Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Relation in Turmoil

Man saying dua

Dear All

I am here to discuss what i think may be a menial issue in face of what many brothers and sisters are facing...

i am 22 years old with a Bachelors in business administration however i am unable to think or act as if i am stuck by my own burdens. Childhood was normal as i came from disfunctional family, never able to make friends till university however was a top class student with CGPA of 4.0.

I have a friend of mine (happens to be girl) among many boy and girls acquainted with me. I talked to her and little by little feelings begin to take hold. I tried to stop it since i wasn't aware what may happen but i asked her tht if she is comfortable can i send my parents for her hand? she replied Yes! she has no issue and only if parent accept than we can continue otherwise casual friends as we already are. Talked to parents and convinced them and they accepted. however i made a mistake for not supporting her at time of need since i had no idea what so ever that such a problems can occur and she felt abandoned. she asked her friend to do Istekhaara and that came out wrong.

so in the light of that, she texted me that it cannot happen as a istekhaara came out this way.. i asked her that did she performed it by herself..NO !! from some person. Although I know that "it should be done by yourself" but as majority she is only aware that it is some kind of sign or dream. and even now i am still unable to convince her to perform. Not able to think clealry and here i am asking for any helpful advice. For we both respect each other and simple misunderstanding and some third person we are facing such issue. i want to do things in line of halal but unable to do so. what should be done??

Please assist



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3 Responses »

  1. As you know istikarah is done by an individual. You don't base it on a dream, its not future telling as no one knows the outcome. Believe me when I say this, maybe its best you let her go. Do you really want to be with someone with that kind of mindset? If she really wanted to be with you, she would have tried to do the istikarah plus wouldn't just give up. This says a lot about a person. Plenty of decent women around so be patient. In due time you will get over it. You say, you want to do it in the line of halaal, so having girls as friends is haram. Doing things haram in no way will it work.


    • I agree. This seems like a woman who is looking for reasons to have misunderstandings or to break off the relationship. I don't think she really wants to marry you.

      Wael Editor

  2. But earlier she agreed completely and was willing... is it okay if i just give more time to it

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