Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise

jealousy, envy, jealous of couple, insecure, woman


Listen, please I beg you to help me with this problem of mine. I feel so depressed and grieved and heartbroken and I want to commit suicide. Why? Because of Hoor al Ayn.

I do not want my husband to have Hoor al Ayn in heaven under any circumstances. Please quote one verse in Islam that says men can reject Hoor al Ayn. Why do men have to get more wives anyway? Why? If their first wife is so beautiful then why do they need hoors? And please, don't answer with any of the following because I will start screaming with myself:

1. Don't say there will be no jealousy. This isn't a matter of jealousy, I just want to be with my husband forever and that's it.

2. Do not say get to heaven first. I know that already but it's not even an answer.

3. Men cannot reject hoors because hoors are so pretty! Then why, when the wife is so much more beautiful than hoor, does hoor even exist? God will program our brains to accept a man to have an hoor. Why?!

4. And don't you dare say "you are insecure" because I have had enough of that answer. It's driving me to suicide, I swear. I am not joking.

Why can't I just marry a Non-Muslim man? I mean, the Muslim husband, no matter what, will go away from me to his hoors.

Please give me a good answer. I want to marry a Muslim man but I don't want him to have an hoor. Can he reject them in heaven if he doesn't want them too? Please? I am getting more farther away from life and Alllah because of this matter, please help me get it resolved.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

58 Responses »

  1. Salaam i think you need to learn more about Islam

    • I think your confused. They wont have a Hoor for what your thinking. Rather the Hoors will just be there with them whereever they go?

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister,

    I understand that you fear this, as you are not well-adjusted to the idea of polygamy or polyamory. However, you needn't worry about anything about the afterlife except for getting there, because once you are in Jannah, everything will be as you desire and you will not have any negativity, negative emotions, negative experiences, etc. All will be good and well. I know it may seem like I am glossing over your issue, but I am giving you a blanket statement because it is true and you need to get used to the idea that you cannot even fathom the goodness and comfort that awaits you in Jannah 🙂



  3. Sister, I think you should focus more on what is going on right here on Earth in your life. You are making assumptions that somehow you already have a space in Jannah. Nothing is up to any of us. It is all dependent on what Allah chooses to give each individual. You might also want to mature in your own personal growth. It is unfair and awkward to ask for advice and then tell those you ask how to respond to your request, as "I want to know what you think. But don't tell me the truth. Or something I don't want to hear." To save time, I won't tell you the items 1 through 4 you have listed. And you really do not know what anyone in Paradise will or will not do. And don't assume you know what the status of non-Muslim men is. That also belongs to Allah alone. Beside, Muslim women are not permitted to marry non-Muslims.

  4. As-salaamu alaikum, Sister.

    I can understand your feeling and your jealousy (even if you don't call it jealousy). I've been in your shoes when I was younger and I guess, wasn't secure enough in my belief in Allah's Ultimate Wisdom.

    Sister, have you read the description of Jannah in the Quran and Sunnah (Hadeeth)? You're focusing on one of the thing that your husband will get but somehow you forget what Allaah will bless you if you make it to Jannah together ...

    "bounties as no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no human mind has perceived."

    When you have everything you ever wish for and more, you wouldn't even care what your husband is having and doing, as you won't have even one speck of negative feelings and thoughts in Jannah. Your heart will be washed clean for all your negative characters and finally you will be happy, content, well pleased, always ... forever ...

    Isn't that enough? What more would you want if Allaah will give you whatever you want and you will be pleased with whatever Allaah blesses you?

    I know that the Quran and Sunnah don't give much description about Jannah for women, but Allaah is The Most Just, and we don't know much about what He will give to the women of Jannah. But I'm sure with all certainty that He will give women as much as bounties as He will give the men. No doubt about that whatsoever.

    Also, each man in Jannah will get at least two wives from the women of the Dunya.

    Will you also try to deny that from your husband?

    But you can rest assure that you won't feel jealousy because you can't even see one another and there is no heartache in Jannah ...

    "In Jannah the believer will have a tent made of a single hollowed pearl of which the length will be sixty miles in the sky. The believer will have his wives with him and he will visit them and they will not be able to see one another."
    Al-Bukhari and Muslim

    And imagine this, you won't even realize that your husband is away because there are so many bounties in jannah that you can enjoy and whatever your soul desire, you will get it.

    (If you try to say here : "my soul desire is for my husband to refuse all the hoor and other wives and take only me as his", when you get to Jannah, you won't even wish for it because your heart would be purify before you enter Jannah, all your flaws will be erased, and whatever you wish for there is from your fitrah and won't be against what has been written by Allaah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala)

    Again, what I want to emphasize here, instead of thinking what other people will get, focus on what YOU will get inshaa-Allaah if you make it to Jannah, bi idhnillaah ... Focus on YOUR relationship with Allaah first and foremost, your ibadaah, your own journey to reach Jannah ... then your relationship with the creations (including your husband) will be better, and YOUR place in Jannah will be there.

    Ya Allaah please bless us all with a house in Jannah. Ameen.

  5. Salam Sister,

    You're problem is very easy to solve and Inshallah will be solved by Allah in a way more elegant way than I can come up with. So trust in Allah with this problem, and don't worry about its solution. As for my not so elegant solution, it says here you can ask for anything:


    Sahih International: We [angels] were your allies in worldly life and [are so] in the Hereafter. And you will have therein whatever your souls desire, and you will have therein whatever you request [or wish]

    So since you can ask for anything. Ask for a chastity belt and let your husband frolic among the hur with peace of mind :). Like I said, I think Allah will come up with a better solution for you, but at least I have provided you a worst case scenario where you still win out. I hope this helps you regain your iman. Salam.

    • Sister please remove the phrase " forlick among the hoors " as This is highly disrespectful to use such wording for Hoors . You are earning a grave sin . Please remove those words . May Allah bless you

  6. As other Muslims have answered quite well here, let me get straight to the root of the issue: Multiple WIVES.

    Allah SWT has created human beings with certain inherent natural inclinations. Men have certain inherent natural inclinations and women have theirs. Some of these inclinations overlap while others are different. Among these Natural inclinations, Man has a unique one of wanting multiple wives in this world, which may or may not be fulfilled due to various reasons. But that Natural desire, generally speaking, always remains. Same isn't true for women. They don't, generally speaking, have that natural inclination of having multiple husbands at the same time. As Jannah is a place where one gets what one WANTS OR DESIRES, Allah has promised men reward of Hoor Al Ayn in ACCORDANCE WITH NATURE HE CREATED MEN WITH. And women , since don't have that Natural desire for multiple husbands, they aren't promised such.

