will last.” People will be expecting your marriage to fail. It’s not right, but it’s a reality.

Know that it will take time for the families of both parties to integrate and become comfortable with one another. The key is for both people to be willing to put up with that and work towards their ultimate goal of insha’Allah having a good Muslim family. Even outside of family, you will deal with smaller things like trying to fit into social groups that exist in masaajid and communities, or being looked at as the ‘token interracial couple’ of an event, etc.

But insha’Allah if it is successful, there is a huge potential for making dawah and helping to make impact in society. Also, don’t forget the fringe benefit of having super-cute children masha’Allah :-)

These are just some brief thoughts I had on this matter, really I think a whole book can be written on this subject, but I did want to see people’s attitudes towards it. Would you consider it for yourself? What about for your children? What about for your siblings? How do you feel when you see an interracial couple?

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About the Author: ibnabeeomar is from the southern USA. A computer science guy who doesnt actually do real IT work, stuck in corporate America (where else can one find time for blogs?). He has a strange fascination with eating chicken tikka at every desi restaurant he visits. He is also married with kids.

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65 Comments

  1. Salamu 3alaikum,

    Whether this marriage is inter or intra-cultural, a lot of Muslims today find spouses on their own, especially when it comes for inter-cultural marriages. In fact the great vast majority of the time when it comes to inter-cultural marriages, it’s the two spouses who find each other either through school, university, work, friends, community and so on. In Islam there’s nothing wrong with that, but the brothers and sisters must be extremely careful on how to do it, they must know exactly what they’re doing as things can very easily slip up between the two. So yes Islam condemns racism, but Islam also strictly forbids pre-marital relationships and for the brothers and sisters who don’t know, they must learn how to communicate with the opposite gender and how to approach a potential spouse within the realm of the sharia.

  2. Yes, good point brother Muhammad, jazak Allah khayr. You’re right, most cross-cultural marriages are obviously not arranged by the families. The couples meet in other places, and sometimes such meetings can lead to haram if the couple are not careful and do not follow the Islamic manners of courting.

  3. Assalamu alaikum,

    I agree with both of you. For those who are considering marrying someone outside of your culture I would suggest that first off you make sure that whatever communication you two intend to have that it is done in a proper Islamic manner. Meaning that whatever you two discuss does not cross the boundaries of proper Islamic etiquette. Also, because you may have met someone in a non-traditinal way, (internet, school) does not mean that your parents or a relative should not be involved or at least know who this person is. That is very important. You don’t want this relationship to begin on rocky terms because you failed to discuss this with family members. The main thing is communication, communication and more communication.

    How do I know about this? Well I met my wife on this website 9 years ago. We got married August 19, 2001 in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. My wife is originally from Pakistan and I am African American who grew up in the Bronx, NY. She was living in Saudi at the time. We comminucated over the internet for a couple of months before deciding to get married. We talked about what our expectations were, what we liked and disliked in a partner. We discussed our goals and always spoke about Islam because that was first and foremost in our lives. Once we decided that we were right for each other then it was time for the families to get involved. I spoke to her family member’s over the phone and met her brother in NY. Shortly after our meeting ended and we were both heading back to our homes, ( He lived in Toronto) I received the message that he approved. Again, I can’t stress this enough, we have to communicate with each other.

    Inter racial or cultural marriage can be a beautiful thing. It opens up a whole new understanding of people and this beautiful mosaic within Islam. Unfortunately there will alway be people who out of ignorance and racism will never except this. My wife had friends who told here that she should not marry me because all African American Muslims have been to jail and have used drugs. What an ignorant statement. We can all make stereo typical comments about everyone but does it make it right? No it is not right and I will never except that notion.

    After nine years of marriage my wife and I still talk all the time. A good marriage needs to have work on both sides put into it. If you are willing to put in the time to make it work it will be a beautiful thing no matter what culture you come from. Just make sure that everything you do is for the sake of Allah.

    • Abdul Wali, I knew I recognized your name from somewhere. I’m really happy to hear that you got married on this site, and that it has worked out for you, Alhamdulillah. That’s wonderful. I’m quite frankly surprised to hear of a successful marriage between a Pakistani and an African-American, because there is a lot of bigotry in the Ummah, and also there is the issue of culture clash, but as you said your culture first and foremost is Islam and as long as that is the basis for the relationship then that’s a very strong foundation to build on.

      I’m divorced with one child. I recently had an experience in which I approached a sister for marriage, someone I really admired and had a connection with, but I was rejected on the basis of race, and because of my circumstances, and I was told that marrying me would bring shame and loss of respect to the sister’s family (that’s the part that really hurt). It was a discouraging experience.

      So it does my heart good to hear of Muslims who are brave and filled with Islamic spirit, so that their hearts and minds open and they can see past all the superficial barriers that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) taught us to disregard. It makes me happy.

    • Assallam alikum
      Abdul wali carter bhaijjaan what a beautiful love story u hav..very similar to mine..
      M 18 going to 19 this march and m persuing homeomedical in delhi india. me and my boyfrend both are of diffrnt cultures.v want to settle down together and knw that this s our first and last love.plz pray for us…inshahallah v live happily married …

  4. May Allah bless your marriage brother. When choosing a spouse the most important thing to consider is to look at the person’s religious, character and personality because this can make or break the marriage, but there’s no doubt sharing the same culture, language and having family compatibility helps in maintaining the marriage, but deen comes before anything. There was this brother once who was going out with a sister, I’m not going to say where they’re from, but I’m only going to say that the brother is a convert and the sister is a born Muslim. When I spoke to the brother, I told him that what he was doing is haram and that if he wants to get to know the sister then he MUST approach her guardian and talking to her secretly and intimately is wrong. He said: “I won’t approach the guardian until I get the girl attached to me, that way if I get refused she’ll rebel out, and we’ll get married whether her parents like it or not.” the other thing he said: “Why should I even approach the guardian when the hanafi school of thought allows the girl to get married without the consent of the guardian? You see this is one thing I’m against, what this convert brother is doing goes against the teachings of Islam.

