Islamic marriage advice and family advice

The Sin of Adultery and Fornication – Part 3

The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 1Part 2 / Part 3

Tame your wild horse before it tramples all over you!

 

nafs

Tame your Nafs to save your Soul, just as the horse-rider must tame it's wild horse to save himself

 Your lust is a bad desire of your nafs. So imagine your nafs to be a wild horse that needs to be tamed. It will be extremely painful as those who have ever tried to tame a wild horse will know. If they were to give up due to the pain, the horse would overpower them, throw them off and most probably trample them to death. But if the horseman is perseverant despite the pain, he will eventually calm the horse and end up being in control.

Its the same with your nafs. Trying to tame it will be extremely painful, because you will have to force yourself to resist the desires of your soul that you are so used to giving in to. But giving in to your lusts will darken and kill your soul. So its time to tame your nafs. Everytime you have an urge to go back to sinning, force yourself to stop. Remind yourself that Allah is watching you. InshaAllah, it will eventually become easier until a time when your nafs will no longer desire to fulfil its lust in a haraam manner. It will rather, desire purity and eemaan. So come on, 'no pain, no gain'!

Or, think of this:

Imagine the pain you will feel at initially supressing your desire. Its bad huh? Well if you don't stop the sin, the pain you will feel when you are punished in Hell will be absolutely incomparable to any pain you feel now. It'll be worse that the worst pain you can imagine. So the pain of taming yourself in this life will be well worth it!

There is a way back through Sincere Tawbah

 

Do not despair, for Allah the Most Exalted and Glorified said in the Quran in Surah 39, Verse 53 "Say: Oh my servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, for Allah forgives all sins; for He is oft-Forgiving, most Merciful."

On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say:  "Allah the Almighty has said: "O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its."

There are four conditions to true repentance:

1- Stop the sin.

2- Regret deeply and truly for the sin you committed.

3- Return to Allah for forgiveness.

4- Have a strong intention never to return to that same sin again.

*5- If your sin involved wronging someone else, then you must seek their forgiveness and try to undo the wrong done to them.

Click on the following links for information on how to seek repentance:

http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/

http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/its-not-over-til-the-trumpets-blown-tawbah-and-repentance/

http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/poem-turning-back-to-allah/

Conceal your sins, its an obligation!  

In addition to making sincere tawbah, you must also conceal yourselves with the concealment of Allaah, and not tell anyone about the sin you have committed. The Prophet (saw) said: "Avoid these filthy things that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted." Narrated by al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663.

There are blessings in following Allah’s way

(http://www.happymuslimfamily.com)

The union between a man and a woman is a special gift which has been given by Allaah (SWT) . It is one of the bounties of this life and, as such, it should be treated accordingly. It is a relationship that should be based upon love, compassion, and concern for the other. It is an act of charity for which Allaah (SWT) will reward both partners. The Prophet (sws) said: “In having intercourse (with your wife) there is an act of charity (for which you shall be rewarded).” The companions (ra) said, “O Messenger of Allaah, one of us fulfills his desires and he will be rewarded for that?” He (sws) said: “Do you not see that if he fulfills it in a forbidden way that he will have its burden (it being a sin). In the same way if he fulfills it in a permissible way, he shall have a reward.” [Muslim]

SubhaanAllah! There is no fruit more sweeter and more satisfying than that called ‘patience’. So remember Allah's Promise to you, when He(swt) says in Surah Fatir, Verses 5-6: "O Mankind indeed the promise of Allah is the truth so let not worldly life delude you and be not deceived about Allah by the deceiver (Satan). Indeed Satan is an enemy to you so take him as an enemy. He only invites his party to be among the companions of the blaze".

Lets hold tight to the rope of Allah together, its the only way of finding pure satisifaction and eternal Jannah!!!

***

Click on the following links to read Parts 1 and 2:

The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

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51 Responses »

  1. Subhan Allah!! This was an amazing post.
    JazakAllah Khair!

  2. SubhanAllah..This has reminded me to come back to the path of truth and righteousness! 🙂 May Allah help us all achieve Jannah! Ameen! JazakAllah hu Khairan for the Post Brother/Sister!

  3. That was not only eye awakening but soul awakening.

  4. Jazaka Llah kheir

  5. Salam 3laykum,
    I need some help, I want to become a better muslim, I have done sins, but inside of me I know I have done the wrong thing and I want to repent. I have started praying and listening to quran and i cry each time i listen to it, i cry when i pray also, i cry but i dnt know all the meanings to the words, but its just a reaction each time. I just want someone to help me be a better person, a better muslim.

    Thank You,

    Salam, Rania

    • Dear Rania, Walaykumsalaam,

      I will help you learn the meaning of what you recite in Salaah, but you must log in and submit your question as a separate post first. In the meantime, also read our articles on 'Tawbah'.