    Your fear/anxiety/depression about your husband having multiple WIVES is understandable with regards to worldly life. But your are just, fallaciously, equating entirely different dimensions of existence, paradise and world. Paradise has its own unique nature and dimension of existence. I advise you, humbly, supplicate to Allah to remove your anxiety and grant you peace of mind. You quite deep love for your husband has caused "possessiveness" to take root which might be driving this anxiety about Hoor Al Ayn. Develop a positive attitude towards the issue of Polygyny/polygamy and try to understand the wisdom behind such matter. Understanding such issue perspectively will certainly be helpful to avoid blatant misunderstanding and misreading.

  7. I understand you completely, dear sister. I used to think the same thing. I thought my husband would never want another woman, especially not a huralayn.His cellphone proved the opposite to me. Now, I'm focused only on myself, my kids, my Paradise. I'm still a loyal wife, but I never even want to be together with him in Hearafter. Please read the verse AlFurqan 16, and seek what you want, but do not seek the sons of Adem. They are all the same. On one of them will reject Hur. So,I ask Allah to create in Jannah for me according to my measure 🙂
    And ask Him a full reward for lowering my gaze and guarding my private parts as He promised us. This world is test. Husbend is test. Be clever and never let him to be more than he shud be. He is not your Rabb. See you in Jannah insaAllah.

    • Sister I know here Hoor is: Virgin of Paradise. Nymph
      So even if the men will have Hoor Al’Een, we will not be jealous. Yes, it seems hard at this time, but it is just as hard to imagine eating and drinking without any excretion, although it is surely true. So rest assured…there will be love and peace and no jealousy.
      Besides, think about it….Isn’t the One capable of making you the way you are in this world with all your jealousy and the other ‘womanly’ feelings, capable of making you without jealousy in the Hereafter??!! Of course He is!

      Rejoice, O sister, the believing women will be better than the Hoor Al’Een

      Yes that’s right. Read the quote below, my sister, and rejoice!

      “The situation of the believing woman in Jannah will be better than the situation of the hoor al-‘iyn; she will be higher in status and more beautiful. Several ahaadeeth and reports have been narrated concerning that, but none of them can be proven to be sound. But, if a righteous woman from among the people of this world enters Paradise, then she will do so as a reward for her righteous deeds and as a honor from Allaah to her for her religious commitment and righteousness. As for the hoori who is one of the delights of Paradise, she has only been created in Paradise for the sake of someone else, and has been made the reward for the believing man for his righteous deeds. There is a great difference between one who enters Paradise as a reward for her righteous deeds and the one who was created as a reward for one who did righteous deeds. The former is a queen and a princess, and the latter, no matter how beautiful she is, is undoubtedly lower in status than a queen, and she is subject to the command of her believing master for whom Allaah created her as a reward
      Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said regarding this matter:
      “It seems to me that the women of this world will be better than the hoor al-‘iyn, even in outward appearance, and Allaah knows best.” (Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb).

      Logically speaking……Wouldn’t you rather be beautiful??
      When we look at ourselves and our nature, we realize Allaah’s infinite Wisdom and Justice in the way He has created us. It is in our very nature that most of us women are generally pleased with and devoted to only one man.
      Ask yourself this or any woman out there you know, this question and you would know what I mean. Ask them….
      “What would you rather be……be extremely beautiful with one loving husband or be ordinary looking with several husbands??!!
      We have no right to question to Allaah
      Actually, if you think about it, we have no right to question Allaah in whatever He does, how He does it and when He does it. We should not question Allaah’s wisdom in making us in the nature we are now or in re-creating us in the nature we will have in the future. We know that He is generous and merciful, and we have to trust Him.
      He is All-Wise, All-Knowing. He is the Just and He knows Best.

      AND, for arguments sake, EVEN IF, in His Infinite Wisdom, Allaah chooses to give men Hoor Al’Een and the women absolutely nothing, so be it. Know firmly, in your heart and believe unshakably in your mind, that, this is what was better for you. Know that He will NEVER be unfair to you and He will give you ONLY and ONLY if He pleases. And He will withhold from you, ONLY and ONLY if you deserve it.
      Where is our trust in the Almighty
      The real focus
      Instead of worrying about what Allaah has promised men and competing with them, we should focus on how to serve Him and worship Him better. We should try to improve our relationship with Him so that we may hope for His generous reward and forgiveness, so that out of His Mercy, He may enter us in Jannah.
      Think about it, sister, if we learn all the details of what life in Jannah will be like and what rewards women will get, but fail to worship and serve Him the way He and His Messenger have taught us to…. then our knowledge is pretty useless, isn’t it…?

      If you are among those women who leave this world having won the pleasure of Allaah, then good news to you, my sister. When you enter Jannah you will have delights and pleasures such as no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no mind has ever imagined. You will have all that you wish for in the best of ways. You will be more beautiful than you can ever imagine, with a status higher than you can ever conceive and happier than you have ever been, content with your husband and family. Everything that you will ask for will be granted, and everything that you long for, you will get. You will never find anything to upset or disturb you, or make you jealous for you will be in the care of the Most Generous, Most Merciful.
      What more could you ask for….????
      Also if a man don't want hoor
      What happens if you dont want Hoor in Jannah?
      Where what is truly beneficial and desired will be given to those who are blessed with entry to it. So, if you do not want one of the pure maidens of Jannah, you will not be made to have one. It's based upon what are good desires, not what is enforced.
      The Messenger of God said, "Say to the woman that one will not enter in a state of old age, but God will make all the women of Jannah young virgins. God Most High says, 'Lo! We have created them a (new) creation and made them virgins, lovers, equal in age. '"
      ({Sister I am not sure about this one since someone in quro wrote this}) [ and sister being on jannah is better then going in hell atleast no we aren't gonna get tortured ] (this one is from quro I have nothing to do with it might be right or wrong too)
      Can women in Jannah have male hoors?
      Quran has said it clearly the people will get anything they would wish so if a woman wish to get a male hoor or anything that would be considered ill in this world, but since people of the Jannah will be all pure so they would not think dirty, and thus not wish to utilize some dirty fantasy of the worldly life. So, does this means life would be boring there, no because the people of the world have to look for pleasure, but in Jannah, everything would give pleasure and that too never-ending pleasure? Since all the things excite humans is due to the formation of certain chemicals in our brain, so it’s actually the chemicals rather than things that give us pleasure this is why people takings some drugs feel immense pleasure while in reality, they would just be sitting inside their room doing nothing. So it’s very easy for God to create even more variety of pleasureful chemicals for our brain in Jannah, so even if you are all alone in Jannah sitting in a room foing nothing you would still be in a state of immense pleasure. But if you still thought of anything you will get, because of the verse that says there, they have all kinds of food and everything they want(Surah Yaseen)

