Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He has changed to align with Islam but my father doesn’t trust him

in love

Assalamu Aleykum!

I've gotten to know a man over the last seven months. Both my family and his have known about us from the very beginning. We have refrained from meeting alone as it's not permissible without a mahrem. I've met him with my dad several times. We have had contact over the phone. Now we feel like we are ready to get married.

Dad has met him without me and suspected that as he is Turkish (he is sunni and hanafi just like us) and that his beliefs can differ from ours, which came out to be true regarding the subject wasila. I don't know what it's called in English but it basically means that you go to a graveyard and pray for your prayers to be answered through the dead. For example, a dead sheikh or someone that was very religious. My dad told him that this is shirk. The man said that it's nothing he does himself but as he knows it, it shouldn't be considered as shirk.

They met a few more times after that first meeting. For every time they have met, the guy has improved and tried to search for knowledge. Now he is on the same page as us but the problem is that now my dad does not trust him. Dad thinks that the guy just wants to convince him to make him say yes. The guy has really tried to seek knowledge to see where dad is coming from. I trust him but dad does not.

Dad wants some sort of guarantee that he is speaking the truth but I don't know how to give that to him. I feel lost and hopeless. Can we make him swear on the Quran or is there something else we could do? I don't want to make him swear on the Quran so it's like the worst-case scenario. I would really appreciate every piece of advice or suggestion.

I've thought of leaving him but I really love him. He is willing to change but how can he prove it to my dad?

Thank you!

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2 Responses »

  1. Asalam alaikum sister, Alhamdulillah I'm glad that your dad is a good mehram to you and is not just giving his precious daughter to someone who isn't upon the correct Aqidah. Please listen to your dad in this case, you are very blessed to have him in your life and have him looking out for u. If he does not trust him then I think u should move on. Your dad has a lot more experience and can probably read him better. Please also pray istiqhara is you haven't already InshaAllah. May Allah strengthen your relationship with your dad and make it easy for you to find a righteous spouse upon the sunnah and correct aqiqdah. Ameen.

    • Asalamualaykum Mea,

      Please pardon me for intruding upon this person's post; I work for this website but am in desperate need of some advice myself on a similar situation, but am being unable to submit a question. Your advice seems sound and gives me some comfort so I thought it can't hurt to ask! So I trust my father in some areas, but in deen, he is extremely weak. He is not a kaafir as he believes in Allah and Islam, but he does not practice at all anymore. Still, he hired a Quranic teacher for me at a very young age so I know he feels an affinity with Islam. Do you think I can trust his judgement about a brother who is interested in me? Is he even still my Wali if he doesn't practice? Is it better to remain single than to marry without his approval? I am so lost. Jazakallah Khairan.


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