Married revert – where do my loyalties lie, with my non Muslim husband or Allah?
I feel a beautiful peace and serenity has covered my soul by accepting Islam
I am a new revert to Islam, having only taken my Shahadat a week ago. For the past few years I have had a strong interest in Islam and finally took this big step to proclaim myself in the Islamic faith. I am married and have an 11 year old daughter, but have been seperated from my husband (although still living under the same roof) for more than a year. Although he was a good man and provided well for my daughter and I, my husband, being Japanese, did not have the same yearning for religion that I had and it would be very difficult for him to accept me as a muslim wife. I must also mention that it was I who initiated the seperation from my husband, under not nice circumstances, long before I knew I would be Muslim. Having taken my shahadat, I have been filled with a beautiful sense of peace and contentment after an extremely long period of turmoil and distress in my life.
However, I had a Muslim friend say to me today, that my reversion was worthless as I had not yet finalised the details of my impending divorce and that Allah would not forgive my sins while my husband had not forgiven me. He urged me to return to my husband and beg for forgiveness, taking again my role as wife even if it meant that I would be forced to give up Islam.
For me, my desire now is to leave a simple and pious life. I will not have the financial security I was previously accustomed to but this seems a small price to pay for living in the light of Allah. When I think of the husband I desire, it is a man that I can pray behind, that knows his faith but also how to live in the real world, that is proud of his religion and will take that with him in everything he does in life... I desire a man who will teach me and support me in my new faith. Still, nobody can deny that I am guilty of great sin in leaving my husband.
To be absolutely honest, I was the unfaithful party. Islamically and morally, should I honour the commitment to my husband, seek forgiveness through serving him and try to mend the pain I have inflicted on him, or should I move onto a new phase in my life and pray that his heart repaired and his anger dissipates. Please advise....
~Sakina123
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i personally think you should stay with your husband. islams rule on muslim woman marrying muslim men is not only preferred and can not be looked as a sin but you were not muslim at the time. now you are a muslim it is best you be with a muslim man.
i say be with him because you have a commitment to keep. shaitan / evil loves divorces. dont give them the pleasure. and he also has a commitment to keep. he infact should love you and respect you no matter of your changes or choices.
besides perhaps he will become muslim for the same reasons you reverted. make duah. keep strong. be his light and example. if does not work out it will be on allahs terms and not yours.
First, there is one thing you need to know..., in islam, a muslim woman is not allowed to marry a nonmuslim man, following the commandment Allah have in koran60:10 ... "O YOU WHO BELIEVE! WHEN BELIEVING WOMEN COME TO YOU AS EMIGRANT (ie as revert to islam), EXAMINE THEM; ALLAH KNOWS BEST AS TO THIER FAITH, THEN IF YOU ASCERTAIN THAT THEY ARE TRUE BELIEVERS, SEND THEM NOT BACK TO THE DISBELIEVERS. THEY ARE NOT LAWFUL (wives) FOR THE DISBELIEVERS NOR ARE THE DISBELIEVERS LAWFUL (husband) FOR THEM. BUT GIVE THEM (the disbelievers) THAT (amount of money) WHICH THEY HAVE SPENT ON THEM(ie the bridal money given to the wife, by the husband) . AND THERE WILL BE NO SIN ON YOU TO MARRY THEN IF YOU HAVE PAID THIER BRIDAL MONEY TO THEM...." SO SISTER, THE VERY DAY YOU REVERTED, YOUR MARRIAGE WITH FOR HUSBAND IS AUTOMATICALLY ANNULED 'if he is a non muslim', so what happen next is that you would enter into your iddah (ie waiting period) which would last for 3 months.. Within this 3 months you may stay with him under the same roof but there will be no intimacy between you.. Whilst you are in your iddah, inform him about your conversion to islam and try to convince him to accept the religion,... Now, if he accept the religion and revert to islam, then your marriage is still intact and you dont need to make another marriage ceremony... But if he refuse to revert and your iddah is over, then you are to pack your belongings and you daughter and leave him immediately. because islamically, he is no longer legal husband to you .... Inshaallah Allah with a good and comforting pious muslim husband that would happilly shear the sweetness of this world, and shear the joys and sweetness of paradise with you in the hereafter
Perfect advice, not much more one can advise. best of luck sister, inshaAllah you convince your husband to accept islam.