  8. My dear sister. The one who you are going to marry is so lucky to get you. I hope he and you treat each other with love and care. I understand sister. ALLAH will help you solve this matter. Please do not commit an act which is displeasing to ALLAH. He created you. May ALLAH help you.

  9. Assalamu Alaikum sister,
    its been quite some time since you posted this question. i find myself in the same problem. i would like to know how you are doing and coping up with the problem with hoors.
    eagerly waiting for you responds,

    • Aslamoalaikum sister, I’m also in a similar position. So stressed, can’t concentrate on anything. Are you feeling any better?

      • Salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ukthie,

        how are you doing?
        About the same problem here. Not so much the Hur but globally the same issue. How are you doing now?

        But we have to trust Allah s.w.t. in His Promise to us. That we can get whatever we want.

        • Sister Can women in Jannah have male hoors?
          Quran has said it clearly the people will get anything they would wish so if a woman wish to get a male hoor or anything that would be considered ill in this world, but since people of the Jannah will be all pure so they would not think dirty, and thus not wish to utilize some dirty fantasy of the worldly life. So, does this means life would be boring there, no because the people of the world have to look for pleasure, but in Jannah, everything would give pleasure and that too never-ending pleasure? Since all the things excite humans is due to the formation of certain chemicals in our brain, so it’s actually the chemicals rather than things that give us pleasure this is why people takings some drugs feel immense pleasure while in reality, they would just be sitting inside their room doing nothing. So it’s very easy for God to create even more variety of pleasureful chemicals for our brain in Jannah, so even if you are all alone in Jannah sitting in a room foing nothing you would still be in a state of immense pleasure. But if you still thought of anything you will get, because of the verse that says there, they have all kinds of food and everything they want(Surah Yaseen)

    • Asalamualaykum,

      What might help you ladies is to remember that you do not own your husband, nor is your husband your Lord. He is a separate human being from you. You never did own him, and you never will. He belongs to Allah and will go back to Him. You are given this worldly life with your husband as a test...test of love for your Lord, jealousy of others, etc. If you pass these tests and bear patience, you will get to Jannah, where you will reside with your husband forever. Who cares if there are Hoor al Ayns there? Because it is Paradise, you will be CONTENT there no matter what...Allah has promised this!

      So please rest easy sisters. What's yours will be yours.


      • It’s easier said than done, I’m quite sure this is all coming from a male. If men were created that way, why are women created this way (possessive)? Besides, it’s not that we’re asking for another man, we just want our man to be ours, why is that so difficult to understand. We give all our life to please the HUSBAND, for what? To see him abandon us for Hoors and others while he is using the strength of 100 men and us to be happy looking at rivers? Seriously!

        • Asalamualaykum Nysha,

          Actually I am a woman. Who says women are jealous and possessive? That's a generalization. I do understand that some woman may want their man to themselves, and they have full right to do that, here or in Jannah. They cannot be coerced into polygamy. If their husband wants another woman besides them, they can choose not to marry that husband if they know this information before marriage, and they have a choice to leave their husband if they are given this information after marriage.

          This dunya is not for what we want, it is for what we need. Allah has promised each human being sustenance on this dunya. Jannah will be a different will be for what we want. And as I said, you will be content there no matter what. Allah doesn't break His promises...that is a human flaw.


    • Salaam sisters.

      From my understanding or how I see it is

      1. Allah is Just and full of wisdom

      This means that if Allah has mentioned something for men then we too will get something as equally as good. I personally think that we get similar but in a male form. Or something so good that it will break man's pride knowing it in this life (they can't deal with that kind of knowledge).
      Allah is the Wise. So there is a wisdom behind Allah mentioning the hoors in the form that He does. We cannot comprehend it in this world if any more detail had been given on this matter. So better to leave it for there.

      2. I don't actually have a number 2. But if you read more about Islam and Allah's attributes you will yourself gain some insight as to how beautiful and perfect He Creates everything.

      Trust in the fact that we will receive something as equally as Great if not better.

      There's a Noumam Ali Khan lecture on this. Or maybe this topic has been touched on in one of his lectutes.

      Also read about the importance of women in Islam. There's a full chapter in the Quran dedicated to women.

      Allah is al wadud. Ofcoruse he has not left us out but there's a big wisdom behind why he's only mentioned it like that on the Quran.

      If it's mentioned for men there must be similar for women.

  10. I am a newly converted Muslim woman, I studied Islam, everything makes sense to me, except this hoors concept. I didn’t find a single response that actually made me content for even one bit, same stuff as on all the sites. Men will have strength of 100 men for intercourse. What is even the need to specify that, test? Wow. How are men tested then? Why can’t a woman have multiple partners then? You call women jealous and possessive but why can’t men share their women, why does that freak them out to have a thought to share their women with another man let alone MEN!!

    • Naesha, I've been Muslim a long time, and I've never heard this "100 times strength for intercourse" thing. Don't know where you got that.

      Who says women cannot have multiple partners in Jannah? The Prophet (sws) said that the lowest person in Jannah would earn whatever his / her heart desires. If that's what she wishes for, why not? On the other hand, if she wishes for a loving, monogamous partner, no doubt she will have that.

