Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her body was paralyzed so my parents refuse our marriage

Hope versus Hopelessness

Assalam o alikum,

My name is Shaikh. I am from India/Maharashtra. I want your advice and need your help in regards to my problems and situations of marriage.

First, my background. I am male , age 26, a graduate in engineering, and I've handled my father's business for 9 years. My parents are happy with me and I always listen to them. I did umrah at the end of 2019. I love Allah so much, and Allah's prophet nabi e karim [salalahu alyhi wa sallam].

The Connection:

In March 2020, my parents visited my relative's house for my marriage proposal for their brother's daughter. Their father passed in 2015 and with the mercy of Allah, my marriage got fixed with the girl, and the date of marriage was fixed to the first quarter of 2021 as per the girl's mother's wish to let her complete her daughter's final year of studying.

Everything was going fine but after few days, my villain relatives started plotting rumors, lies, and misguiding and misleading both the houses and it somewhere made a spark of grudges in the hearts of both families' members. Still, everything was going fine, but my villain relatives continued to plot.


The Spark:

Everything was fine in both the houses until December 2020 when I finally met the girl at a gathering. We exchanged numbers and started talking as we were getting married in just few months. By the way, nobody knows that we talked to each other.

At the end of December 2020, sparks became fire and caught both the houses due to a land dispute and my villain relatives got a golden opportunity to create big problems in both houses as both the houses lost their interest in between them, this badly affected them, and we lost happiness. That affected my coming marriage. Things started falling and it was looking like my relations with the girl would break.

All the way up to January 2021, every happiness was lost....no one was happy in either house.  However, my engagement date got fixed to Feb. 20, 2021 and my marriage date to Mar 21, 2021. As my marriage date was nearing, Covid was also growing in our city and rumors of lock down started. Partial lockdown happened, with no permission for big functions, but other people were doing functions and somehow bypassing the government system. As these rumors of lockdown arose, the girl's family members demanded to postpone our marriage to after Ramadan.

I was not ready for postponing my marriage and I convinced my family members not to postpone, but the girl's family members were not listening because in their hearts, they just wanted to break off this marriage due to the misunderstanding created by villain relatives in whose hearts was so much drama and tension. I convinced my parents just to do my nikah with the girl and postpone the function, but even to this the girl's family members didn’t agree and after many discussions and tensions, my marriage got postponed and date got fixed to the start of May 2021.

As I said earlier, the girl and I started talking to each other and we knew what was happening in both the houses...who is playing the games, who is plotting the misunderstanding, what they are plotting, and what the reality is. But we kept quiet because we were waiting and praying to Allah just to get married somehow and figured that later, we will solve the misunderstanding between our houses. Me and that girl just want to get married...we don’t want anything, nothing...we just want to get married as soon as possible.


The Disaster

On March 20, 2021, both families met and discussed postponing my marriage to May 2020. But something big was waiting for us. On March 29, 2021, "holy festival night," the perfectly healthy girl suddenly and without any reason lost all her body movements-- Her body became a statue. She was just breathing, moving her eyes, and speaking...that’s all. The family took her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with GBS gullian barre syndrome. Not even in a dream had we heard of this illness before. 

She was under treatment, I got to know about her condition, I was in pain, I went to the hospital to meet her. I was saddened, shocked, everything a person could imagine because I didn't want to leave her at any cost no matter what. I just love her. Doctors said they would treat her for 7 days and then give a prognosis. After 3 days, my parents were informed of this. They visited in the day and at night called me and ordered me not to visit her. That we are breaking off the upcoming marriage, will find another girl for me to marry, and that I have to obey! My world came crashing down in that moment.


The Struggle

When I met the girl in the hospital, I was shocked and saddened, facing the slap of this world's reality that anything can happen at any moment. There is no such thing as "perfect." Perfect is only ALLAH and people always avoid hardships by giving excuses. When I met her, this was only the second time I talked to her face to face in real life. She was crying and very sad because of her condition...I loved her so much and was not leaving my love for any circumstances of this world. Whatever hardship comes I will face because my love for her is true by the grace of Allah. I promised her that she would get better and that we would get married as soon as she recovers.

But unfortunately, this was just the beginning of our sad story. I continue to visit her regularly because whenever she looks at me, her pain vanishes. She wishes to live and get back to normal... she's in sooo much pain, like she is burning in fire every second. No sleep, nothing, no movement, not able to lift a finger. I keep visiting her regularly for a half hour even despite my parents scolding me about it a lot. I kept on visiting her in the hospital for 8 months. In those 8 months, I can't tell you how much difficulty I had to face. Every second was a big challenge for me. My parents were looking for other girls for marriage, but I was refusing. It was a very, very, very difficult time for me. I am a brave and intelligent man. I can't hurt my parents at any cost but for my love, well, I have to visit her to protect our love.

