Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The Sin of Fornication and Adultery – Part 1

The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

sin freedomWe’ve all heard of the seven deadly sins, but in reality their number is not limited to seven. Abdullah ibn 'Abbas said: "Seventy is closer to their number than seven".  A major sin is one for which the Quran/Sunnah prescribes a punishment in this life and in the next, or that sin for which the sinner has incurred a curse by Allah or the Messenger (sal-Allahu alayhi wa-sallam).

Fornication and Adultery will be discussed here and is one of the major sins mentioned on this frightening list of seventy sins on: http//www.themodernreligion.com/misc/hh/major_sins.htm

Each of the sins listed has attached to it seemingly smaller sins which accumulate and lead to the bigger sin.  Hence it makes complete sense to understand that to indulge in the acts that lead to the major sin are sin as well. So we should do our utmost to protect ourselves from the paths that lead to the major sins.

***

I felt it was necessary to discuss this subject here as so many of the questions submitted on IslamicAnswers.com are from people who have fallen into zina and are now despairing and even contemplating suicide.  I have briefly touched upon: warning people about how easily one can be lured towards zina, how to prevent oneself from falling into zina, the dire consequences if one does fall and the concept of Tawbah. This post has the following subheadings:

Part 1:

a) Seasons of sin - How a glance becomes despair

Part 2:

b) Why is Adultery/Fornication so attractive?

c) The million dollar question: How can we prevent ourselves from giving into our base desires?

Part 3

d) Tame your wild horse before it tramples all over you!

d) There is way back through Sincere Tawbah

f) Conceal your sins, its an obligation!

g) There are blessings in following Allah’s way

Seasons of sin - How a Glance becomes Despair

***

Summer Days - Flowers and Stars 

dream

 

The road to zina (fornication and adultery) starts with a look, a glance, a sweet word, a tea, a coffee, a pizza, a shopping spree, studying together all cosied up in the uni library...'Chill out, its just innocent fun' (I hear you say). The shame and shyness left time ago, so the rest starts to become a lot easier. Now the flirting, touching, hugging, the 'I love you's and 'xxx's sent through email and text messages, gradually turning from virtual to reality. Before you know what’s happening, your emotions have taken over and all logic and common sense have flown out the window along with the shame.

Allah? What, oh yeah, Allah and Islam, I'll think about that later, I'm not doing anything wrong - I'm just chilling out with Yasin. Its a cold drizzly day, and where you'd normally have to struggle out of your warm bed for college or work, today you jump up, cos all you're seeing are flowers and stars, all rosiness and glitter. Sound familiar? Allah(swt)'s warning in the Quran Surah Al Isra, Verse 32, bears little significance in our lives now: "And come not NEAR to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way."

Autumn - The Fall

This dizzy feeling of excitement or lust masquerading as love is oh but a very short lived satisfaction. Girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are major sins in Islam! Things do not “just happen.” One bad deed if not nipped in the bud, leads to another. You planted a bad seed and instead of repelling it at the first stage, you allowed it to become firmly planted and it began to flower. It was not innocent fun, it was the beginning of a long line of sins leading to zina and each of those seemingly 'minor' things were in fact not small, they were 'major'.  They were major, because each one stained your heart with a small black dot, until eventually your whole heart became covered with darkness.

Remember, Allah(swt) did not just say, 'Don't have unlawful sexual intercourse, He(swt) warned us against even 'coming near' it! Because you continued ignoring this, you were no longer able to see or hear the light or truth, you became confused.  Some of you hated doing those bad things, but your goal had become only to please your girlfriend/boyfriend.  Some of you enjoyed sinning and became slave to your lower desires. Either way, you became a slave to other than Allah, thereby committing indirect shirk.

Some of you have now become compulsive liars too, as you sneak out the door, telling your folks that you'll be studying in the library till late; when in fact you're meeting your lover, and forgetting your meeting with your Creator - Allah. When reminded about the punishments for your sins, you put your fingers in your ears and continue persevering in your wrong doing. You allowed your emotions to rule your soul.

Winter  - The Gloom

snow winter alone

 

Time passed, he left you for another girl, betrayed you, said hurtful things to you, used you physically, or your folks wouldn't let you marry and then, only then did you realise the enormity of your sins - finally. All that time you had forgotten that Allah was watching you, the angels had been watching and recording every single thing you did, every foul word you uttered, every lustful move you made, every footstep you took towards your sinful destination.

You no longer feel that flutter in your heart. The stars have vanished and the flowers have faded leaving behind thick thorny stems. The glitter has dulled and now you really feel the cold, even though the sun is beaming outside. The darkness covering your heart is turning to a muddled grey and the guilt has kicked in. The pain of separation, the pain of betrayal, the feeling of being used; and/or you feel depression from the emptiness where once your lover lay besides you. You hear the words 'I love you' ringing in your ears, but now wish you could erase each bitter memory, along with the stab in the back, the pangs of the heart, heaviness in the mind, the anger of frustration. You shudder, you fear and you feel grief at the realisation of your sins. You feel sick in the gut, you wish you had listened to your conscience and you wish you had had the confidence to just say 'No, Stop!'. You wish you could turn back the clock so you can be pure again. Why didn’t you just take heed before?!