  5. Assalamu’alaikum,

    Muhammad, the story you spoke about unfortunately happens all the time. Not just with convert Muslims, so you can’t use that as a reason for people of other cultures to not get married. I hear stories of born Muslims dating non Muslims all the time. All you have to do is read the advice section on this website and you will read stories of born Muslims who are engaging in the same haram practices as this brother you spoke of. As a matter of fact, you will probably see more of this coming from born Muslims. If the sister who was involved with this brother was grounded in Islam then she would never have allowed this to go on.

    Brother, we have to treat each person according to his or her character. What is their level of commitment to their deen. If you don’t know your religion then you are bound to make foolish mistakes.

    When I looked for a wife I wanted someone who I could also learn from. That meant that she had to be grounded in Islam. I didn’t want to be the one doing all of the teaching. If you look for those characteristics then you will never go wrong.

    Muhammad, we have to do our best to educate those around us who are engaging in these acts. But that training really begins in the home.

    May allah guide us all!!!!

  6. I 100% agree with what you say, but you misunderstood me. When I said this story I wasn’t trying to make converts look bad it just so happened to be a convert with a born Muslim that is all. I’m not against cross-cultural marriages because no one can argue that such marriages are forbidden. Unfortunately some brothers who come from a different ethnical background then the sister, a lot of times what they’ll do is talk to the girl secretly just like what this convert brother did. Believe me brother the way you approached your potentiel spouse 9 years ago is highly uncommon!! Most will build a secret relationship with the sister before approaching the guardian. Again I’m not against cross-cultural marriages, if the man presents himself for marriage, the guardian accepts, the sister accepts and both families are pleased and happy with this marriage then no one should have a say on that. On the other hand if this marriage is gonna cause problems in the family and cause the girl to rebel out not because she’s pleased with the man’s religious and character, but rather because she has fallen in love with him and there’s no love before marriage in our deen then in this case I’m 110% against such marriages. Also if the brother is truly of a good religion and character he will never cause any problems in the girl’s family, meaning he’ll never sneak around (since thats the only way he can do it) and convince the girl to rebel out against her family, in fact he would never approach the girl outside the realm of the sharia. Also sometimes what can happen is that the brother and sister can pretend that they burly know each other when the borther presents himself to the guardian. All the brothers and sisters who pull off this filthy stunt must know that Allah (SWT) is all seeing all knowing and they should worry about that before anything. All who try to pull this stunt will fail because the borther and sister, especially the sister will not be able to hide her emotions and the guardian can easily tell that his daughter was involved in a relationship.

    What is mentioned above can very well happen in intra-cultural marriages as well.

    “Muhammad, we have to do our best to educate those around us who are engaging in these acts. But that training really begins in the home.” You sound just like my parents!! :)
    Anyways brother I’m sorry if I have upseted you, wallahi my intention was not to do so. I’ve been going through a lot lately, this topic is getting under my skin because not only that I’ve heard problmes but I’ve witnessed them.

  7. Muhammad,

    I’m not upset at all. Actually I’m enjoying our conversation. Muhammad, you and I are on the same page. Nothing bother’s me more than to see Muslims engaging in haram acts when all they have to do is ask someone for advice. Just like you, not only have I heard about these problems but I have also witnessed them.

    We have to go through the correct process when it comes to marriage. This is not something that we should take lightly.

  8. Salamu 3alaikum brother,

    I’m really enjoying this conversation as well. As for me personally I choose to marry someone of my own background, because beside deen and character which the most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse I choose to add to that. It’s extremely important for me to speak Arabic with my wife at home also sharing the same culture and having family compatibility does help in the marriage. Also I choose to marry through my family because it’s the safest way to get to know a spouse especially nowadays with the amount of fassad thats going on. Insh’Allah when I get married not only that I wanna to be happy with the person to whom I’m getting married to, but also she has to be happy with me, my parents must be pleased as well because I would never get married without the blessings of my parents and her parents are pleased with me as a husband for their daughter. The scholars have the said that the great vast majority of the time when parents refuse someone for their kid, either son or daughter it’s for their kid’s own benefit because parents are rational while the kid can sometimes become emotional. It’s extremely important for me to make my parents happy, they’ve raised me well Ulhamdulillah and I have great respect for them. :)

  9. Brother Wael,

    It’s good to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’m going to tell you what you told me 9 years ago. Stay strong. We know that unfortunately racism does exist and there is no getting around it. As much as you were hoping to get married to the sister that you had a connection with Allah has something better in store for you.

    What you are telling me now are the same issues I experienced when I first contacted you. I hurt’s when you get rejected but you must be patient.

    As for my situation, it took some work to make it happen. My sister in law called me from Saudi and told me that as long as I was a good Muslim it didn’t matter where I came. After meeting my brother in-law in NY, the decision to get married was finalized. A marriage between different cultures can work but it takes a commitment to make it work.

    Stay strong. Insha Allah thing’s will work for you. Stay in touch.

  10. Muhammad,

    It sounds like your parents raised you well. Insha Allah you will be guided to the person who is just right for.

    Based on our conversation I think that you will make your parents very happy.