Sorry for my last sentence, i wanted to say Allah would provide you with a good and comforting pious muslim man that would shear the life of this world and the life of sweetness and enjoyment in paradise in the afterlife.
masha'allah.
i learned something. i stand corrected. shukran mohd
Salaams sister. May Allah give you the strenght and guidance to make the right decission.The advice given by Mohammed is appropiate and accordind to the teachings of islam.As a note of encouragement ,you are not the only mulim lady in this situation.Many reverts stood strong and made decissions that would please Allah. In return they are living happy and fruitful lives. Allah never abandons those who strive for his pleasure.You might experience some difficulty innitially but this will help you find your inner strength and who you really are and your true identity.
Inshallah you will emerge a stronger and more confident women and mother you ever were.
May Allah make things easy for you and bless you will imman, happiness and joy
Salaams
However, I had a Muslim friend say to me today, that my reversion was worthless as I had not yet finalised the details of my impending divorce and that Allah would not forgive my sins while my husband had not forgiven me. He urged me to return to my husband and beg for forgiveness, taking again my role as wife even if it meant that I would be forced to give up Islam.
Asalaam alaykum,
I'm not sure I would call this person a "friend." Their understanding of Islam falls short in many respects, as Islamically you are following the practice of separation of the beds, which is recommended when there are grave differences in the marriage. Also, you reversion is never 'worthless." May Allah (swt) fogive that comment, because Allah (swt) chose you to revert/convert and by taking your shahada you believe. Your circumstances are not perfect, but think of the people that become Muslim while in prison. Surely their situations could be better, but they are Muslim. God knows what's in your heart and this friend should be careful in attributing unknown knowledge to them self that only resides with Allah (swt).
To turn apostate now under this advice or for any reason would be the greatest sin. This is the basis for me saying that your 'friend" may not be such a thing. Trying to take you away from Allah (swt) is not the mark of a true believer.
With a truly sincere and remorseful heart, ask your husband to forgive you for what you have done. Tell him that accepting Islam has given you a new life and ask him to follow you if he feels that he can become a Muslim, too. Use your iddah period as a time to help him learn Islam and see if you can find someone in your masjid to help him with that. Insha'allah, he will be guided to the true path. If he is and you can guys can work it out, then try to stay married once he becomes Muslim.
All you can do is ask for forgiveness and work in Allah's (swt) way as a means of atonement. It is difficult how your friend can think a non-Muslim could keep a Muslim from Heaven anyway. We are judged by our deeds and your sin was in the past in your pre-Muslim life. Give charity as a means of atonement and live a good life that is honorable to the Lord who saved you. That is the way to paradise, Alhamdulillah.
Do what you can under Isalmic guidelines and do not violate the sanctity of being a Muslim woman by engaging in any physical relationship with your husband unless he becomes Muslim and you guys are committed to being married.
Insha'allah, your new life, no matter what happens, awaits you.
asalamu alaikum
I just want to add; the advice of the friend of sakina123, and, the advice of the friend Malik are two dangerous, uneducated advices that could have left this poor woman as a major sinner, possibly leading to disbelief, of a desbeliever (advice of her friend), both advices leading to Hell Fire.
Ask a sheikh next time sister. If you are strong enough to leave your husband, than do it. Refer to the pleasure of Allah when Ibrahim was willing to sacrifice his beloved son for Allah. Allah ta'ala honoured Ibrahim (pbuh) forever for that!
And these people who give fatwa from there own understanding without Quran and Hadith are giving advice from Shaitan the occursed. such ignorant stupidity. learn your religion
I hope this sister did not take their advice and may Allah guide her forever.
May Allah reward Mohd
Wasalam
No one has the right to say your reversion is worthless. How would any person know this? It is Allah swt who can see in our hearts - no one else. When a person reverts to Islam - all their previous sins are forgiven. They are fresh and new - like a newborn baby. So as Prof X advised please don't let your 'friend' or your past mistakes take you away from Islam.
"However, I had a Muslim friend say to me today, that my reversion was worthless as I had not yet finalised the details of my impending divorce and that Allah would not forgive my sins while my husband had not forgiven me. He urged me to return to my husband and beg for forgiveness, taking again my role as wife even if it meant that I would be forced to give up Islam."
Do not give up your Islam at any cost. Your Creator has more rights over you than any of the creation.
I advise you to move on from your husband. Live your life according to Islam and of course dont marry anyone unless you complete your iddah first. As Bro Mohd said it is possible to stay married to him only if he becomes Muslim within the iddah and if you both wish - but from what you have said in your post, it seems you don't want to and he is unlikely to accept Islam.
So move on - by all means invite him to Islam and refer him onto brothers who can help him if he is willing to look into it - not to keep him as a husband but for his own sake. But you will not be accountable if he does not accept.
So yes do move onto a new phase in your life and pray for him that his heart repaired and his anger dissipates.
Sara
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