Whats happened to you, to her, to him? She's suffering a dark cold depression, its such a lonely place to be. She's been physical with a guy and feels dirty, used, impure. The other sister has lost her virginity, he's lost his. She's missed her period, is she pregnant? He wants her to abort it. He can't face his parents, they'll kill him. She's caught a sexually transmitted disease. He'd been sleeping around. She used to be a model student. He's missed out, he failed high school, college, uni. 'Please stop, I can't listen to anymore,' I hear you say. But there is more brother, sister, there is more! You are disobeying Allah(swt) so much, you are disobeying your Creator. What if He(swt) takes your soul before you get a chance to stop and repent?! So face it now before you end up like this.

Is this talking to you? How will you let this end? Will you stop yourself now before it gets this bad? Or has it already become this bad? Wherever you are now my brother, my sister, STOP and turn back to Allah this very second. Stop and revert, otherwise just as the flowers die in the cold, your soul will die too.

***

Insha'Allah, my words are not falling on deaf ears. Insha'Allah they have pierced your soul and begun to awaken your sleeping heart. Please take heed and let their be a Spring, let the flowers start to grow again. Turn back to Allah now, while you are still breathing, there is still time. Please don't let it go.

Spring - New start

new bud seed

So you struggle to survive and when no-one else is around, Allah can Hear your cry, your guilt, your despair and your desperation from the inner depths of your heart and your soul.  Despite, you having broken Allah's Laws, He(swt) wants you to pick yourself up again. Turn back to Allah now and do sincere tawbah (repentance). He(swt) is waiting for you to ask of Him (swt). Allah says in the Qur'an in Surah Az-Zumar, Verse 53, "Do not despair of God's mercy; He will forgive you of all your sins".

Throw out the bad seeds and remove all traces of the thorny stem that spread so deep within your soul. Plant a single seed of goodness and the new flowers will begin to blossom again. Listen to your conscience, 'that' is the good thought that will help you smile once more - just accept the call of Allah and turn back to him through sincere Tawbah.

***

So my brother, my sister - check yourselves every night before you sleep. Ask yourself this: 'What did I do today that was wrong? And what can I do now to put things right?'

Nip it in the bud, don't let that 'glance' turn to 'despair'.

***

Click on the following links to see parts 2 and 3:

The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 2

The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 3

120 Responses »

  1. JazaKallah for the b'ful post....it made my tears flowing....

    • Dear Anam,

      May those tears become peals of wisdom, aameen.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • this is old post, but very touching,

        im deseprate girl this my story and looking forward for advise

        • ola, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will answer you as soon as we can Insha'Allah. Do not even think of taking your own life. It is a great sin and instead of saving you from shame, will only put you into greater torment. There is always a way out of any problem. Have faith and look for a way.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • how do i make a new post? or should i just put my question here?

        • Assalaamualaikam

          Please go to the "Submit your question" section (the link is at the top of the page) and follow the instructions there.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. ALHUMDULILLAH this is relly going to help sooo many people INSHALLAH as itis helping me...i hope INSHALLAH i can turn myself into a good Muslim and human being 🙂 INSHALLAH.
    this is relly a very beautiful post

    • Hmm,

      Keep Striving inshaAllah. If you remember Allah, He(swt) promises to remember you in a better way.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Salaam,thankyou for such a wonderful post,may Allah swt shower you all brothers and sisters for taking the time2help us all become better muslims,please remember me in your duas.jazakallah khair

  4. This has really made me realize what a fool humans can be. Thank you so much, this has brought tears to my eyes and I will try to be the best that I can be. Thank you so much. Allah bless you.

  5. allah ...please bless me and my child..... please forgive me blessme...... allah plz forgive me amen

  6. am lost for words this had a great impact on me

  7. Well, the time i started I am feeling now that how much guilt I have made and becoz of me how much the other had suffered, Sincerly, Allahmiya, I want to ask for Forgiveness. I have committed Sin. I am sorry my lord.

  8. why coceal your sins shouldn't you admit to them infront of trusted members of the muslim and ask for there help in stopping your sin I found that having support of the faithfull is handy

    • Ahmad,

      We should always try to conceal our sins - because Allah has told us to do so. If we do end up telling someone through weakness, we should not do so because we are boasting. It should be purely because we need help to improve ourselves. I know the world is not so ideal and sins and revealed more often than they should be - but Allah has told us that we should conceal them and so we should try our utmost to adhere to this.