  11. Insh’Allah, thank you very much for your kind words.

  12. As.aleykum
    am a born muslim somali sister in Africa &have been proposed to by a born muslim brother of another cultural background & i must say that this article on inter-racial marriages has enlightened me to so many things i didnt think abt before especially the during marriage part but i’d like 2 comment concerning the issue of telling the guardians its usually not that simple take me for example am currently in university was proposed to jus after 2yrs in my course i wasnt looking for some1 especially one of a different cultural background because as is common among somalis, marriages are usually arranged my 3sisters underwent the same so would i that was my perception then but inshALLAH i met some1 his looks didnt matter to me bt his deen his kindness was what endeared me to him you know what he said 2me” sister av watched you for quite sometime i like the way you handle yourself as a muslim & i dnt want 2date you i want 2marry u i want 2meet your parents 2day” i told him 2wait let me talk 2my family 1st so i went home talkd 2my aunt & sister 1st they were very realistic they told me they had no problem with it but my father might not agree to this they advised me 2 1st finish my degree then bring this issue up with my dad such that if i get disowned i’ll at least have my degree& i can fend 4myself i tried talking 2my mom but she will not here of it she doesnt want me marrying in that particular culture i talked 2 the brother told him abt my aunts advise he was disappointed but he accepted he introduced me 2his family mashALLAH they were very welcoming especially his parents they accepted me regardless of my culture their number 1 priority was my deen -how is her deen they questioned& that was all i remember i cried that day coz they were all welcoming it dint matter 2them that i was a somali bt my religion& on the other hand my family was jus the opposite. that was 3yrs ago we are finishing our course this year still intent on getting married as soon as we graduate inshALLAH he has been patient with me & so have i his parents still communicate they call me & ask of me& wishing me well.as i write this we have 5 months remaining 2finish our course& we hope &pray to ALLAH that all wil go well bt all i can say is that i dont want to rebel against my parents as are many girls&boys in my situation but circumstances like this make us do this & come 2look at it its not rebellion as such & look at it as a very difficult choice a muslim youth just had to make. . .

  13. Assalam Alaikum,

    I know this post is old but wanted to comment…

    Brother Wali Carter I too am surprised of your marriage to a Pakistani woman and so very happy Alhumdolilah that you are both happy and content. I am a white american sister who is divorced from a Pakistani man…..We really did not have much trouble with cultural differences, our troubles were with personalities and deen…All that aside, I do believe that inter-racial and inter- cultures can work and be very successful… It all a matter of the 2 people involved and the respect each shows for the other…..

    Brother Wael, it hurts me that you or anyone else had to face rejection due to race….I have been through it also in sense….Basically I was told I was not muslim enough because I was not raised muslim….I wear hijab, pray, fast, try to be good, yet I was not considered muslim ‘enough’…..

    best wishes for everyone….

    • And I am sorry that you were told such a thing, teresa. Muslims who say that converts are not “real” Muslims or not “Muslim enough” understand nothing about Islam’s true nature. They are confusing Islam with their own nationality or culture. SubhanAllah, the Sahabah themselves were converts from idol worship and polytheism.

      Muslims who are educated in their deen know better than to say such a thing.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salamu 3alaikum Teresa^2

      Anyone who tells you you’re not a “not Muslim enough” remind them that the sahabas (may Allah be pleased with them) were converts. Don’t let them hurt you!!

      May Allah be with you

  14. oops sorry I just read Wael’s comment, he pretty much said the same thing….well two is better then one :)

  15. @ Brother Wali Carter: you said that you are an african american married to a pakistani sister?? How did that happen? Anyway, out of curiosity are you a fair-skinned aa? I mean I have never seen that type of marriage.

    Anyway, I don’t think there is anything wrong with intercultural/interracial marriage, but it is personally not for me. I prefer my kids to have one identity and I want to speak my language with my husband at home. I don’t want to have to adapt to someone’s else’s culture. I feel like I would have to compromise some of mine. I just feel it would make things too complicated. I am west african by the way. Even marrying someone from another country would not be ideal for me, but Allah knows best. Maybe my future husband Allah has in store for me is not from my ethnic group, but I just hope he is.

    • Assalamu’alaikum,

      Sister Khadija, yes I am married to a Pakistani woman. How did it happen? It was from Allah. My intent was not to find a Pakistani wife. I was not looking for a wife from any particular ethnic group. I asked Allah(swt) to give me a wife who was knowledgeable in her deen, and someone who could not only be my friend but also my wife. I was specific. I wanted someone who I could learn from. This way we could grow in Islam together. I there was something I didn’t know then I should be able to turn to my wife. If there is something she doesn’t know she should turn to me. Also, if there are going to be children who will teach them?

      That’s what I asked for and that is what I got. Alhamdulillah!!!!!! I do know of another African American brother who is married to a Pakistani woman. So it does happen.

      When you ask how did that happen, I do understand your question. My wife and I were in contact with each other for quite a while through e-mail. One of the questions I asked was this, “Will your family have a problem marrying someone who is not of your culture”?. I understood that most Indian and Pakistani families would not allow their daughter to marry into another culture. A few days later I received a phone call from Saudi Arabia, (that is where she was living at the time) it was her eldest sister. She told me that all they cared about was that I was a good Muslim and that I could provide for their sister. My mind was made up after that.

      So sister Khadija, the most important thing is to ask Allah for a good Muslim man. Culture should not be an issue. If you marry a brother who is not from your culture what makes you think that your child will not learn your language? That is up to you to continue that legacy. Your husband should be happy that your culture is still a part of your life. However, your culture should not be mistaken for religion. He should also be willing to learn from you as well a you learning from him. If he is not open to that,(you should discuss this before marriage)then continue looking until you find the right person.

      Remember, Allah knows best. Ask for a good Muslim man, and be specific about the character of this person. What type of Muslim is he and how will he treat his family? How does he treat his neighbor? Is he firm in his religion? That means he takes a balanced approach in the practice of his religion. Not too extreme in either direction.

      If you keep that in mind I believe that Allah will give you what you are looking for. Don’t allow your culture to get in the way of religion. If your culture dictates the type of spouse you want as opposed to what Allah wants then you will not choose the best Muslim for yourself. This doesn’t apply to just women, it’s also for men.

      I hope that answered your question.

      Your Brother in Islam

      Abdul Wali
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Me n my boyfrend are deeply in love.v cant even leave each othr and do breakup.it s jus somethng magical betwwen us.i obey him as his wife n he also takes gud care of me..he finds a gud wife in me as i m beautiful,a would b doctor(inshahallah) and matches him perfectly.his family and frends says that.n my frends too.bt problm is frm my family.they would never approve.in fact my mom had treatns me.bt i wll never leave him .i want him to b with me in my good and bad tyms and vice versa , have beautiful kids wd him.he is just perfect for me..he s polite..patient and handsome..and i know muslim men protects thier wifes and kids like treasures.he doesnt lyk me to flaunt myself and preserve my beauty only for him.this is why i love him evn more.i hate hindu boys.they consider themselves lyk GODS BEFORE WOMEN. They humiliate and beat them.well its my personal observation.m an athiest bt would lyk to like to convert to islam after marrige..
        Wish me luck

  16. Asalaam Alaikum,

    I´ve found this website just accidentally and was very interested and touched by your stories.
    I also met someone who is not from my culture, who was married before and whom I “should” avoid.
    My culture never mattered to me (as much as it does to my family) because I disagree with many things and I look at it differently, I only see Islam as the right basis of living life. So I decided for myself to find someone who has got the same intentions as me, who wants to please God. And if this someone has got another skin colour/comes from another culture/was married before.. but aims sincerely the right way, he wont make a difference to me.
    Inshallah, I wish everyone the right guidance, happiness and forgiveness.