The Hospital

My girl was treated with every possible medicine for that condition but even after two months, nothing improved. She was just like a stone. After eight months, she was good above her waist but her finger was not 100% perfect. Her legs were moving but she couldn't walk or stand by herself. by the ninth month, she could walk with the help of supports but she didn’t have balance on her own.

Finally, in November, she was discharged when her upper body was 90% ok and her lower body was 40% ok. Now, in July 2022, she is 100% ok in upper body and 85% ok in lower body, she completed her degree, and is doing her internship in college. She needs very little support in just a few areas.


My Parents and I

By the grace of Allah, my marriage didn’t get fixed to any other house, I am still single, and I want to marry the girl I love. But my parents are refusing and it has become almost impossible for me to handle them. I don’t know until when I will be waiting. I just love her  and she loves me and I want to get married. I don’t want worldly fashions--I just want to get married with her and live my life, as Allah will give us until we are satisfied. She is living a normal life now and my parents are still refusing. Oh Allah help me. I am only here because of you! I just want to get married, that’s all. I don’t want money or anything. Allah designed this life to be trial and a test. No one can predict the future. There is nothing like absolute happiness on this earth. Life is nothing, and I want to live this nothing with my love, whatever will be my condition and whatever hardships I will face, Allah will help me through by his grace.


I TRIED TO KEEP IT SHORT AND EASY. IT IS A VERY LONG STORY AND I DIDN’T MENTION ANY DETAILS ABOUT THE HARDSHIPS WE FACED, WHAT VILLANS WERE PLOTTING, OR WHAT CONDITIONS WE WERE IN. I DON’T WANT TO HURT MY PARENTS. I LOVE THEM DEARLY. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I AM HURTING THEM, IN FACT. I HAVE BEEN A GOOD SON UNTIL NOW, BUT THIS INCIDENT CHANGED EVERTHING.

PLEASE BY THE NAME OF ALLAH AND MY BELOVED NABI E KARAM [SALAL LA HU ALAIHI WASALAM] I AM SEEKING SUPPORT TO CONVICED MY PARENTS AND GET MARRIED.


Your Brother in Islam


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9 Responses »

  1. Why no one reply to my question

    • Asalamualaykum Brother Sohel,

      Sorry that nobody has answered your post yet. Traffic on this website has been slower than in the past, possibly due to websites like Quora that offer a similar service. But we really appreciate your trust in this platform. I will reread and answer your post shortly with my take on your situation, Inshallah.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  2. Asalamualaykum Brother Sohel,

    I hope that you are well and comfortable now. First off, you say that this is the first time you are hurting your parents. In truth, you are not hurting them, as you are in need of venting your frustrations and seeking advice/counsel. I am assuming you have already prayed to Allah and your intentions are only to seek Allah's guidance in smoothing over relations in your family and marrying the girl you love. And Allah is well aware of those intentions.

    You haven't mentioned much about your love interest's side of the family other than that they are "plotting" and rumor mongering. Her father passed. Does she have any brothers? Who is her Wali? While it is imperative that the girl has a Wali or an Imam to approve this marriage, if your parents refuse this union, you are still Islamically allowed to marry the girl. You need to stand up for yourself and realize that just because you love your parents and "always" have listened to them, it doesn't mean that you have to people please in such a great matter of life. I would strongly recommend that while you try to win them over with reason and love, you ultimately stand for what you want for yourself. It takes great courage to change one's course in the face of expectations and present oneself as "different" to others who have a certain image of you, but others' expectations are not your job to fulfill (as an adult), as long as you are following Allah's guidance.

    It is commendable that you are so devoted and committed to this girl you love despite all the challenges you two have faced. I encourage you to not give up and be patient. Take the reins and do what you can to advance this marriage, while praying and making ample dua to Allah to ease your situation. You are indeed talking fact when you reference that "Allah will provide and you will be satisfied."

    So please brother, have faith, self-confidence, love for all parties, but strong boundaries that keep you safe from their plotting and demands while protecting your own interests as well.