      Think of this: if someone who had been highly respected made it known to many people that he had sinned, it would very possibly make those people who looked up to him to think, 'if he's done such and such, its not such a big deal if I do it too'. When sins are kept private by the sinner, it is because he feels ashamed, hence guilt. And this is 'shame and guilt' is an ingredient of true tawbah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Dear sister z,I don't understand ,we should always try to conceal our sins? Does this mean that if my husband sins in our marriage he should not tell me and conceal it from me?

        • Hi jenna. If he tells you then good. Maybe you could address it and work past it. The reality is that therelationship could break down completely in trust and communication. If he keeps it to himself, then he will feel the guilt and hence should sought forgiveness. If he continues then allah will test him further until he finally turns to allah in humility.

    • I agree with you on that. I never understood that.

  9. Sa it seems you are very intelligent and have great knowledge in islam. Your post was so beautiful I have saved it for my children to read and follow. May Allah Sa reward you for you have opened my eyes ears and heart in many ways. I also have some issues with my marriage that maybe inshallh you can shed some light on.
    (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

    • JazaakhAllahkhayr for your appreciation Sister Jasime. May Allah grant us all with not just knowledge but also wisdom and strong emaan, aameen.

      I had to delete your question though, as you must log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      Thank you,

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. thank you sooo much!!!

    this has helped me wonders...i am going to pray and ask for forgiveness ryt away..coz i dont even know if i have a tomorrow to look forward to..

    thanx a ton

    • Afrin,

      May Allah reward you so much for taking the time out to read this. There are two more parts to this article (on tawbah/repentance and on how to avoid falling into this sin), if you scroll to the top or the bottom of this page you will find the links. May Allah(swt) continue to guide you and fill your heart with the desire to do only that which is pure and beneficial for you in this life and the next, aameen!

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. Your post is wonderful it made me think its my story but as each and every person is doing such deeds.I am already changed as even I had posted here before too . And after such kind of sins as now I am changed I feel so relaxed. My life changing for better Alhundulillah . Really it was a lovely post thanks t

  12. Jazkkallah hair....u r words made me cry..think of my friends,still they are doing these bad deeds..i will make them read this post
    inshah allah

  13. its so touchful,i hope,i among the other lost ones,would find our ways back sooner.inshaALLAH.

  14. Thankyou so much for the beautiful post. may Allah bless you sisterZ. in need of motivating myself towards His path of Jannah. InshaAllah, this post will many others.

  15. Masha'ALLAH may Allah show us the straight path, may my children neva come near this great evil

  16. Asalamu aleikum
    barakaAllah fiik..d sirat part moved me to tears,i dont know if i will manage to pass but i have high hopes dat Allah will grant ummati muhammad ease to pass through all d tribulations on dis doom day only if we repent and mend our ways.
    Allah is ma hope:) Alhamdulillah

  17. I don't know what I should do.my husband has committed adultery, he has now moved out,whats the right thing to do? we do not have children but i do from a previous marriage

    • abby, my suggestion is to let him go and ask for a divorce. But it's really up to you whether you want to forgive him or not, or whether you think you can ever trust him again. And you have given no indication whether he even wants to reconcile. If you need detailed advice, then please log in and write your question as a separate post, and give us more details.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. may ALLAH guide us to the straight path, i am the only muslim in my whole family and its a very big challenge to me but with ALLAH'S help i can manage,

    may ALLAH bless the makers of this site cause ilm is the best.

  19. i always ask forgiveness but always repeat the same mistake plase help with duaa

    • Hope this is helpful to those of you in this situation: (Sorry for its randomness)

      > Exercise strong will.

      > GET RID of EVERYTHING that will even make you think about such relationships/acts (People, Movies, Music, Phone contacts [those non-mahram you don't need to know], Social media etc...)

      > I have been seriously practicing lowering my gaze since this year began, and Trust me it starts off extremely difficult (especially when driving), however, once you get the hang of it... you feel great!

      > Oh, and ALWAYS think of Allah (SWT) & Paradise & Our beloved Nabi (SAW), it helps!!!

      > Live for the Aakhirah and not the dunya, very soon, you will realize that nothing in this worldly life matters but Islam and Allah (SWT).

      >Be patient and put ALL (and I mean ALL) your trust in Allah [Though you should also do your part in working towards your goals].

      > Read your 5 times salah FULLY! Including sunnats, nafl; and trust me things will start falling into place much faster.

      > Good will happen, bad will happen. You just have to be very PATIENT because that will keep you going.

      > And NEVER forget the wrong you have committed, because once your life is in order you need something to keep pride away - constantly repent.

      Don't rush for repentance if you haven't got these things in order otherwise you will fall right back in!! Actually, start NOW!!

  20. mashallah...dis is such a beautiiful post. i couldn't stop crying while reading it. I have been in a relationship with a guy for the last two years....

