No intimacy for 4 months, are we divorced?


I have been married for 6 months, but for the last 3 months we haven’t had physical contact. His excuse is that we have been fighting, so he doesn’t feel like it. Have heard by many people that the marriage becomes invalid if the couple doesn’t engage in intimacy for 4 months time.

Sexless marriage, lack of intimacy

Is divorce automatic after 4 months without intimacy?


Assalamu alaykum

In the name of Allah the Inspirer of Truth.

Although it is a right of the wife to have relations at least once in four months, it does not technically invalidate the marriage if the husband does not fulfill this. Having said this, it is definitely a sin to deprive the wife of this right without any valid reason or permission. “Because we fight” seems to be a psychological reason for losing interest.

You have to attempt to reconcile your differences and work out your differences together with compassion and compromise. If the reason for loss of interest is quarreling then those quarrels have to stop. This seems to be the way to resolve your situation. Always act with kindness, patience, love and affection towards him. This way, he will, insha Allah change his perspective about you and rekindle the flame of love.

If there are also other reasons which you cannot work out together, then it would best for you two to see a counseling scholar in this regard. There is very limited information as to the specifics of this question to suggest any other recourse in this response.

And Allah knows best.


Abdurrahman Ibn Yusuf,

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Husband and Wife Relationship


  1. Assalamuwalaikum

    I live in the USA and soon I am going to marry a girl who lives in the UK via my wali and witnesses, InshaAllaa’h. But I will not be able to meet her in one year because of my study and some other reasons. Will this invalid our marriage?



    • Muhammad, the delay will not invalidate your marriage. There is no deadline for consummating the marriage, and no requirement to be together right away. But of course if you want a healthy, happy marriage then you need to be together. That’s the whole point, after all.

      Wael Editor

  2. During my previous marriage, it wasnt consumated for about 5 years. I was in love and didnt tell anyone. Until my ex found out it was his problem and started becoming cruel. Once my father found out he did not want this continue and hence the sides mutually that we should not continue the marriage.

    However when filing for divorce we were told that a automatic divorce happens after 6 months of no sex, despite us living under the same roof. We did the divorce anyway.

    So is there any indication at all, regarding couples under the same roof and not consumating the marriage?

  3. I am american that marry a man from ghanee which is Muslim ,he left me and telling me we are divorce because there was no sex for 3 months but he goes to Africa to marry,comes back to the US..are kidding me ,what is that please help me to understand ..

    • Tanya, what is he is telling you is not true. Lack of intimacy does not mean an automatic divorce. He should divorce you properly if he does not want to be with you anymore. Or, if you are legally married, go to court to obtain a civil divorce.

      Wael Editor

  4. I have been married for 10 years. I only had sex once with my husband on our wedding night. Since then we sleep in separate rooms. He doesn’t feel attracted to me. I am an average looking woman.

    I am the bread earner. He is living with me only because he cannot afford himself (he is jobless and does not make any efforts to find a suitable job) I have been trying to fulfil all the duties of a responsible wife (cooking, washing, caring for him and his family)

    Does that mean, my marriage is invalid because we have not had sex for such a long time?

    • Your marriage is not invalid. There is nothing that invalidates or ends a divorce in Islam except for divorce (or if one of the partners apostates from Islam).

      I strongly suggest that you divorce him. He is not fulfilling any of his duties as husband and I don’t see how you benefit in any way from this so-called “marriage”.

      Wael Editor

  5. married for over a year now and havent had any physical contact. not even once on our wedding night. my wife just says she wants time. i dont know what to do. should i be forceful or should i divorce her?

    • DO NOT be forceful with her, and do not divorce her. Be patient. It’s not an easy thing for a Muslim woman who is raised in a culture of purdah and modesty to suddenly change and allow herself to be intimate with a man. Go slow. Start with embraces and hugs. After some time you can proceed to simple caresses, then kisses. Ease her into it. Let her become comfortable with you, and give time for her natural desires to awaken.

      Wael Editor

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