      I find all of this discussion a bit silly and presumptive. You are talking about Paradise, not this earth. When you marry someone in this world, the marriage lasts until divorce or death. In Paradise, people can choose to do what makes them happy. Whatever that may be. Period.

      Besides, there is no guarantee that any of us will get into Jannah. Rather than worry about who your husband will be partnered with in another dimension of existence, after a full life and death, worry about whether your good deeds are sufficient to earn Jannah.

      I would be overcome with joy to be forgiven by Allah on Yawm Al-Qiyamah, and to enter Jannah. I have never given a moment's thought to who I will be partnered with there, or what my house will look like, or any other detail of my life there. Jannah is part of Al-Ghaib (the unseen world). We cannot truly understand it until we are there. All we know is that we will be happy.

      Just let me make it, inshaAllah!

      Wael Editor

  11. I know I am late to the game but this is quite sad to see.

    1. Remember; jannah is absolutely incomparable to dunya; whatever concept you have in your mind on what it’s going to be like is incorrect. We have all heard the Hadith; jannah is what no eye has ever seen etc etc (along those lines)

    2. Allah has promised us to be 100% content and happy and full of joy when we, by His mercy, make it to jannah. He has also told us we will get whatever our hearts desire. This is His promise. And Allah never beaks his promises- like He mentions in the Quran.

    3. Men and women are different. Women aren’t as sexually motivated as men are, which is why Allah never states such a reward for women. However, it is a common fact that men are very much motivated by that sort of thing, and are obsessed with women. Which is why, men are by nature, polygynous. And also why Allah gave them sexual motivation.

    4. If you ask a whole bunch of men what they wanted without limits— they will have the same thing in mind.
    For women, since we by nature, are picky and indecisive, we will have various answers that are all over the place. There is some discussion on wether women will get ‘male’ hoors, there is some scholarly dispute on that topic— some scholars say ‘if she wants, she can have it, since jannah fulfills all your desires, and Allah never mentioned a sexual reward for women due to their shy and more modest nature’ and other scholars say they won’t get ‘male’ hoors. But Allah knows best at the of the day; and personally, I think that most women only want to have ‘male’ hoors, bc they hear that men will have hoors- so they feel jealous and left out. When in reality, as a woman, and I’m sure others are like this as well— ‘male hoor’ would be the LAST thing that comes to mind when you ask me what I want in jannah.

    This is why Allah never specified anything specific for us, since we are picky, indecisive, not motivated as strongly by ‘male hoors’, and are more varied and creative with what our deepest wishes and desires are.

    5. All bad feelings will be removed, once you make it to jannah - by His mercy, you will laugh at yourself for worrying so much. And also remember that earthly women are of higher status and beauty than hoor. There are reports about this, none of them are fully authentic, however, it is quite a logical conclusion to come to I would say. And bc there are numerous non authentic reports, it could show that that was the understanding ppl had. We aren’t going to be a ‘reward’ for men like the hoor, there is a difference from working for jannah, than being created in jannah from the get go.

    6. Who cares what your husband will get? Jannah is so much more than who or how many you are married to! This is waswasa from shaytaan trying to discourage you and make you upset. There is a Hadith along the likes of “I am whatever my slave expects of me” — its a Hadith qudsi I believe, and this teaches us to always think GOOD about Allah, so instead of crying about hoor, why don’t you strive for the mercy of Allah? Don’t think bad of Allah, think good of Him! He is as his slaves expect of Him!

    7. Allah will reward us in our own way as well. He, in His infinite wisdom left more for the unseen when it comes to what women will get. And we all know that jannah is indescribable and unimaginable - so imagine what Allah has in store for us! He never specified anything- rather, He left us pondering and allowing our imaginations to run wild (even though jannah is unimaginable) Remember the Hadith about ‘72 hoors’? Yes, 72 is for men who die as MARTYRS— and you know who the first martyr to die for Islam was? A woman - summayyah r.a.
    Will she get 72 hoors? Of course not. But since she died a martyr, she obviously will be rewarded something extra- just like men who die martyrs are rewarded extra hoor. And women can become martyrs in many different ways as we know. But Allah didn’t specify anything. He left more for the unseen. And everything in the unseen in regards to jannah was way too good to describe!

    8. Allah rewards steadfastness and sabr, and if something is difficult to submit to, Allah, if He wills, will reward you for your steadfastness and your submission and acceptance, despite finding it difficult.

    9. Jannah is so vast and there is so much to explore and to do! It’s not like your husband is the only aspect of Jannah. There is a Hadith where the prophet says the wives won’t see each other. So I mean, you don’t even have to see your husband with the hoor in jannah lol. Idk if this also applies to the earthly wives of a man, I would think maybe it only applies for when they are WITH the husband -so that there isn’t any jealousy, bc I think it would be strange if a co wife won’t even get to meet her co wife when they both make it to jannah haha.

    Sister don’t be discouraged over ridiculous things such as this. Don’t pay attention to shaytaan! Moping about hoor and constantly thinking about them is obviously taking a toll on you, ignore these whispers. I hope this clears some doubts

    • hearing all of this, I can’t take it anymore. I dont want to be beautiful I want to only be loved by one person who wont love anyone else. I’d rather be ugly than have to share, I’d rather be inferior to the hoors than have to share. There is no way Allah (SWT) would do this to women. There is no way. Allah said so Himself that we will get whatever we desire, and the Hadith that said people will remember what they desire in this world and will get it. Allah is Just. Allah would never do this. He knows how I am feeling and He knows how I am hurting so badly. I attempted suicide multiple times because of this, since I felt that if there is nothing to strive for in Jannah, and the fact that I am thinking this, i may just be destined to Hell so I should just leave. Am I a curse for being a woman? I wish I was never a woman, i wish I was never born. Why do male scholars think they know women? Why educate women about being a woman without being a woman? How does it make sense? Yes, my lack of understanding of the Hereafter is there, but how are male scholars so confident that they have an understanding and I don’t? Allah says we will get whatever we desire. Men and women. Are men just better creatures? Were they made better, are they more favorable than women? I am losing my mind. I stopped wishing to marry after this. I gave up my dreams of marrying a wonderful man and settling down, my deen is in danger, my life is too. If adultery is haram in Jannah, then at least give me what is Halal, a loving man to myself. Is that too much for a woman? I am not asking for more men, but rather just one handsome loving one to myself that won’t love anyone else. And if I can’t then it’s only fair that I get male hoors as well. I know Allah is most Just, All Knowing, and He would never favor men over women. He would never change women to facilitate to a man’s desire. There is no way. I cannot believe it. Yes I am a woman, i am preferably monogamous, why should I facilitate to a man who is so called “polygamous by nature”? If Men by nature like women, then women by nature want unfiltered loyalty and a man to themselves. Allah is the best. I have to trust Him, but how can I if this is what I am promised?