    (Remainder of question has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

    • assalamo alaikum...i am the same person who posted d above as 'muslimah' but i decided that if i have to register to put up d question separately, it could be with this slightly altered name and another id. I tried to register. i gave the name and id and also filled in that mathematical calculation correctly and clicked register. but nothing is happening, i haven't got d password in my mail either. Will I get the password immediately or should i wait? pls help me. I desperately need to post my question separately and get halp.

  21. assalamo alaikum...i am the same person who posted d above as 'muslimah' but i decided that if i have to register to put up d question separately, it could be with this slightly altered name and another id. I tried to register. i gave the name and id and also filled in that mathematical calculation correctly and clicked register. but nothing is happening, i haven't got d password in my mail either. Will I get the password immediately or should i wait? pls help me. I desperately need to post my question separately and get help.

  22. pls pls allow me to post my question here. i tried registering but in vain. i am not getting any password in my mail. pls, may i?

  23. Someone pls respond to me. i am unable to register, hence forced to post it here. Pls don't delete, pls. I have no peace of mind now. I have been in a relationship with a guy for the last two years. We are both practising Muslims and though we never committed actual zina and tried hard not to lapse, we hv done certain sins. We would repent immediately after committing them and vow not to do them again, bt we kept erring. we really love each other very much and the only reason why we are not telling our parents right now and requesting them to get us married is that we are still students and his financial condition is not good-he has 2 get a job before marrying me. After reading this, i have resolved to make tauba and not to even touch him or talk anything intimate with him anymore. Bcz after reading dis post, i am convinced that if, Allah forbid, he or I happen to die bbefore we can get married, I don't want Allah to be displeased with us. I really don't want us to do anything haram wanymore, but I still want to marry him after he gets settled inshallh...maybe after 3 or 4 years. right now we are both in two different, faraway cities and only talk via phone/sms/mail. Can I continue like this without evr meeting him in person and without talking anything indecent with him, until we can get married inshallah?

    • Salaam,

      I would advise you to tell your parents and get married to each other. otherwise you have to stop all contacts with ur boyfriend. Its not allowed in islam, its haraam, sinful. It leads to zina which you already stated you have done. sister do tauba/repent to Allah to forgive you and strive to be a better muslimah. Concentrate on your studies and learn more about islam.

      You cannot talk to him over the phone. Stop all contacts because its a sin.

  24. wa alaikum assalam... thank u for ur reply sister... but if I only talk to him appropriately(so that i can at least be updated abt his life nd he abt mine... we r so far away) and never meet him before marriage, is it still not allowed to keep contact with him? If i only love him in my heart but don't express it to him anymore by words or actions...if i only wait for him in a halal way, is it ok? i have done tawba nd we wil never touch each other again or talk inappropriately wid each oder...

    • Sin is sin, no matter how hard you try to justify your actions.

      Okay lets assume you continue doing what you plan to do, that is, talking to that boy in appropriate way. Even by talkin to him only, the love can grow in your heart. You are doing this act because you are certain that you will marry him. But lets assume a situation, that is, what if he fall in love with another girl ( keeping in mind he is far away ) or may be, a situation arises that you can never marry him, or vice versa etc. Imagine what would happen to you if this situation happens. You will be heart broken, you will be depressed, you will feel your world is tearing apart etc. Which in most cases, one would think of ending their life. If not, how would you marry another man if your heart is in love with this man etc. He may be a husband of another woman in the future, we never know. Only Allah knows what is in store for us in the future. The problems can increase, I only gave small details of what might happen if you continue your illegal relationship with him. Same applies to him. Dont take life for granted. Pre-marital relationship is forbidden. Period.

      You've already fallen into shaytan's traps once twice and so on but Alhamdulilah that you've repented. Take heed and dont do it again. Shaytan is whispering in your heart, trying to justify your actions. Beware that he is our eternal enemy and a cheif deceiver. His aim is to corrupt human, who can easily get corrupted in this vastly corrupted generation. Simple talking CAN go on to next level somehow. True story.

      If you are interested then do it the halal way. If you can't then sever your ties with him right away and you should wait till the time is right and get married. Till then No communication of idle talk is allowed in Islam.

      "...The zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the ears is listening... " ( sahih Muslim )

  25. MashaALLAH beautiful...

  26. MashaAllah may Allah s.w.t. Reward you more:-)

  27. This was beautiful and so true, many of us fall short, but Allah(swt) is a forgiving and merciful God. Thank you very much. Jazak'allah khryn .

  28. All the roads ends in pain and despair but the the path to Allah swt. I am thankful to the creator for guiding me and letting me repent, before he takes me away. one thing i learned if we break the law of the creator the sin itself will punish us and the effects of the sin wont go away soon. The safe road to life(here and hereafter) is the Sunnah of his beloved Prophet Muhammad saw, best example to the mankind.