    Selaam,
    Lejla

  17. I am converted to Islam living here in the Philippines. I have a Saudi fiance for six years who lives in Saudi. I want to know if how long will it take for the Saudi ministry to give my fiance the “no objection letter?”.we are waiting for two years for that before getting married. Please. I nedd answers… Thanks..

  18. I think the problem is not about different races. In South Asia; Muslims live in the same culture. Still there are separate colonies for those who are native and those who think they are Arabs and Mughals. There are numerous differences between them inspite of the fact that they live in the same city; same locality. People are split on tribal and other lines. Some think they are Arabs and view others as low. Arabs view Pathans as low and they in turn view Julahas as inferior. And there is no marriage between them. In fact; the more richer sections of them search in other states for their brides. It’s all pure feudalism and I find it repulsive and tribal and barbaric. So it’s the heart and beliefs of the partners and the society which create problems; not the race or culture.

  19. Asalamu alikum..
    I didnt read all of text, or the comments…..
    But I sence that most of you are against racism…Alhamdulilah.

    I want to share a thought: Without mentioning where i am from.
    I never saw my country, was born somewhere in the arab world.
    And came to Europe at the age of 10.

    I never saw myself marrying my own…although i didnt mind marrying someone like me?: I mean someone who has 3 different cultures-background…ofcourse Quran and Sunnah.
    And at the same time i was really confiused as to who I should marry?

    Shall I marry a guy that I dont like: inshaAllah a good brother…but the idea of being his wife was just taking a chance of something uncertain! Just to please my parents?

    Or? Shall I follow my common sence (AFTER PRAYING MUCH ISTIKHARA), and just say no.?
    It happend to me and the brother waited for a year….and for me it was a burden. I thought if i said “No” to a good brother I would for sure be in hell (I ask Allah to save us all from it..ameen). I prayed Istikhara for a about year…or so….as the wedding was being arranged…it ended so fast and swift…and i was soooooooooo happy. But wallahi the brother was that of good manners..he gave me a nasiha: that i shouldnt, wait very long in answering back. And alhamdulilah…it was not the will of Allah.

    I said to myself. That I wont marry to please my parents… nor will I marry to displease them.
    Alhamdulilah my parents were not as difficult as i thought they were….
    Am happily married with 2 boys.
    And my parents adore my husband….and he loves them.
    May Allah Guide us all….towards the happiness in dunya and aakhira.
    It really sadens me, when a brother and a sister living in the west cant be married because of their parents….. they should be pleased…that they have found a muslim/muslimah.

    NOTE: I agree with Muhammad(falastine) that we should approach the potential spouse within the realm of the sharia…
    Salatil Istikhara helps allot………………..use it!

    • Bint Ibrahim, thanks so much for sharing your story. It’s really good to hear about someone who resisted being pressured into a match that didn’t feel right, and then ended up happily married Alhamdulillah.

      Wael
      Zawaj.com Editor

  20. salameleikum BROTHERS & SISTERS !! :)))
    please help me !!!
    i have start to like this mu7tarma arab girl. she is best in religionnn i have ever seen mashAllah; modest and down to earth and does not talk to guys at all. she is devotedd to her deen amazingly :).
    i am confident so i approached her and we talk, but ofcorse i am giving her the privacy and limit. she is PALESTINIAN and i m PAKISTANI. although the reason i want to marry her is primarily her DEEEN but culture is important too. what do u think ? and 2ndly, what is the islamic way to approach her for marriage because i hope the attraction i m building in her is not 7aramm :P

    JIZAKALLAH khair and MAY ALLAH bLESS all those who read this- AMEEN :)

  21. I am an African American Christian woman. When my Egyptian Muslim husband asked me to marry him I approached my parents and the reaction was immediate disapproval. My mother said no under no uncertain terms. My husband said he would not even approach his father because he knew that he would disapprove as I was not Muslim. I know that the obstacles are many due to religious and cultural differences. I know in my heart that God has sanctioned our marriage and that we will be happy and as time goes by we will bridge the gap between our religions and culture. I am now only married for 4 months and my husband has only recently told his father that he is married because he had to as his father wanted to make arraingements for him to marry another (which is perplexing to me as this is not an Islamic practice). It really hurts my heart knowing that his father will not accept me and that his mother’s approval will not even be voiced because of her loyalty to her husband. It is so sad that I have not met his parents but I so love my husband and I know he loves me. We are legally married and making plans to have our Egyptian wedding party in May. I had hoped by this time that he could have convienced his parents that our marriage is good and blessed by God. I know that with time my parents will grow to love my husband because he is a good and kind man that he has my best interest at heart. I just pray that my husband’s father will one day grow to love accept me.

    • Kendee, thanks for sharing your story. I fear that bridging the gap between religions may not be as easy as you think, especially if you have children. What religion will they follow? Have you discussed this with your husband?

      Have you considered converting to Islam? Islam is not a repudiation of Christianity, but rather the fulfillment of what Jesus (peace be upon him) brought. It certainly would solidify your marriage on a common spiritual foundation.

      Wael
      Zawaj.com Editor

      • You are probably right. As my husband’s father has two wives and two sets of children and no one is happy. I would prefer my husband convert to Christianity. I would like to raise our children as Christians.

        • Kendee, a practicing Muslim could never accept that. Having children who grow up without Islam would be the greatest possible failure in life. That’s why I do not recommend marriage to Christians.