      • Am i insecure for wanting love? Am i bad person for being jealous of love? Am i not worthy of a perfect love that i have dreamed about for my life? Does Allah not listen to my dreams? Surely He will give women what he promised and that is everything they desire right? Or am i just.. not worthy enough cause i am a woman? i am a flawed creature that was made just for a man’s pleasure

      • Asalamualaykum Sister Zoe,

        I just want to address one of your points, where you say "Why do male scholars think they know women?"

        Male scholars only know about women what they read in the Quran or Hadith. Anything else they "know," they conjecture due to their own life experience with their wives, sisters, mothers. Remember, scholars of Islam are human...they can only go by what Allah has instructed.. You are absolutely allowed, even encouraged, to question them from time to time.

        What you seem to be suffering from is am injury of faith, so to speak, based on not realizing that what Allah has in store for you is the best reward you could ever imagine. It doesn't matter that you won't get "hoors" or anything else....Allah knows EXACTLY what you would want and you will be more than pleased in Jannah. In Jannah, you won't even care if your earthly husband has hoors or not, because you will be in pure bliss.



        • Nor, Thank you for the response.

          On your point:
          Allah has not instructed scholars to just assume a woman’s nature. Allah and women themselves know their own nature. Allah knows that in my heart I just want a man to myself. That is my only wish, and the wish many others choose, as well. Will Allah just not give me what I want after I worked so hard? After I did my duty? Of course He will. That is His promise. Allah said everyone will get what they desire and they will be happy. There are even Hadith to prove that people will remember their earthly lives and wish to do earthly desires there (ex. The Hadith about the farmers in heaven), so what makes people say that we won’t want earthly desires? What makes scholars say women can not have this or that? Are they not belittling Allah’s power and promise by saying some people “cannot” have this or that in Jannah? They don’t know what Heaven is like, they don’t have knowledge of it and nor do I. But I enough knowledge to know what Allah had promised believers, believers include men and women, that they will get what they want.

          However, after hearing all of these male scholars say stuff like this, it pains me. I just feel like I was made for a man. Why should I get false hope of getting everything I want in Heaven when in reality I am nothing but a toy to be used for a man. My emotions won’t matter cause I have to facilitate for a man. It is an injury of faith mainly because of this false hope that is written for women.

          No I do not own whatever husband I will get, assuming I will even want to after hearing all of this cause I gave up on marriage after hearing this. But do I not have my right to a man to myself? If my future husband gets hoors, then I want a man to myself, is that denying my husband’s rights? No, I am not denying his rights, I am just asking for mine.

          Also, how authentic is the idea that women will only get their husband and they won’t get a man to themselves if they want, regardless of the fact that some women, like myself, dream about this? Is there any proof/evidence that women cannot have a man to herself, be it her husband or a new man for her?

          Also, I don’t understand why some say that it is a transgression to not accept what is given to you. If women don’t even have to share in this world, then why the need to share in a place where there is no pain, no hatred, no jealousy, a place where you can have everything you ever wanted and more? Also some men are just not polygamous. They don’t feel that way.

          sorry if it seems like i am angry at you. It’s just, i am in pain, and I dont know how long i can take it before I do something worse to myself (Aaoozobillah)

          • I didn’t extend upon this but some men just don’t have desires for multiple women. They just wish for one woman and that is perfectly allowed. To those men who want multiple women, they will get it, and to those who just want their wives, is it so unacceptable for them to get one woman? Besides, Allah’s original pairing was one man and one woman. Not polygamy. Polygamy is there for those who wish to engage, so why is it so inherently wrong that men who wish for one woman to not get it? And for women who want one man to themselves to not get it? Heaven cannot be THAT black and white for the genders.

            I thought in heaven we were free from our bonds from this world and will only get them if we want them. Are abusive husbands and their wives justified to be together? Is it justified for a woman who dreamed and prayed to Allah so hard that she can get a good man all to herself in heaven, just for her to not get what she prayed for?

            I don’t want to speak badly of Allah, but rather the scholars portraying His divine word because there is no way Allah could do that to His beloved creation. Male scholars only portray Jannah for a man, and regardless of what women say they tell women “Don’t question what you get, don’t ask for a single man cause it won’t happen.. bla bla bla” what do they know? Do they have any more knowledge then the rest of us when clearly the Qur’an says “they will wish for whatever they desire”? Is this ayah so black and white?

            This is why I lost hope in love and life. I want to remain voluntarily celibate for the rest of my life until I can be rest assured that I will get what I want in Jannah (even though it clearly says I would). No matter how much going voluntary celibate hurts my pained and broken heart, i will do it.

            Besides, no man would want me anyway. If it so clearly “man’s nature” to have multiple wives and I am so upset about it, then I would just be better off dead and lonely.

          • Asalamualaykum Zoe,

            I wasn't aware that scholars so invariably believe in this hoor concept and male "superiority" or priority. Maybe if you can give me an example of a scholar and his exact quotes, I can interpret or elaborate further. Like I said, scholars are not Allah. They are human, and they can interpret things incorrectly, misrepresent things, even with good intentions.

            Why don't you listen to a scholar that appeals to your tastes and that you are more comfortable with? Like I said, I don't know which scholar you are referring to, but I myself prefer certain ones over others. There's nothing wrong with "vibing" with certain people more than others. I'm sure that if you searched on YouTube, you could find a scholar that is perhaps more balanced in his views.

            My personal opinion, feeling, and research dictates that we will indeed get whatever we desire in Jannah. Who knows? Maybe there will even be two of you there..."one" you will have husband All to yourself and the "other you" will have sister wives or whatever? My point is that Allah is capable of anything and everything.

