IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Salam,

I have a big problem and am very stressed--please help me out. I recently decided to end everything with a non-muslim guy. He is extremely selfish and mean and I got treated very badly, so I deeply regretted everything and hate him, but he won't let me go and is saying he won't forget me and loves me a lot and always will.

So I had to figure out a way to leave without things being all bad...I ended up telling him that I have a huge family emergency where my sister is very sick so I'm moving to be with her. At the moment, he agreed. He did beg me, saying we have hope and we can figure it out, but I said the decision was final and we didn't talk for week and half. Then he texted me wishing me "Happy Birthday" and now keeps on messaging like nothing happened and is trying hard to force me back and saying good things are coming for us.

The worst part, which kills me the most, is that he has pictures/videos of us together--not inappropriate, but I'm still freaking out about it. For example, he posted a video of us on his private Tiktok that has four followers, and put up a private birthday story for me. I haven't opened any messages yet nor reacted or looked at the story. I just don't know what to do. I thought I ended this and worked so hard to try to find a way for this to end because I hate myself for it.

Once in the beginning, I asked "If I were to wear hijab, will you delete my pictures?" He refused, saying they're for his memories. So I cried a lot about this...I even tried to delete them from him but it wasn't possible. So I left everything to Allah so He can help me.

I'm trying very hard to be a better muslim. I pray tahajjud and the rakat for forgiveness, I'm begging for my sins to be concealed as no one else knows about them...I haven't told anyone. My whole life will be ruined and my personality is already destroyed. He is very terrible. I just don't know what to do now. Should I tell him that I made it clear that we are done, so be "no contact" with me? What about the video he put up? Should I say "I wear hijab now so can you take that off?" He said he has them for his memory only, so why post? Should I just not say anything and maybe block him for a few weeks?

He is a narcissist and I'm very scared he wants me because I have always been so nice and supportive. But now I feel disgusting and am trapped in this forever mess that's gonna give me guilt, regret, and fear forever and I'm very confused. Will Allah expose me even after I tried my best to erase sin and try my best to do sincere repentence? Please help me out with the best solution...please. please please help...I'm dying!