          Wael
          Zawaj.com Editor

          • I understand and for this reason I promised never to even date a Muslim man. I had a male Muslim close friend whom i still remain friends with today that I would never get close to because I felt that I would be cheating on Jesus. This friend is such a good person and friend that I was open to date my now husband. My duty as a Christian is to introduce my Christian faith to everyone. I am praying that my husband will find Jesus. We will cross the bridge between faith when we get to it.

          • kendee; please read this book and you will find the reason why children should not be raised in christianity and islam is the truth.

            http://islam4all.com/myth_of_the_cross.htm

  22. I know this post is a bit old, but I found the comments really useful, and so I wanted to share my experience.
    I’m British sister of West African descent. My parents were always against the idea of me marrying anyone of a different culture and even more so, when it was someone of a difference race. I had several proposals from brothers of different cultures, but refused them because I really wanted my families support in my marriage.
    But only Allah knows what He(swt) has planned for. This year I got a proposal from a practicing British brother of Pakistani descent. When he approached me about his intention for marriage, the first thing he asked me was if I would have an issue with him being Pakistani? Subhan’Allah, it’s sad that he felt the need to ask that. It’s sad that this is the state of the Ummah, that we put more emphasis on culture than religion. I realised at that point how un-Islamic it was for me to refuse brothers just because of their background, but I still felt that both our families would be against it. So I suggested that our families meet early on and if they get along and they are both happy with the proposal, only then would we go ahead with it. We made lots of du’a, prayed istikharah and put our trust in Allah and Subhan’Allah the day our families met they got along so well and were supportive of our choices.

    We really don’t know what Allah(swt) has planned for us. The most important thing is to follow the shari’ah and seek Allah(swt) pleasure in everything we do. It wasn’t always easy, but Allah kept us strong and allowed us to remind each other throughout our courtship that we want to get marriage to each other for the sake of Allah, and so if we do anything that’s displeasing Him(swt) we can’t expect to be successful in our relationship. Alhamdulillah for the deen of Islam. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. We both accept each others’ culture and we try to learn from each other so we can pass our cultures onto our children and they’ll be able to speak both our languages, but Islam is always most important to us. Allah(swt) has made us into nations and tribes so that we can get to know each other. I get on so well with his mother and my parents love him like a son. I think it also helped our relationship that we were both raised in the UK, so we had our own Islamic British culture in common. Alhamdulillah I’ve truly got a wonderful husband, and I wouldn’t have had him in my life if I didn’t let go of my narrow minded views about other peoples’ cultures.
    I pray that Allah(swt) blesses you all with religious partners, ameen.

    “Be the change you want to see in the World” (Mahatma Gandhi)

    • It was really nice to read your true story.. However at the end you quoted some saying of Ghandi, that did not pleased me as I think as a Muslim we have many wornderful and true saying in form of Holy Quran, Hadiths and sayings of four Caliphs (May Allah be pleased with them). I hope you will not mind and think on it.

      • Indeed we do have many beautiful sayings in Islam. And Muslims should be more aware of some of the beautiful writings of the scholars. However, truth is truth no matter where it is found. There is no harm in quoting a non-Muslim if there is truth in the words.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Truth, beauty and wisdom can be found in many places. The Prophet(saw) said, ‘Wisdom is the lost property of the Believer; wherever he finds it, he has the right to take it’. `Ali (ru) explained this as: ‘Wisdom is the lost property of the Believer, so take wisdom wherever you find it, even from a disbeliever.’

            I would have welcomed a replay post of quotes from Muslims that achieved a similar meaning that was given in the quote I posted by Ghandhi.
            “If you find something lacking, replace it with something better.”
            “Anyone can find faults, but not everyone can fix them.”

            Some possible quotes that could have been used…
            “The true greatness of man lies in his capacity for eternal progress.” (Imam Al-Ghazali)
            “Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.” (Jelaluddin Rumi)
            “Let Allah be the ruler over your hearts, not the duniya (world)”

            May Allah(swt) Grant us knowledge that will be of benefit, Guide us to the haqq and Assist us to do deeds that will be accepted, ameen.

  23. Hey.. these stories really touched me, I am sorta going through the same myself and i was wondering if i could get any advice? I am pakistani.. and unfortunatly for me, where i live, culture seems to be more important than anything.. As my parents were born in pakistan and i am one of the eldest, its like a given that i follow what they say, i do not want to disappoint them but i feel i have to. See, this Arab boy from tunisia has asked to marry me.. we have been talking for three months and i want to know him better, but he is very genuine and very relegious mashallah. He truely wants to marry me and wants to ask my parents for my hand in marriage and i know my parents would refuse him outright and probably ban me from speaking to him again.. we havnt done anything haram, he lives in tunisia.. i have not seen him in actual, but he has really touched my heart.. another thing is that, my step aunties husband is his best friend.. and my family refuses to let her come to the home because she is half caste. And i fear they will do the same to me.. i approached my real aunt about this topic of marrying out of caste/race and she said you will have to run away if that happens because it will disgrace the family name.. but surely Allah Swt created us all equally.. and he is a good muslim, surely thats all that matters? but i dont know what to do about this.. help please?

    • Assalaamu Alaykum ukhti

      I can understand what you are going through and how you are feeling. Sister, it’s really important that you keep in mind the level of respect and esteem given to parents. There are many places in the Qur’an where Allah mentions obeying the parents right after worshipping Him(swt). Although there are many sisters still unmarried in their thirties, because of the restrictions placed upon them by their family and culture, the fear of this should not cause sisters to disown their families in the pursuit of happiness. Allah(swt) is the controller of the heavens and earth and He(swt) is able to do anything. Wake up for tahajjud and implore Him(swt) sincerely and he will grant you what is best for you.

      “And it may be that you dislike something while it is good for you; and it may be that you love something while it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you do not know.” (Sural Al-Baqarah – 2: 216)

      We, as women are easily swayed by kind words and symbols of affection, but it is our guardians (wali/mahram/father/brother) who will be able to assist us in finding the perfect partner and protect us from being exploited. If you get the consent of your mahram, you can rest assure that they have taken the necessary steps to find you a good brother. Following the sunnah is always better.