            I certainly hope I have been able to put some of your fears to rest Inshallah ☺



  12. hello Nor,
    Thank you again for responding to me. Sorry if I seem a little out of it, once again i am just frustrated. I appreciate that you respond so kindly to me <3.

    As for every scholar I see on Youtube, I see that they say that “men are naturally polygamous so they will get more than one wife and women by nature can only love one man and so women have to trust that she will be satisfied in Heaven while sharing their husbands” An example of this would be Assim-Al-Hakeem.

    I also like to agree with you that everyone gets what they desire, so if women want one man, they will get one, and if men want more they will get more without the need to compromise what a woman wants. A woman’s husband can go off with other women while she can also get one man all to herself who will only love her and no one else.

    But the thing is, so many people, especially men, in YouTube videos, comments, and websites like these say that “don’t worry you will be beautiful so it doesn’t matter” as if beauty is the only thing a woman wants. That’s the reason I asked why male scholars think they know women. You, as a woman, would you like a husband all to yourself in Jannah, and is beauty and gold the only thing you strive for? Me as a woman, I’d rather have a soulmate all to myself than have any beauty. Once again I could be ugly and as long as my man loves me without loving anyone else, I’d be greatly satisfied.

    Also, do you think women are forever tied to their husbands in Heaven? I find no evidence that women HAVE to be with their husbands in Heaven. I just feel like scholars say this to create a dominance and assert male superiority.

    • Asalamualaykum Zoe!

      Yes if there is one thing I can tell you for sure, it is that you will have what you desire in Jannah, and you will be perfectly content there. I think it's best if, while we are in this dunya, we place our focus on what we need to do to get into Jannah in the first place. Keep up our salah, remember Allah often, ask for forgiveness for big faults as well as the small ones we commit daily that we are not even aware of, take good care of our fellow humans, animals, and the earth. Because not a single human is guaranteed Jannah. We have to strive hard to get there. That should be our main concern...because once in Jannah, we have nothing to worry about. It is guaranteed happiness and contentment.

      As far as your question about my preferences, that's interesting hahaha. I actually would be fine sharing my man with other women, as I like a lot of alone time and have friends and hobbies to occupy me. Furthermore, just as you would would be fine with just having a particular man all to yourself regardless of your looks, etc, I would be fine with just having a particular man period....whether I would have to share him or not. Allah knows us women best, and no two are alike!!

      I think that if this issue is really eating at you, you should take a break from listening to scholars. Occupy yourself with your direct link with Allah through your Salat and Dua. Develop a more personal relationship with Allah and you will see things happening in your best interest. You won't even care about this scholar or that one.



      • Assalamualaykum again Nor,

        After thinking about it I decided that, no matter how much scholars say this or that, I think they are wrong because who are they to assess Allah’s promise and the black and white of such promises? They don’t know everything as they are human and I don’t know much too, but instead of focusing on the Ayahs that talk about Hoors, I will focus on the fact that Allah says multiple times that we will get what we want. I heard that as we near The Hour, there will be many scholars saying such things to get people out of Islam and turn them away. They will talk about the “superior men” and not as superior women and I just thought, even our Beloved Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him), never assessed Heaven in this way. I believe that we will get what we want in this world and more, and I have my evidence for it. No one could say “Women cannot have this or that” because they are mere humans and have no authority to put limits on the promise “Therein they shall have whatever they desire”. For example, say a woman her whole life wanted a man all to herself and can’t have one and she gets into Jannah, who says she can’t have a man to herself since it is something she desired and longed for. There is no evidence that people CANNOT have something and Allah always said they WILL HAVE what the want. Allah, never goes against His word, and He is the Most Just and the most Merciful. That is what I believe and that is what Allah and His Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him) said. No amount of these scholars can tell me otherwise. (I’d like to point out that to some extent, I think they are doing something Haram by setting limits to the unseen and claiming women cannot have this or that because they are belittling and not focusing upon what Allah has said in His Divine Word. No wonder why this was a sign of the Hour. Clearly these scholars had given me false hope and almost took me astray but Allah’s Word is Final. We will all get whatever we want. Now I can peacefully focus on getting into Jannah so I can get what I wanted for the most: seeing God before my own eyes, seeing the beauty of Heaven and being happy.)

        (and also A HANDSOME ANIME MAN >:3 )

        P.S. Also, it is interesting to see that you don’t mind sharing a man. I could never. If my future man even looks at someone else I would cry. So wow Nor, I commend you for that. Once again thank you so much <3.

        • Asalamualaykum Zoe,

          If you want an "anime man," you shall receive. They are pretty good-looking, I have to admit XD. Yeah Jannah is for pure bliss. We needn't worry what will happen there...we will be so happy Inshallah. This life is for lessons and contentment with Allah's decree.

          There is definitely sort of a consensus among scholars and people of knowledge that we will have our last husband in Jannah. But why not assume you will find your husband here in this dunya, and then want to be with him forever in Jannah? It's a win win really 😉



        • yeah I know there is a majority consensus, but then again, I feel like they are belittling Allah’s decree by saying this. I don’t think a woman who doesn’t want to be with her husband in Jannah will get him, cause once again we get EVERYTHING WE DESIRE OR HAVE DESIRED IN THIS WORLD AND MORE.

          and as for finding a hubby here, i once again gave up on finding a man, mainly because i dont want to end up with a man who is polygamous and won’t want just me (I’d rather work in a sewer system than have a sister wife) and also I am not good looking and as you can see my faith isn’t as good as people would want, so i just decided I don’t want any worldly man since no man would want to settle for someone like me. plus, this whole thing I have been suffering with really pained me and gave me a lost in trust with men and all of that. Though it will hurt me cause i do have desires and wish to be loved, i will remain voluntary celibate.

          besides, if i work for Jannah, Allah will give me whatever man I want, so for now i can just stay voluntary celibate my entire life and focus on getting into Heaven instead of worrying about all of that with men. <3

        • Assalamualaykum,
          On second thought, if women are only bound to their last husbands then I just won’t marry in this world. I think thats the final decision that I can take so I can Inshallah get an anime man instead <3.

          • Why are we saying "last husband", you would get married if your husband died? Is that really true and eternal love to replace your husband after he has died?

            If you can accept the idea of a "last husband" then on the flip side of the coin "last wife" should also be accepted.