    Well i wished those never happened ,Thanks to Allah swt for guiding.
    Allah hafiz

  29. Salam Alaikom.. may Allah reward you for these efforts.. salam from Allah and from me and i'll link this to my article on my blog,

    Jazakum Allah Khiraa

  30. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.. I happen to be in love with a coursemate of mine at school during the end of semester break... However, I realised that continueing that relationship islamicaly is forbidden, so I decided to quit the relationship.. At this moment, we're not together.. But my heart is at rest.. I'm depressed, and sometimes have sleepless nights.. On her own side, she keeps on telling me that she still loves me, but I've already made my decision.. Furthermore, new session will commence in a week time.. Pls how can I rehabilitate myself so that I can avoid her without feeling any heartbreak or depression.. Jazakumullahu khair

    • Abubakar, there is no cure except time. You have to go through the depression until it passes, Insha'Allah. Stay busy with activities that you love, spend time with your friends, go to the masjid... eventually you'll get over it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  31. Salam Brothers and sisters,

    I am 25 yrs old, i having sexual desire very often, so it leads me to see porn movies, i want to stop bt i couldn't control, everytime after watching tat movies i felt very bad and i used to take oath hereafter i won repeat, bt no way, again am comiting same sin, the thing is it will take another 2 years for me to get married,

    Brother help me out in this regard, i want to come out, i am fearing Allah curse may fall on me

    Kindly help me Allah may reward u in both

    Salam,
    Ur Brother

  32. Dear brother Wael

    I read all, if u or anyone in this community explain in more detail it wud be nice for me, also if anyone here had same hardship which i have, and if they explain hw they did overcome it also wud help me

    Help me to overcome this

    Salam
    Irfan arafath

  33. Thank u so much for the article, two weeks back I was thinking about my life I did so much bad things and I see so many people doing bad things around me I realize it was time for me to change so I am trying my best and I am trying to inform others around me but no one wants to listen I am trying to become a good Muslim and have strong faith in Allah, I am really happy to find this site and see many people like me its not to late to change, my heart is broken because of a pervious relationship but I kept it hide me and trying to move on but the thing is I am wondering if I will I ever find a good guy who doesn't do bad things

  34. before when i used to live in another country i had almost no knowledge bout islam except that allah is one and we pray and we make duas . so i engaged in a relationship and i thought it was ok since i was very committed every my partner was very comitted . we even decided to get married becuase after 4 years we felt we knew we couldnt leave eahctoher. so we did engage in fornication and i had no idea that was completely a huge sin or not allowed . and when i came to know i repented . but what i want to know is that what are the consequences if i didnt know that is was a sin and if i repented truly by heart

  35. Dear brothers and sisters Iam the worst of the worst ,10 years ago I did something that I deeply regret I had just recently married and at this time my grandmother passed away. A uncle gave me a phone number to call relatives and I managed to get a number of my cousin who I knew very well was married but I really admired her since childhood ,the pressure just came out and I just rang her and t's her Iam a cousin who has not saw you for many years but I just wanted to tell you I really like you. She told me to go away and I did but I just relapsed back and eventually met her.when I met her everything changed I fell in love and see said that she was unhappy with her husband .i started to see her every evening in her back garden and spoke but she said she was going to leave her husband due to bad relations.even she had 2 children. I begged her not to and she ended up divorcing him. Then I started having a sexual relation ship for 4 years I loved her a lot but at same time had a wife a a child . I agreed to marry her but she insisted to divorce my wife and I said I couldn't . I was willing to have 2 wife's but soon realised that she was the wrong woman I slowly pulled away and she found someone else and got married to him . I returned back to my wife and son. As a result I am suffering from serious depression and am ashamed what I did . I have made a bad name formyself in my entire family and wish that Allah accepts my repentance .during last few months Iam having constant dreams of her and I miss her so much I feel like trying to contact her but it makes me go all crazy and depressed please brothers and sisters please pray for me .somehow I have fount her on face book and I swore myself never to contact her.

    • A, you must absolutely not contact your cousin again. Your obsession with her has already caused terrible pain and problems. See a therapist or counselor who can help you find a way to get over her. And make sincere tawbah for your mistakes.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  36. Thankyou for ur kind advice, however iam feeling a strong pull ,dreams after dreams so vivid and seeing her around the next day or so is really dragging me down.i keep reminding myself how a ashamed and unforgiven crime i have done and how disgraceful i have made myself in the entire family i keep away from famalies.in my mind i feel i must apologise to her , if i was at fault and then the pain will go away. I have no intentions of wrong but just to say sorry. I know it sounds really pathetic but i suspect her of witchcraft because during the last time i spoke she said ,u will go fat,u will have daughters and u will go mad , and walk the streets and i will laugh..in reality all has become true i have suffered from depression for 2 years and am about to loose my home and business. Thankyou 4 reading and plz make dua 4 me

  37. This is probably the most beautiful post i have ever read on my computer screen. Tell u what i was searching pornographic material and suddenly i came across this page. Really i am very thankful to to you guys. I am 17 year old boy and i haven't committed any haram act with a girl yet Alhamdolillah. This site has opened my eyes. I wanna ask a question also. I am in love with a girl who is also 17 year old. I really love her. My mom also knows about her and the girl has also agreed to marry with me after her education gets completed in 6 years. I want to have a telephonic contact with her. Is this haram or halal? If it is halal kindly tell me precautions of the telephonic contact. Really thank you.