      I would advise you to make the firm intention to please you parents, because it is through them that you will be able to please Allah, and when He(swt) is pleased with you, He(swt) will grant you more than you could have asked for. I can only speak from experience. A year before finding my husband my parents refused a proposal from an Arab brother. I was more than distraught at the time, because I had my heart set on that marriage. I could have left my family and married him anyway, but more than my own happiness I wanted my parents to be happy. In a matter of 12 months Allah sent my husband and he is masha’Allah more than I could have wished for. Although, at the time that he proposed I thought my parents would again refuse because he wasn’t West African, Allah(swt) put something in their hearts, and they warmed to him so easily.

      Above all else, ukhti do what is pleasing to Allah and obey your parents in everything accept that which causes you to disobey Allah. If you desire something from this world or the akhirah, there is none greater than Allah, who can grant you what you ask for. Keep firm in praying your salat and make istighfar and you will find the One Who Holds the dominion of the heavens and the earth, will grant you more than you desire.

      (P.S. This is one of my favourite du’a from ‘Fortress of a Muslim’. I hope it will be as beneficial to you as it has been for me. Allah will grant whoever recites this seven times in the morning or evening whatever he desires from this world or the next. The chain of transmission is sound (Sahih).

      “حَسْبِيَ اللهُ لَآ إِلَهَ إِلَّا هُوَ عَلَيْهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَهُوَ رَبُّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ”.

      “Hasbiyallaahu laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa Huwa ‘alayhi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul-‘Arshil-‘Adheem.”
      ‘Allah is sufficient for me . There is none worthy of worship but Him . I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne.’

      (Ibn As-Sunni (no. 71), Abu Dawud 4/321. Both reports are attributed directly to the Prophet (saw))

      Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ash-hadu an-laa ilaa’ha illa Anta, Astagh’firuka wa atoobu ilayk
      (Glory is to You, O Allah, and All praise is to You. I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but You (alone).

      Your sister in Islam
      Islamiyah

      • Thankyou sister, your words touched my heart, Only Allah knows whats going to happen in the future, and i should listen to my parents, I would never want to disrespect them because they have done so much for me. I have recited that dua and will continue to recite it everyday.. Allah knows best inshallah he will guide me in the right path. Thankyou again for the advice I really appreciated it:)

  24. Asalam walaykum,
    I am a American-West African young lady, and to me I don’t care too much about culture i just care about Islam. But my entire family cares wayyyy tooooo much about culture. I want to marry an muslim persian man, but we both have doubts about our families excepting even though we both have the same religion. I also have a child from a previous marriage. I just don’t know what to do because I honestly don’t mind going with his culture. I just want to marry him and practice Islam together. We want to make all parties happy.

  25. Only extreme racists have problems with mixed marriages. They blow the differences out of the water. There can be greater differences between siblings in the same family than differences between races within a society — That’s regarding race.

    Culturally, the differences ARE greater even with the same race. A first generation Bengali descendant in NYC may have very little in common with a person in Bangladesh. This same person may have a 5% compatibility ratio with a person from Bangladesh but an 85% affinity with the average white or black american based on language, sense of humor, shared life experiences etc… However, asian, white or black pride will prevent these unions

    Language, on the other hand can be very difficult to overcome – if two people share no language together – they WILL have to share a language in order to get married.

    Moreover, Islaam provides us with the highest level of guidance for mankind – and the Messenger of the Most High (peace be upon him) ordered the Muslims to partake in mixed race marriages to ‘strengthen and improve’ our blood.

  26. Salamu Alaikom,
    I found this website by just googling how can a mulim woman get married without her parents’ acceptance.
    I met my man 2 years ago… I am Arab and he is Pakistani. we took classes together and we became good friends and from there we started to have strong feelings for each other. He is the kindest person on earth.. he would cook for me at first as i never knew how to cook..in the begining he would bring me medicine when i am sick… he would give me rides..help me around ..take care of me… and by time we spent all the time together.. our breakfatss together our lunches together our dinners together.. he checks on me before his work.. after he gets off from work.. always took care of each other. in two years i know him by heart..his good and his bad..but then I had to leave to my country.
    we still talk and we want marriage.. but my family will not accept…
    I am recently thinking …to get married without their approval..Islam has different say in this… some say we can get married …without wali approval if wali haas no good reason.. others say we can’t get married..
    I love him… I want to be his wife in Halal.. he is a good man… but they just don’t want him cuz he is from different nationality…
    what can I do…
    he is very hard working.. protective.. respectful.. he is very good…I can’t imagin myself with another man…

    • Fatima, is his race / nationality the only reason your parents are rejecting him? It seems that your relationship with him has gone beyond the bounds of what is appropriate between men and women in Islam, and I’m wondering if that is part of the reason your parents are against him.

      Has he gone to meet your parents and ask for your hand in marriage properly?

      You can try submitting your question at our sister site, IslamicAnswers.com, and also check similar questions and answers there from others.

      Wael
      Zawaj.com Editor

      • Yes his nationality is the only reason my mother mainly is rejecting him. She knows him very well she always liked him..and told everyone how good this man is… but when my cousin told her that we want to get married she said that no way on earth because she wants me to stay in our country and she says that arrying a foreigner is very hard as they can never make sure I am safe if I am in a far country.
        In fact all my family talk to him..my sisters also liek him.. and they welcome our marriage and say as logn as he is a muslim then it’s fine with them.
        Our relationship hasn’t gone beyond what’s acceptable. we were classmates and good friends, he never even approached my apartment. Moreover, he encourges me to wear hijab he encourages me to pray all the time… he made me a better person…
        he didn’t go directly to my parents, because he is still abroad but he always tries to talk to mama… and itired several times to talk her into it.. but she won’t accept…
        thank you for your help i will see where i should submit..

  27. Assalamu ‘alaikum.

    I’m going through the same problem as some of the commentators have stated above. Please do remember me in your du’as .