  13. Also, Nor Assalamualaykum to you to and Walaykumasalam. I am sorry for not saying that earlier :C

  14. I just replied to this and then went to another tab while I was researching all of this and then it said “women cannot choose a man in Jannah, and the correct view would that she would only be with her last husband” and my blood visibly boiled. these people think Jannah is so restrictive smh.

    • Salam Aleykoum Zoe,

      I just saw your message and I am exactly like you. Scholars speak in our names, they are saying women have less desire, they don't desire multiple men, but how do they know? They aren't women and a lot of women desire a lot of men. I think (and some schoolar) that Allah is fair and will give us exactly what we want. I mean in Jannah men will wear silk and gold whereas it's forbidden for them in dunya, vine will be halal etc, why multiple male partner for women would be forbidden?

      I think men especially during the time of the prophet (pbuh) were very jealous, possessive and the description of Jannah was to motivate them (battles etc) and it would'n motivate them to know that their wife would have male houri if they want too. But of course some schoolar like to say that jealousy is very positive for men but a sin for women so it will be removed from them in Jannah lol.

      I'm doing my research but I think if you want the most romantic monogamous relationship you will have it insh'Allah, because it's not a sin to feel like this.
      Why wanting a polygamous relationship whereas your wife doesn't want would be permitted and having a beautiful and romantic monogamous relationship would be sinful and forbidden?

      see you soon, I hope!

      • Lilou

        It seems you are under influence of porn where they show one woman with multiple men at a time .
        Easy access of porn , erotic materials has corrupted the minds .
        Also your post seems you have agenda to write false information against religion and misguide people .
        Many anti islamic forces keeps spreading fake information but they will not succeed .

        Regarding lot of other questions many answers are already available .

        • Cool,

          Then what is the “right” information? All that sister Lilou was referring to was that it can’t be wrong to want one monogamous marriage. Not only is it 100% halal, but it is preferred. What is it that’s “fake” about this post? Can you reply to my messages then?

  15. I actually Googled for info if I can indeed make du'a for my husband not to take on a Hoorul Ayn in Jannah, and I'm glad to know that I am not alone with this thought.

    Having said that, I am also glad to read how extreme some women get over this subject to a point of irrationality (I read one who wanted to commit suicide over this, naudzubillah) and it made me ponder for hours.

    I asked myself, what is the alternative to this? If I don't want my husband to take on a Hoorul Ayn in Jannah, do I forfeit my place in Jannah then? And if my place is not in Jannah, that could only mean I'll be in Jahannam, naudzubillah. Seems a bit extreme and illogical for me to reject a place in Jannah just because I don't want my husband to be with a creature that Allah has created for him. A creature that is not even present in my life right now, and a creature that absolutely will not take my husband's love away from me in Jannah, despite the purpose of its creation.

    Am I really willing to deny myself of Allah's mercy and blessing in giving me Jannah over this? Over a realm or dimension that He Himself had said we humans cannot comprehend. That whatever I'm feeling now about sharing my husband will not exist once I'm there? I don't think any man, not even my husband whom I love dearly, is worth rejecting a place in Jannah. And so I figured, if I want Jannah, I will have to accept everything and all that comes with it, including my husband and his Hoorul Ayn.

    This also reminds me that I am nothing but a slave of Allah. And if I want to remain true to that, I cannot make haram what He has made halal. Even if I do not like it.

    And just like with everything else that Allah has ordered, His decree also comes with the ease for us to handle it.


    • I am happy that you won’t be taking the extreme of suicide for such a matter. Though for me, I think this is my only option? Mainly cause it’s a promise that Allah SWT has made, that we can have whatever we want. So it feels like I’ll never be able to get what I want, which was a promise made. And I know that Allah SWT does not break promises. Many men say that it’s not in the nature of a woman to want multiple men, but refuse to acknowledge those women who want one person all to themselves. If not a worldly husband, (because of this topic I am remaining voluntarily celibate my entire life), then one man all to myself. Is that not allowed? Something that I want so badly on this Earth and forever is to have one person love only me for eternity. Jannah should be a place where my dreams come true. This isn’t about jealousy at this point it’s more like pain that I can’t have one person to myself. Something that is instilled in me as the nature of a woman for my entire life is having one man all to myself. Many people tell me to stop acting like I am going into Jannah but it’s more of a strive. ‘If I can’t have something in the dunya then in Jannah I can surely get it’ is the mentality I live by. Thus, I can strive for Jannah which should be sn eternal bliss and not just me as a woman going back to husband while he is happy with other women and I am ‘happy” because I’ve been rewired to be happy.

      • Salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ukthie,

        How are you doing? I found this pages because I have the same issues.

        It is difficult but we have to trust in Allah s.w.t.

        How are you doing in this matter?

        • Not that good. I am trying my best to slowly understand that I will not be treated as a second-class citizen to a man in Jannah because of course Allah is fair. But, so many men aren’t making anything better.

          • Salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dear sister,

            Im sad to read that you're still not that good.
            Alhamdulillah I have a hardtimes as well sometimes. But Alhamdulillah it's getting better with the help of Allah s.w.t.. I try as much as i can to put my trust in Allah s.w.t. promise that we get whatever we want. So it must be possible. Some want gold, others want money etc...

            Seek refuge by Allah s.w.t. againts the shaytaan, because he knows what our weaknesses are and when he see the opportunity to get us he takes it. So please be aware of that en try to see the greatness of Allah s.w.t.

            I think a lot about sisters in the same situation like ours and Allah s.w.t. know everything and us best.

            May Allah s.w.t. make our hearts firm on His religion and our obedience to Him. Ameen

            I know the most things we read on the internet are not very comforting, but sometimes! i read things and hear things other then the most things you can find on the internet.

            So please dear sister, believe in Allah s.w.t. His promises to us and His greatness. We have to believe in that. Everything is possible. Allah s.w.t. is capable of anything. He knows what we want even if we don't say it.
            Allah s.w.t. is the Most and Ever Giving. Here we have to do whatever Allah s.w.t. want from us and there - if we succeed - we get whatever we want bi idhni Allah.

            So hold on, I take you into my prayers and I hope to see eachother over there in Jannat Al Firdauws.