      Insha'Allah your post will help many others in similar situations.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. salaamm
    i have done these sins .. and now i feel really sorry .. i ask Allah for forgiveness again and again and i just think over it again and again ..
    tell me how to do the real tawbah .....

    • The first step to tawbah is 'sincerity'. You feel sincerely guilty for your sin, you sincerely intend never to return to the sin, you sincerely ask Allah to forgive you and you sincerely change your ways and strive to become a good Muslim.

      Please read this article on 'Tawbah'.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. As Salamu Alaikum,
    I have been hurt so bad with my cheating husband. He keeps blaming his affairs on me. I wish my husband could stop his marital affairs before it is too late. May Allah keep us in the right path. Please, keep me in your payers. I am desperate, I do not know what to do.

    • Warda, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll try to advise you Insha'Allah (though I already know what I would say - leave him. No one deserves to be betrayed and cheated on in this way).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I am having difficulties to register. I did submit my user name and email, but I did not get a password. Any help.
        Thanks.

        • Warda, try it again. I searched the database but did not find any registered user with your name or email address.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. I still can't register. I used the link below.

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/wp-login.php?action=register

    Thanks,

    Warda

  9. Salam alaykum,

    Thank you for this wonderful website and great posts.
    I have a problem. I committed zina while married. I regret it and pray that God will forgive me and that my husband will too. My main problem is not about the sin or the forgiveness. I am willing and understanding towards the sin and the punishment. I was wrong and I need to face the consequences. My main problem though, is the love I felt for that guy. I have stopped all contact with him. But I cannot forget the love I felt for him. I do not long for him sexually. But it is as if my soul screams for him. I wish it would stop because I want to give my husband what he deserves and I do not want to pretend my love for my husband. But I feel that my heart is blocked and my soul feels betrayed when I give in to my own husband. Consequently, I either give in against my will but as a duty or I don't give in but then feel extremely guilty. Is love for someone else also zina? And what to do?

    • Sister Luna,
      Please log-in and write your question as a separate post and iA we will try to answer. Remember no sin is bigger than Allah's mercy; what is important is that we repent sincerely and make sure to not to go back to that sin again. Also, if you don't feel any love toward your husband then what's the point to be in such a relationship when we have to do things out of routine but not for our love and affection toward our spouse.

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  10. I have comitted zina....n i am so guilty for it now..(remainder of the comment deleted by the Editor)

  11. hi,

    i have trouble signing up myself - can you please help me?

  12. asalamualakum, thank u for this superb post, this is an eye opener, everything explained so nicely n in a very intresting way,i hope u wil upload post like how to improve emaan specialy to those youngesters who live away from their families in metro cities, who study in co eduction n have friends with live_in relationship.how one can refrain from major sins when he or she lives in a place surrounded by non belivers n so called modern youth.thank u

  13. Assalam o Alaikum my brothers n sisters
    Me and a boy are in a relationship .... We r not married yet ...his parents don't want to accept me because they want someone from their own family ... Bt the boy loves me n I love him crazy .. I'm going crazy after him ... I'm also expecting a child .. This child is of me and my boy .. I live in Australia .. Soo it's very helpful .. BUT I don't want ppl telling me I have done a major sin and criticising me ... I need help that's why I'm here ...! I need some powerful dua to repent and ask Allah for help and ask Allah to make his family accept me ... I'm very depressed and sad always crying my mum is very worried abt me ... Bt the boy respects his family alot n won't come marry me n live with me without permission from his parents sooo what should I do ? Which dua would help me through this hard time and help his parents accept me .. N also I want to repent to Allah for committing adultery bt I can't not kill my own baby ... I don't want to be a murderer 🙁 help plzzz which dua or wazifa is good and powerful ?

    • Sidra, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll try to get to it soon Insha'Allah. Do not abort your child.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I couldn't sign up it's not working 🙁 bt my situation is horrible I have to abort the child 🙁

        • Sidra, please think very carefully before deciding to abort your child. Have you spoken with your family about being pregnant - I'm sure that they will be supportive. Regardless of what happens with the boy you want to marry, you have a responsibility to the life inside you. While your parents may be upset that you have been in an extra-marital relationship, they will be more concerned about you and your baby, and how best to support the two of you.

          If you feel that you cannot raise a child, your family may be able to, or you could consider adoption. There are options other than abortion.

          • Yes my mum knows... And even she agrees to get the baby aborted I mean the baby is still young ... Life hasn't been given to it yet ... Soo we are thinking it's the best option we have and I'm only 15 I don't want to raise my child without his dad 🙁

      • i need help ti log in to ask solution for my problem can u help???

  14. Salaams,

    "Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious." Noble Qur'ân 16:125

    I read all 3 Parts of this feature just now. An excellent piece of writing Masha' Allah.

    May Allah reward you for your efforts. Insha' Allah people take heed and avoid sin.