  28. Assalamu alaykum all,

    What a shame we still have to discuss these matters when Allah looks at our hearts. What a shame skin, hair and eyes color is a big issue to some muslim families (including mine). We are all born muslims (we get conditioned by the environment) and calling someone a revert, convert, and base refusal on that very fact is demeaning and very unislamic. Islam is not in the DNA it’s a choice and only Allah guides His slaves to the right path. Some families sadly believe that born muslims are more pious than reverts by nature – well that’s not completely true. Only Allah knows what’s in our hearts we can only judge what we can see. I have had the same problem with my family and it’s most frustrating, especially when you have reached a level of education that enables you to understand certain things beyond the boundaries set by your own culture and take them for granted, and still your own family can not understand that and won’t try to understand it. It’s so painful, for I am not given the chance to live life because what is important to me in marriage is not the the cornerstone of a successful marriage in their opinion. Inter-ratial marriage’s reputation is blemished by the hallmarked failure-stories some have experienced – but aren’t intra-cultural marriages prone to experiencing crises, too? You can not explain this to a stubborn mind not even through illustrations from real life let alone through theoretical assumptions. It’s so painful I find myself alone because I can not be with the man of my choice and with whom I foresee an enriching spiritual experience. My right, and other young women’s right in getting married is being delayed because of such a backwards notion of relationships. Makes me want to flee sometimes but alhamdulillah there is always a door to escape this pressure and that door is duaa. The way our people celebrate their identities and relate to other people opens a gap between different cultures leaving us culturally and spiritually poor and pathetically void of any values.

    May Allah guide us

  29. Asamualaykum everyone

    i know this is a pretty old post but the comments here have been very useful, so thank you so much for that. Obviously marrying someone from the same country and culture would make a marriage slightly easier, but if their love for the deen is lower than their love for the culture.. then wouldn’t it’ll be harder? Especially when they stick by superstitions and traditions from the culture that conflict with Islam, yet they chose culture over deen, sometimes out of ignorance and pride (Allah knows best). Why not bring out the best of both cultures (ie food, music, dress etc), take away the things that conflict with Islam, yet make the true Islam the main and most important thing in a marriage.
    Anyway, just less than a month ago a brother added me online (by an Islamic page on fb). He was promoting a website he had created about the endtimes in Islam (which we both have great interest in). We would mostly speak about the deen and strategies of spreading the website etc.. we also discussed aspects of marriage and what we’d expect from our future potential spouses etc
    We’re both pretty young (him being 3 years older) and when we talk online its very respectable and straight forward.
    He’s the first young man i’ve found to have sincere love for his deen and to take Islam seriously, with all the fitna and temptations all around i was quite suprised. For that i feel i have developed some sort of feelings for him, in hope that one day i’d be able to meet this brother and get to know him (the halal way with no physical relationship what so ever and avoiding being alone with him).
    There are a number of problems though: Firstly, the thought of marriage rarely crossed my mind until i met this brother online, since i am young of age (16). (Alhamdulilah, i think its a good sign that i desire to marry through a halal process, without commiting harram beforehand)
    Secondly, he is from a different culture, and also lives in a different country. I’m an (north african) arab living in the UK while he’s an asain living in the US. Casually i asked my parents what they thought of interracial marriages, and expectedly they’re weren’t terribly excited of the thought of me marrying someone of a different country let alone from a different continent. They said your children wouldn’t be considered ‘moroccan’ anymore by the rest of society and the children will have to follow the father’s culture. There were some stereotypical opinions but they said at the end of it its my choice.. Alhamdulilah they’re alittle open minded
    Thirdly, this brother doesn’t know my feelings for him..

    So, what would your advice be? How could i ever meet him in person (of course following the halal way of doing so) How could i inform him that i’d like to meet him in the future to get to know him (for marriage)? am i too young to even think about who my potential spouse could be in the future? What if he doesn’t feel the same, he said he would marry someone if he was financially prepared. How should i explain to my parents if they ask how i first got into contact with him? since they wouldn’t have arranged it themselves. I would love to tell my parents that i desire to get to know and marry this young man, but they will tell me i’m too young to even think about marriage, and to focus of my education, get a degree/job etc. After doing research on marriage in Islam i’ve learnt it is advisable(for health reasons) and sunnah to marry young, and of course when you are responsible for such an important decision.

    Brother wali carter i am also very inspired by your story, since you were in contact online, came from different cultural backgrounds and even lived in different countries masha’Allah

    May Allah grant us with what is best for us, Ameen

    • Assalamu’alaikum Sister,
      First of all I want to commend you for even thinking about marriage at this age. As we both know, at age 16 it’s a time when there are so many distractions around you and shaytan is constantly whispering in the ears of the youth to do things that are harram. So I am happy that you have not been distracted and are looking to do the right thing.
      As for your question and what should you do? Of course you know that I will never tell anyone not to marry outside of their culture. There are plenty of people who do and their marriages are successful. There are plenty who get married within their culture and it is not successful. The key to any marriage is communication and work. You have to work at it in order for it to be productive but the most important thing is that the marriage is based on Islam and not culture. Both of you should have the same love of the deen and not dunya. Both of you should be working to help each other become better Muslims. When a husband and wife can work together with love for the deen then you will see strong Muslim children coming from that marriage.
      In terms of what you should do right now, I would not consider this young man. It’s possible that he is a very good brother of sound character and his deen is solid. But do you really think your parents will allow you to go to the US for marriage. Right now, at age 16 you will be fighting an uphill battle with your parents. You already said that they are not keen to the idea of marrying outside of your culture and on top that he lives in the US. If you were older then I would say to explore it a little closer but right now I would have to say no.
      If you really want to get married then see if you can find someone in the UK. That doesn’t mean he should be of your culture just someone in the UK who is a good Muslim. Remember, the most important thing is that he is a practicing Muslim with good character. He should be honest and trustworthy and he should respect you. That might make it easier for your parents to accept right now.
      Insha’allah I have answered your question. If you have additional questions please don’t hesitate to write again.
      Your brother in Islam
      Abdul Wali Carter

      • Asalamualaykum brother thank you for your response, thats very true
        Of course i wouldn’t marry now, since i’m still in education etc.. i’d like to get to know him in the future maybe within the next 5-10 years or so insha’Allah :)
        I heard that our spouses are already written for us, so we should keep our relationship with the deen firm first and Allah will bless us with a spouse when the right time comes for He knows what’s best for us
        It’s embarrassing to admit but its probably just a little crush and also the fascination of seeing a young man committed to the deen (which is rare to find unfortunately)
        Maybe i should just focus on education and make my relationship with the deen stronger.. time will tell in the future and Allah knows best.. just got to be patient
        Again i thank you for your advice
        Peace and the mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you

        • Walaikum Salaam!!