    • Farhan, it's better to avoid it. Talking on the telephone so often will lead to intimate or romantic discussions, which could lead to haram. Instead, try to move up the date of the wedding. 6 years is a long time to wait.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  38. thank you

  39. First of all thanks for a kind reply. As i have mentioned earlier i am in love with that girl. Really i swear i had never thought of doing something not permitted in islam. Moreover i have no source to have a face to face contact with her. Being honest really i am dying to hear her voice. I consulted a scholar and he did not encourage me also. Kindly tell me what should i do.

    • Walaykumsalaam Farhan,

      The best thing is to arrange a meeting with her mahram present and see if you are both compatible for marriage. If so, then work with the families to get married. If there are obstacles, then practice patience.

      That sounds simple right? Theres some homework to be done though. You say you are 'inlove'. But 'inlove' with what? Her looks? Her character? What? How do you know her? What do you know about her? Or is it just an infatuation?

      Ask yourself these questions. Marriage is a life time responsiblity and committment. Make sure your brain/heart is making the decision, not your hormones.

      Otherwise, alhumdulillah you have not committed sin and are wishing to pursue marriage. May Allah guide you and open doors for you. Consult your family, or learned people, perform istikhara, make a choice and thereafter whether a marriage materialises or not will be for your best as you will have consulted Allah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  40. Hmmmmm.. Understood..... Actually we both are in the middle of our studies. As you already said that marriage is a lifetime responsibility,,, so a man who is in halfway of his education and has no source of income can not do marriage. I asked the same questions from myself which you stated above. I am a very good looking guy and i have seen many girls beautiful than her but i have developed no feelings at all. So i am not involved in her looks. Secondly i do not know about her character but no one has ever heard something about her. Alhamdolillah she is a clean girl. She studied with me for two years. I even talked to my mother regarding this issue. She advised me to become capable of supporting a family first. In short words, till now i had been walking on right path. Now she is 150km away from me and i have no chance of seeing her so that's why i am so much tense. Please guys help me. Thanks for all the kind replies.

    • Its probably a good thing that she is 150km away from you.

      What youre describing are hormonal feelings and the only thing you can do for this is exercise sabr and keep yourself busy with deen, family, good halal company, studies etc. This is a test from Allah.

      If you know you are not yet capable of supporting a wife, then focus on your studies etc. When you are able to support a wife, then raise the question of marriage. And when you do, speak to the sister you are considering for marriage. It is not wise to base your decision to marry someone on the pumping of your heart.

      What do you want from marriage? Make a list. When you consider any potential, ask her what she wants in a marriage. If you are compatible, thats a good. You may find after talking to her, that you are not compatible.

      So use your intellect. And work on your sabr till you can get married.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com

  41. Thanks for a kind reply. Sister is there no way that this telephonic contact can be made without any harm. Please think out a way. I am ready to take all sorts of precautions. If you can kindly give me precautions list i will strictly follow them. I am talking all this because i am afraid that one haram act in eyes of islamic law can ruin my life.

    • Brother, if you know you cannot practically get married yet, what is the point of contacting this sister?

      What do you want to achieve from speaking to her?

      The only way you should be contacting her is through her mahram. And to be honest, if I was her guardian and I knew you could not yet support her in marriage, I would not want you to contact her. So by wanting to contact her, what will you be offering her?

      Or do you just want to hear her voice? Because that is wrong. And doing so will only fuel your feelings.

      Bro, I think you need to take a cool shower and exercise some sabr here. If you want to consider marrying her in the future, put your head down and study. When you are capable of marrying her, contact her mahram/guardian. You stand a better chance of making a good impression with her and her family this way.

      But something tells me...you dont want to listen.

      Read the whole of this article...

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I did zina.. I'm a femal unmarried..I did zina at the age of 12..i was not BALIG..im very sorry to Allah for that .now I'm 18..Balig...kindly tell me how to become clean (pak) again..how to stop mani(semen)
        Plz plz reply ..I beg u ..plZ
        M very upset

        • Assalaam O Alaikum sister Faiza,
          You were a minor when this happened, are you sure you weren't forced/coerced into zina? Hope you are not in any haram relationship as they are forbidden in Islam. If it indeed was something you agreed to then it's never too late to repent; Allah (swt) is all forgiving. If you repent sincerely and never to go near this major sin again than, Allah (swt) will wipe your slate clean iA. At the same time, keep praying to Allah (swt) to keep you on the right path as a lot of young brothers and sisters stray at your age as their hormones are all over the place and the society that we live in today is promoting a lot of immoral stuff.