            Lots of love And watch what we say and write because we can hold accountable on Judgement Day.

          • Also remember Allah swt doesnt test a soul with more than they can handle, meaning Allah swt is testing us with something we can handle, maybe thinking like this is what keeps bringing us back to the deen and not lead us astray

            Also there r some men who also have thoughts of “not motivation for jannah only to stay away from hell” as it doesn’t motivate them , so this is not only a womans issue ( as i use to think it was possible for only women to feel miserable in this way) but its men who r tested like this too, its all waswas and a delusion fr!

            the idea of exclusiveness and multiple partners and legit EVERYTHING comes from allah swt, our minds are limted to what Allah swt allows us to know, meaning he said in jannah there will be things we never even knew that are WAY better than all the good emotions and things that are on earth , its hard to accept the inevitable and have control issues and feel sad that we dont know part of the unseen as a woman (eg what is the equivalent to the hoor if we dont get them) BUT THERE IS ONE, we can accept that 100% and be hurt at the same time, i noticed also some muslims r unaware of hoor in general and never feel this pain, but the ones who seek to increase in knowledge have this pain after they find out, meaning Allah swt loves us for increasing in knowledge that he is testing us more to remove sins or raise our status as we try our best to be patient and repent when we fear we did something against our own nafs.

            i pray Allah swt allows us to increase in tawhid and tawakkul as we r desperate and hurt in this world, but this hopelessness of the afterlife isn’t limited to women, some men feel the same about all of jannah (its sad i read stories where it didn’t motivate them- the trick of shaytan was this and we should seek refuge in Allah swt) this is all a test, and i PRAY so much that we go through our trials with ease and make it to Jannah al-firdows as close to Allah swt as possible.

  16. Salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    I read in one of the comments that scholars will say things that are not true to led people astray (i'm sorry for my bad writing in english) where did you find that? Cause I cant

  17. I had the same issue as you for almost 15 years of my life, but the thing I did differently from most was to make dua to Allah for a loyal and pure spouse in jannah, who will be mine and only mine. I have noticed throughout my life that Alhamdullilah my duas get answered very well Alhamdullillah, I can not thank Allah enough for always answering my duas with so much beauty and wonder.

    Anyways, I made dua to Allah I mentioned above for like 9 years (including the months of Ramadan, Laylatul Qadar, night, day, sincere, crying, honest, and most importantly, never ever giving up the belief that Allah will respond to me one day) and than in the 10th year, just before the month of Ramadan, in 2021, I had the most wonderful dream/vision, which I knew from the depth of my heart was from Allah, that in Jannah, I was married to a pure spouse, who is mine and only mine. Almost a decade of patience, prayer, pain, finally got paid and my heart is now neither jealous, nor in grief, nor do I have any insecurities. In fact, sometimes I read about the hur al ayn just for fun, ha ha, to remind myself of the time when I use to cry and suffer so much. And i really look forward to jannah now, I am not scared to touch the Quran because the hur al ayn are mentioned (in fact I now actually enjoy reading about them).

    I swear I narrate my story in truth, and may the curse of Allah be one me if I am lying.

    If you want anything sister, ask Allah for it, He is the bestower, the enabler, did he not say "Allah is able to do all things"

    Alahmdullilah who always inspired me to make dua to him, who always gave me patience, and who, ALWAYS, in the end, gave me a mighty response to my duas.

    Anyone who has gained anything from my story, please remember me in your duas as well, as once again I am going though a heavy test in life.

    May the Peace and blessings of Allah on anyone who reads this.

    alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Asalamualaykum Sister Jameelah,

      Alhamdulillah. Thank you for sharing your story with Zoe. Inshallah she will find great comfort in it.

      And may Allah ease your present hardship. Hardships are indeed ever present, but Allah helps us endure them and succeed, if we only ask.



    • May Allah make your dream true, and bless you with paradise.
      You can’t imagine how happy I felt after reading about your dream♥️

    • Salam sister
      Thank you so much for sharing your dream alhamdullilah I’m so happy for you that Allah showed and answered your wishes. Mashallah
      You gave me so much strength to make dua. I struggle with the same problems which are really hard to me, I cry a lot. But you just made it better !
      You will be in my dua
      Thank you sister !

      • Salaam Aya.LB

        I am so glad you found my story useful. I remember the time when I used to spend hours, days, weeks and even months reading articles and just look for anything that would give me hope and calm me down.

        I couldn't find much honestly, but I kept going on and on with my own struggle until finally Allah payed my suffering with a huge reward.

        I think mostly it's because I never gave up. Most people just give up but I made dua for nearly 10 years and I never gave up the hope that one day for sure Allah will respond to me.

        And then it came and now I am free of this burden forever.

        I feel light. I feel like I have been freed. I feel like a boulder has been removed from my heart.

        I could fly sometimes honestly.

        You will get there as well.

        And remember just because you didn't see a vision or a dream, it doesn't mean your dua hasn't been answered.

        A lot of the time, we are not even able to make dua to Allah until he wants us to make dua. In which case he has ALREADY DECIDED TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO ASK BEFORE YOU EVEN ASKED!!!

        Remember that Allah is also testing so he will see whether you hold on or not, but the response is already there.

        The reason I made my story public is to help others.

        I don't want people to drown in darkness or give up their place in Jannah because of the hur al ayn.

        You will get everything, Jannat, and then inshallah all you want in it.

        Never give up, and hold onto the rope of Allah,

        Ramadan 2023 is around the corner. Make lots of duas for yourself, and for the entire Ummah, take advantage of this crucial time inshalllah.

        May Allah forgive and bless us all.


        Salaaam alaikum.

  18. So you're telling me the man I loved and who loved me is going to get these other women he's going to love. I'M HIS WIFE! I think my problem is I'm just hurt.

    • Why not. Who take care of a man? Women, we do for them. We give them intimacy when they want, so they can protect themselves from jahannam. We bear their children, we hide their secrets and even wrong doings by mistakes, we make dua for them. Women in earth are far more Superior than hoorul ayn. No matter what every women are possessively love their husband and children, some say im not that type, but when it comes to reality, what kind of women want to share her husband? Getting a good husband is worth than getting a billions of money, because it is fate to get a man.

Leave a Response