          Sister, you are absolutely correct, continue with your education and get stronger in your deen. You seem to be very mature for your age and I am impressed, so continue on your quest of knowledge of this deen. No one can ever take what you have learned away from you, and when it is your time for marriage you will know exactly what type of person you are looking for because Allah(swt) will make clear what is good for you and what is not. Remember when the time comes for marriage look at his deen and character which are most important not where he comes from or how he looks.

          Your brother in Islam

          Abdul Wali Carter

      • As Salaam Alaikum, bro. It’s true my adopted Jewish family and my multiracial blood family relationships are a bit severed and and were long before I took Shahadah no matter what I wanted to believe, insha’Allah. But I risked being murdered by a psychopath claiming to be Muslim back in 2006 so I could take shahadah off the internet, and I stayed at Islam and that fool is gone for good as in jail for life with his so-called Muslim mother who was also his baby mama and who couldn’t handle me because I looked too close to white, not the other way around. Don’t I deserve just as much as any Muslim sister who was born into a Muslim family insha’Allah? My race is one big question mark in any community. I am American and probably a lot more indigenous to this land than anyone writing here really is Who are you to judge these situations? You know very well in Philly interracial marriages with Muslims of black American heritage and sisters who become Muslim of other races are actually stronger and more appreciative and respectful and have less fitna and fighting in the dynamics than between blacks in the same Ummi even if you do not want to admit it-and the lighter sisters of other cultures have more to risk to become Muslim, as unpopular as it may be to say this. I am dead tired of Jerry Springer stereotypes being promoted as what women of other cultures are who marry black men and I wish Jerry Springer would be tried for war crimes and pimping along with Maury Povich-ESPECIALLY Maury Povich-whose show is little more than a minstrel show that the people actually have to choose to go on for very little money to disrespect everybody they know, especially themselves, all one the world-which makes it worse in some ways than the 1800’s minstrel shows. You are not the one to pass judgement on me, bro. I would like you to take a tip from a favorite hip hop artist of mine and be humble.

  30. AssalamoAlaikum, i wanted to ask a question in islamic advice section, i registered myself as well, but i am unable to post a new topic or find any link or tab to start a new topic….can you please help me with this

  31. I’m looking at this from a whole other view, I’ll explain. I am a Chechen girl, and my parents will never want to see my face ever again if I marry someone who is not Chechen, and I understand that. Because Chechnya is a small Muslim republic in Southern Russia, and there are less than 2 million Chechens widespread in the whole world. So we will face a problem like extinction within a centuries if we don’t marry Chechens. So don’t you think it is a good purpose to stick to your own “race” in such situations? Because we’re talking about the extinction of a whole nation/culture/language. And we have such a beautiful culture in Chechnya, it would be such a loss if we disappeared within a few centuries.

    • @ Someone, I completely understand where you’re coming from, but the biggest threat facing your people are the Russians.

  32. I’m Caucasian and my wife is African; we united upon tawheed and this ensured a solid marriage whereby any dispute is referred back to Allah sub7anahu wa ta’ala and his messenger (salallahu ‘alaihi wa salaam) for judgement. Alxamdulillah!

  33. Assalamualaikum. In sha Allah there will be someone to reply to my post with beneficial advice. I am 26 years old from London UK and my parents were born both in Pakistan. I have told my mum i’d like to get married soon as alhamdulillah i am finally practising Islam and i know that marriage is of great importance. The thing is, i know that i am attracted to black brothers and so i would like to marry a pious black brother. Piety is the main quality i need in my future husband but attraction is extremely important also. My mum is cultural and has said i can do that if i want but she’ll never speak to me again. I respect and adore my mum but what she is saying has no basis in Islam. In fact it goes against the teachings of Islam in regards to racism. So i just dont know what to do? It is worth me marrying someone of the same skin colour simply so my mum will be happy, or should i go with my heart?

    • Bint Haider, in my opinion, choosing someone because of the color of his skin is a kind of reverse racism. It’s a fetish. Do you think a man wants to be chosen just because his skin is dark? If you want to do the right thing then choose an individual, not a skin color. Try to see people as individual human beings. Look at the person’s character, his personality, his taqwa. When you find someone who appeals to you on that level, and if indeed there is some attraction, then choose him, regardless of his race.

      Wael
      Zawaj.com Editor

  34. JazakAllah khair for your response. I understand where you’re coming from but it doesn’t apply in my case as i do not have a fetish. Everybody has preferences and features they prefer on members of the opposite sex. For example some like slim women/men whilst others like large women/men, some like brown hair whilst others prefer blond etc. I am simply not attracted to light skin.

  35. Asc
    I greet you all with the islamic greeting.I would like to also discuss this issue about marrying outside one
    Culture.I am a Muslim somali American young women who is starting college soon and I have plans of
    marrying inshallah and settling down soon.I don’t know whether I wil
    marry a Somali man or not but I think Somalis are very racist.I asked
    an uncle of mine if he would allow his daughter to marry a an American
    man and he said there was no way in hell.REMBER MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS in faith that is not what the PROPHET PBUH said.He once listen to your leader even if he is a freed slave.Rember that Usamah binuzayd was married to a Quraishi women.SO LETS END THIS KNOW SOMALI , PAKISTANI, ARAB ETC.
    Lets set a good example for the new generation to come.And may Allah reward us all for our good deeds and forgive us for our sins.I know i am late on this posting because I just found this site but u hope
    someone will benefit from it like I have from the previous comments.May allh make our graves wider for us. and forgive the living and the dead and our parents and elders .AMEEN.

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