          Regarding the issue of semen, I am not sure what you mean but you should see the doctor as soon as possible and don't ignore it. I reiterate again that please go and see a doctor (preferably a female one) asap so she can carry out the necessary tests to figure out what the problem is and then start the treatment.

          May Allah (swt) keep us all brothers and sisters on the straight path. Amin

          Muhammad1982,
          Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

          • Thank you so much for your response..
            But the problem is I don't want anyone to about this..especially my parents..how can I go to the doctor myself ..what will I tell her?
            What if she asks for my parents consent? I'm scared

  42. Assalamualykum.....
    I am touched and bursted out in tears so inspiring and beautiful words.MAY Allah swt reward u ...
    I actually wanted to write my experience...i am married and still in love with another guy from last 3 months to whome i know from the school time...v chated n tokked on phn too nd my hubby caught this and warned me and gave me a chance...i feel guilt everytime i tokk bcoz i knw its haraam after i read this article i finally decided to quit and simply messaged him that u r not more imp than Allah swt nauzubillah..to make u and myself happy i cant displeasur my allmighty..i can leave u...Alhumdulillah my heart changed i prayed several times and cried bcoz i wanted to be away from all dis stuff...the InshaAllahs u used in your lines really worked and guided me Alhumdulillah..
    but he is saying he will die without me ,and requesting to just tokk not any other demand but i refused as i knw it will lead to wrong directions...he loves me so much i know and saying he will commit suicide m just worried about his death i no more have feelings for him but he is ruining evrything for me i am hurt will Allah punish me for his death,and if the records will be checked by police i will be behind bars because he says its because of u i am dying...cant get out of it plss suggest and kindly dnt delete it because its only one doubt i want to clear...jazakumullah

  43. jazakallah

    you make my eyes shed !!! may allah (s.w.t) forgive and guide us (ameen)

  44. Subahanallah! this is sooo beneficial. Jazak Allah khairan for that. It's amazing how Allah (SWT) is so oft-forgiving & merciful to his abd. Zina doesn't seem to be that of a grave sin, until it is committed- with a disastrous end. This is only because Muslims living in the Western world are being taught to accept it as 'normal...' and I'ts sad to think that many of us have fallen into that trap. Zina lurks around every corner now adays...it's nearly impossible to walk out & not bump into a haram couple. May Allah (SWT), give us strength to control our whims & desires. Satan (the cursed), beautifies zina for us- by beautifying the person whom we think is attractive..therefor stars, flowers & love hearts begin to appear. We should all remember that: 'never is man alone with a woman, Satan is always the third member.' Also, we should be able to make out that Satan makes anything haram seem beautiful. It's pretty logical to know, that there can't be any relationship with a non-mahram. You can only be friendly according to how Muslims should be. We are only fools to consider non-mahram girls & boys as friends whom we hang out with & have close contact with, we are brainwashed by society to have clean intentions. But we'd be stupid enough to not realize, that once in while girls & boys do get a butterfly feeling towards each other, which happens naturally- even if they are just so called 'friends.' Allah (SWT) told men & woman to lower they're gazes...meaning sweet talk is obviously worse than just looking at the opposite gender. Astaghfirulah! to imagine the amount of sins we Muslim sisters get by a man just sniffing our perfume, finding our voice attractive, or by looking at our thighs or hips- even though we may be covered from head to toe- really makes me extra careful in what ever action I do in public.

  45. I really teared, this explained me...

  46. Dear all, I have a friend who married to a girl who committed multiple zina for one year with non muslim boy. My friend was unaware of that. Now when he learnt this he is in a big shock. Should he divorce her ? What repention the girl must do for the Mercy of Allah. She was in love with that non muslim boy who ditched her for another girl. She was involved in regular viginal sex, annal sex, blow job with mouth and all other type of oral sex.

    • May Allah swt forgive her Ameen, she should repent regret and reform Inn shaa Allah Allah swt is oft-Forgiving and Merciful. Make dua for them and he should do Istikarah prayer asking for Allah swt guidance and help. Also seek advice from someone knowledgeable and trustworthy like a local imam or Sheikh Inn Shaa Allah. Sorry if i wasnt great help may Allah help them both Ameen.

  47. Masha'Allah ... May Allah swt save us from the Hell fire and guide us to Jannah Ameen ... May we please Allah and not give in to our desires and inner nafs Ameen ... JazakaAllah Hu khairun.