    Best,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • VALIKUM ASSALAM brother...
      ALHUMDULLIAH for everything
      1) regarding my girls family only her mother,brother know about our love and dedication and ALHUMDULLIAH we manage to keep this hidden from her other family members.
      2)yes she have two brother and both support us.
      3) as you mention that girls side are plotting I think I didn't explain it clearly.." I mention other relatives are plotting problems not girls side family "due to no communication between my family and girls side family this villan relative are getting easy opportunities to plot what ever they think of.
      4) Thanks for understanding my intentions and love, I just can't leave whom I love for this unachievable comfort of this world.
      5) already it's been 1.5 years unsuccessful attempt of convincing my parents and my current condition is good and I left every fear from my mind and am ready to do whatever I need to get my marriage done. Because just for my parents ego and this worldy problems I can't left whom I love I am a Muslim and Muslim has to stand with truth no matter what, I am praying ALLAH for my parents that they get convinced I just don't want to hurt them but if they didn't,i have to make a bold decision and get married.
      I think it is good to get married and face tensions for few months rather then keeping quiet not standing with truth and get involved in more problems .

      BEFORE THIS PROBLEMS I WAS NOT WHAT I AM NOW ALHAMDULILLAH THAT ALLAH HAS PLACED ME IN THIS TEST AND TRAILS AND I LEARN MANY THINGS ABOUT LIFE AND HOW TO FACE IT AND I WILL DEFINITELY WORK FOR MUSLIMS AND NON MUSLIMS THATS MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE.

      AND A MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE, DONT Betray YOUR LOVE AND RUN LEAVING THEM IN PROBLEMS YOU JUST CANT AVOID PROBLEMS NO MATTER WHATS DECISION YOU TAKE NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO NO MATTER YOU CHANGED
      AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TEST AND TRAILS ARE PART OF THIS LIFE CYCLE. YOUR ARE A MUSLIM BE STRONG.

      NEVER BE SAD ALLAH IS THE MOST HIGH AND MERCIFUL
      AND YOU HAVE A BROTHER (ME) WHO PRAYS FOR YOU FEEL WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND IS READY TO HELP YOU.
      please remember me in your prayers and sorry by mistake I said anything wrong.

      • Asalamualaykum Brother Sohel,

        Mashallah brother I love your resolve and am following your pure logic. May Allah keep you safe from relatives with bad intentions, help you marry the girl you love, and bless you in your marriage.

        Keep in mind that it is good to announce the marriage...a requirement actually, but you should do so wisely. Let the relatives who are supportive of your marriage make it known to the others, rather than your telling them or being in their presence.

        You are a rare gem for sticking with your values and your faith despite all odds.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  3. I admire you brother. That’s real true love you have for her. You have fought and prayed hard for her recovery. That’s a miracle that she is all better. I truly believe that other relatives might have done evil eye, black magic on her. For her to be suddenly disabled, every parts of her body.

    The ugly evil relatives will talk nonstop no matter if your situation is good or bad. Your parents have ego and worries what the society will say. Your girl is all healed. Show them the doctor papersh. They are afraid to hear rumors, oh how could you let your son marry a sick girl she may not be able to give kids.

    I don’t know what to suggest but to make lots of dua to Allah what you should do. Like the amount of dua you made for the girl. You don’t have to make your parents happy because you are not doing anything wrong. At this point you don’t need permission from your parents to get married. They will emotionally blackmail you and say, I will kick you out, you are dead ro me, I will kill myself, Allah will punish you because you don’t listen to your parents = YES, this is how south Asian parents and adult child.

    • Thanks for understanding me.after her illness my friend took me to an aamil and he said after checking that seher has been done on both of you he have seen similar cases in his past 30 years of
      his experience in which both person in couple some how died but in my case my girls got effected and i was not.he said me to make shukr of ALLAH that I have been save and girl is also in a condition of recoverY This was his words..
      And my parents did every possible good and bad tricks to break me and make me marry someone else and I am financially stable many people are ready to give there daughters hand but some how ALLAH subhana wa tala saved me.and as of now I pray that I will get marry as soon as possible please pray for me please please please...

      • May your prayers be accepted. Ameen. As for your parents try to remain respectful but doesn’t mean you have to listen to their un-Islamic reasonings. Whatever you do, your parents may go to a magician to break the two of you. That’s what my aunt tried to do with her daughter and the magician said it’s impossible that their love is too deep and destined to be together. Going to fortune tellers and magicians are haram. Beyond bad. InshaAllah, when you do get married, don’t throw a grand 2-3 day wedding. Do a simple nikkah. The more you go big and SHOW, you will catch some evil eye from relatives. Do a small destination wedding, or at a nice masjid, no need to invite relatives who are jealous and evil.

        • Thanks for your words...
          I just want to get married that's it as soon as possible small function no function I am ok I just want my marriage, I am respectful to my parents and i always will respect them they give me everything and I don't go anywhere I only pray and make dua as much as possible.. please remember me in your prayers

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