How an Arranged Marriage Worked for Me

Loving mother in law

By Feni Shah. Reprinted from AkkarBakkar.com

I was 24 when I got engaged and it was actually a miracle. A girl who never understood the concept of arranged marriages and was always of the opinion that it’s impossible to judge someone in a few meetings, was suddenly so positive about a guy in the first meeting. I come from a nuclear family and his was a big joint family with 14 people staying in one house.

India is known for joint families and most of the time, staying with mothers-in-law is unavoidable and also painful. After marriage when a girl goes to stay with her in-laws, even a simple day to day life looks like war for her. A war of emotions, a war of preferences, interest, love, and even living becomes a whole big fight. I think nobody ever understood why mothers-in-law are so difficult to handle.

My case is very different and that’s why I’m writing this. Every time I listen to the miseries of my friends who go through hell with their husbands’ families, I always thank my stars. My mother-in-law is nothing like what I hear of from my friends. She’s a loving woman. I smile a little more in my house because of her.

It’s been a year that I’ve been married but not once have I heard a knock on my room’s door early in the morning. I’m free to put my alarm on snooze and sleep some more. In fact she keeps telling me to go back to sleep when I wake up early on holidays.

Glass of milk

“She always ensures that when I leave for work, I have a glass of milk.”

Usually I’ve heard my friends complain that they are supposed to cook and come to office and go back home and cook again. In my case, I always have my tiffin ready and hot and fresh food available by the time I come back home from work. This credit also goes to the joint family I live in. The small things that my mother-in-law does like, she always ensures that when I leave for work, I have a glass of milk or she will make sure I carry a fruit with me to the office to have it in evening — all of this makes me feel at home.

There are times when I’m angry and just then, I remember the first advice ever given to me by my mother-in-law — “LET GO”. and I actually let go and ignore it, trust me, the situation becomes much easier to handle.

I just want to thank her for being a part of my dream. With her and my husband and the entire family’s support in this one year I have again started studying and pursuing my Master’s in Law. I was always passionate about teaching and with their encouragement, I gave it a try. I got selected as visiting faculty in one of the colleges for teaching Law. Also being a Company Secretary by profession, with the support of my family, I have started my own firm along with my existing job.

Everyone says that a mother-in-law can never be a mother, but in my case, she is my mother, I just met her 24 years too late in my life. She is the heroine of my story and I can’t thank her enough for being one.

Author’s Note:
This is my personal story. Today is my first anniversary and I thought I should gift my husband something. But then before him, I want to gift something to the lady who made marriage so simple for me.

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In-Laws

3 Comments

  1. It’s really good to hear from the other side of the equation, where the wife is happy with the mother-in-law and even finds her to be helpful and kind. What a good model for us inshaAllah.

  2. I heard from many scholars that women r only allowed to work if its necessary,otherwise she shouldnt work,is it true?if its not true,then why?

    • That is a traditional and unnecessarily conservative view, in my opinion.

      Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported: My maternal aunt was divorced, and she intended to pluck her dates [from palm trees]. A person scolded her for having come out (during her waiting period). She came to the Prophet (peace and blessins be upon him) and he told her: “Certainly you can pluck (dates) from your palm trees, for perhaps you may give out charity or do an act of kindness.” [Muslim, Sahih).

      We do not live under the Taliban. women are not prisoners in their home. They are human beings, citizens, and independent spirits created by Allah. They have rights like anyone else.

      Wael
      Zawaj.com Editor

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