  48. jazakallah Allah Bless You

  49. i have committed zina,i repent for dis .vl i ever get maryfor dis

    • Allah will forgive any sin but shirk and if you repent in heart and ask forgiveness insha allah be hopeful you are forgiven . And first step to Toba is nevr to let it push u to that limit again . Keep the matter between urself and allah . Offer salat ut tauba . Ask Fr forgiveness and have trust in Allah his forgiveness knows no limits . May Allah help u

  50. Hmm! Man Sha Allah! May Allah increase your Iman and Ikhmah. Your piece is really an eye opener. Jazakum.

  51. Jazak Allah for suxh a beautiful post...MAY Allah increase our imans..nd forgv our sins....

  52. Masha allah very enlightening 🙂 may Allah give us strength to always find a way back to good before its late . Ameen

  53. salam alaikum. .. wat a nice piece of advice and enlightnent.... a ravaging issue among d youths of nowadays.
    A FOOD 4 TOUGHT

  54. Jazakallah...it really gives you a new hope..may allah forgive us for all our sins:....ameen....

  55. Every time you fall prey to your lust you deny Allah and get entangled in cobweb of Satan.observe fast and prey fervently.Allah will never fail you

  56. Salaam brothers n sisters..

    • Kiara, please register and submit your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah. Although I can give you a quick answer now: in my opinion your boyfriend cannot be trusted, is no prize, is not marriage material, and does not intend to marry you anyway, or he would have done so already. I think you know all of this.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  57. May Allah swt make us realize our reality before its late.. Ur message was heart touching just had to say subhan Allah!

  58. assalam o alikum ,
    I am a muslim girl ... but now i think i dont deserve to call Muslim 🙁
    i live in kSA i have done uncountable UMRAH Alhamdulilah .. but for study issues em in pakistan I love a boy and he loves me more .. but after reading your blogs i said to him that we will not talk to each other any more one thing more we have met many times now i have fear of ALLAH i love him and i want to marry him but after completing my studies i told him we will never meet again and we will not talk to each ither not on call and messages,, besied this i also want to marry him with Razamandi of ALLAH and my parents i dont want to angry ALLAH ,,, Please tell me what to do
    P,s I pray to ALLAH if he is not my destiney then take away his love from my heart and his too
    Please help me 🙁

    • Waleikumassalam sis.(anonymous)
      As i am a boy and i have gone through same situation i would suggest to have complete trust on almighty Allah. See everything almighty do has a great wisdom behind it and maybe you never know what is best for you.
      My grl frnd also said same things to me and i was vry angry but gradually my relation from my side was turning to be lustfull so i calmed myself down and thanked my grl friend and almighty for it. So we can never know what is best for us in future until we paas our time.
      Now alhamdulillah we both are happy and my ex grl friend is going to marry and i am happy about her.
      So ease yourself down and devote your time in Allah's prayer.
      Assalmualaikum

  59. Assalam u Alikum I am 17 years old and as i am getting adult and my sexual desires are overwhelming me and i satisfy my urge by looking porn videos and used to get excessive masturbation although i have a partner but i dont want to commit sin with her what should i do to get rid from these desires?

  60. "The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers"

    So why is it people on here advice people who have had pre martial sexual relations to hide it from there future spouse. Wouldn't that mean that a fornicator may end up married to a non fornicator.

  61. assalam u alaikum.

    i am 27 and engaged and i tried a lot to stop masturbation. recently i stopped it for one month and finally did it.
    i think getting married is the only solution to this problem. but i cant get married until i get a job and there are also some family problems. i cant get married without the decision of my parents.

    Kindly give me some advice and wazifa for getting married soon to get rid of masturbation. because i cannot wait so long.

  62. This post made me burst into tears...thanks for giving us such an overwhelming advice 🙂

  63. Assallamu allaikum I'm here for a piece of advice...

  64. meri help karen plz.

  65. ASSALAM O ALIKUM
    i am a muslim girl and unluckily i fell in love with a mslim boy too .. i know its Haram relationship but i dont know how to end up all this he loves me so much i cant leave him in midway he is very sincere to me :/
    we want to get marry but after reading your posts em so depress to continue this relationship 🙁

  66. if a boy and girl lie naked on bed and they masturbate each other with hands is it zina ?( Without inserting penis into vagina)

    • Miss Azeez, whether it is termed zinaa or not it is haram and a serious sin, and will almost certainly lead to more and worse sins if they keep it up.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  67. My age is 17 and i am maturbation from 10 I. . I have no control over my desires
    Due to this I am face problems in maintaining my relationships with female I am extremely shy and
    Never even tried to talk to a girl even my class fellows
    Du to this I don't pray regularly beoz. I am no pure
    I have many sexual thoughts . In Al day so I can't even concentrate on my A level. Studies
    Help advice me what should be my diet and how to stop ⛔.

  68. I cant find my rply

  69. Thank u wael....and i already registerd bt m not able to oost my question separately..... And i want to know more.. Luke it is haram to still making dua for him to wanting him back in my like as a halal relation and want to make muslim too... And marry him

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