  15. THIS IS WRITTEN EXTREMELY CLEAR AND TOUCHES STRAIGHT TO HEART. I THINK IT SHOULD BE TAUGHT TO TEENAGERS BEFORE ENTERING THEIR UNIVERSITY LIFE OR COLLEGE IF ITS COEDUCATION.SO IT IS DEVELOPED WITH THEIR PERSONALITY OVER TIME.

  16. great post... i loved it....

  17. Subahanallah! this is sooo beneficial. Jazak Allah khairan for that. It's amazing how Allah (SWT) is so oft-forgiving & merciful to his abd. Zina doesn't seem to be that of a grave sin, until it is committed- with a disastrous end. This is only because Muslims living in the Western world are being taught to accept it as 'normal...' and I'ts sad to think that many of us have fallen into that trap. Zina lurks around every corner now adays...it's nearly impossible to walk out & not bump into a haram couple. May Allah (SWT), give us strength to control our whims & desires. Satan (the cursed), beautifies zina for us- by beautifying the person whom we think is attractive..therefor stars, flowers & love hearts begin to appear. We should all remember that: 'never is man alone with a woman, Satan is always the third member.' Also, we should be able to make out that Satan makes anything haram seem beautiful. It's pretty logical to know, that there can't be any relationship with a non-mahram. You can only be friendly according to how Muslims should be. We are only fools to consider non-mahram girls & boys as friends whom we hang out with & have close contact with, we are brainwashed by society to have clean intentions. But we'd be stupid enough to not realize, that once in while girls & boys do get a butterfly feeling towards each other, which happens naturally- even if they are just so called 'friends.' Allah (SWT) told men & woman to lower they're gazes...meaning sweet talk is obviously worse than just looking at the opposite gender. Astaghfirulah! to imagine the amount of sins we Muslim sisters get by a man just sniffing our perfume, finding our voice attractive, or by looking at our thighs or hips- even though we may be covered from head to toe- really makes me extra careful in what ever action I do in public.

  18. Subhanallah

  19. Salaam,
    Please also write for those spouses who refrain from zina, however ended up marrying someone with the inappropriate past. Since people with past not only ruin their lives but also ruin the lives of their straight spouses and challenge them to accept them whether they want to accept this shocking reality or not.

    Jazak Allah Khair
    Akbar

    • Hi Akbar,
      I am in a situation pretty close to yours -wife's lies about her past to get the man she wanted.I am at my early stage of my marriage and not sure if I can stick to it as I have seen you raising the issue few times after some years.Is it hard to get over it? I don't want to place myself in a situation I can't handle. Your view/experience, please?
      Wa Salaam

      • Not here. You can submit your question as a separate post, and we will publish it in turn, Insha'Allah.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I sent it separately, but it's pending at your end!

          • Assalaamualaikam

            There is a queue for publication. Once a post is submitted, it needs to be prepped for publication. At the moment, the waiting time between submission and publication is around 3 weeks.

            In the meantime, you're very welcome to contribute to the site by advising others, and you can read other people's posts, as some of the advice there may be relevant to your situation as well.

            Midnightmoon
            IslamicAnswers.com editor

  20. JazakAllah this is a beautiful article and I think it should be given to all the students in colleges and universities to read and understand. Its really inspiring. It will surely save many teenagers like me from committing such a grave sin.

    • True. We need such articles to help us be on the path of morality and ethics in a world where youngsters could be easily distracted due to peer pressure and lack of moral values.

  21. I am a home wrecker who cheated on my husband with a married man. I have lied to so many people who trusted me. Can your Allah help me find peace and conceal my shame?

    • Peace be upon you Sister.

      Your question is wrong.

      It should read:
      Can Allah, our Creator, help me find peace and conceal my shame?

      The answer is yes.

      If you repent to Allah swt sincerely, make sincere intention to never repeat your errors and remain steadfast on your ways. The pain that you have caused and as a result incurred upon your own soul may never go away. However, the pain that you feel can serve as a reminder to you. If a child touches a hot stove by accident, they learn to not repeat that again because of that "painful reminder." Pain is not just suffering, it is also a tool.

      May you find the peace and the way to make things right, Ameen.

  22. I am in relation with a guy since the past two years. We are very happy together and have decided on getting married. but recently I have been feeling that I am not worthy of him cause of some of the mistakes I did as a teenager. Though I had not committed zina or anything still I am burdened by the past thoughts due to which I haven't been able to study and have been disturbed off late. I spoke about this to my partner but he says he loves me for what I am and some teenage mistakes shouldn't affect my peace of mind. I have done tawbah but I still feel ashamed and since I love him too much I feel like I am not worth him.

  23. It is remarkable!!!!!!!

  24. JazakAllah khair for this beneficial post

  25. MashaALLAH, Thanks Brother

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