Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise

jealousy, envy, jealous of couple, insecure, woman

Salam,

Listen, please I beg you to help me with this problem of mine. I feel so depressed and grieved and heartbroken and I want to commit suicide. Why? Because of Hoor al Ayn.

I do not want my husband to have Hoor al Ayn in heaven under any circumstances. Please quote one verse in Islam that says men can reject Hoor al Ayn. Why do men have to get more wives anyway? Why? If their first wife is so beautiful then why do they need hoors? And please, don't answer with any of the following because I will start screaming with myself:

1. Don't say there will be no jealousy. This isn't a matter of jealousy, I just want to be with my husband forever and that's it.

2. Do not say get to heaven first. I know that already but it's not even an answer.

3. Men cannot reject hoors because hoors are so pretty! Then why, when the wife is so much more beautiful than hoor, does hoor even exist? God will program our brains to accept a man to have an hoor. Why?!

4. And don't you dare say "you are insecure" because I have had enough of that answer. It's driving me to suicide, I swear. I am not joking.

Why can't I just marry a Non-Muslim man? I mean, the Muslim husband, no matter what, will go away from me to his hoors.

Please give me a good answer. I want to marry a Muslim man but I don't want him to have an hoor. Can he reject them in heaven if he doesn't want them too? Please? I am getting more farther away from life and Alllah because of this matter, please help me get it resolved.

Sister


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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam i think you need to learn more about Islam

    • I think your confused. They wont have a Hoor for what your thinking. Rather the Hoors will just be there with them whereever they go?

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister,

    I understand that you fear this, as you are not well-adjusted to the idea of polygamy or polyamory. However, you needn't worry about anything about the afterlife except for getting there, because once you are in Jannah, everything will be as you desire and you will not have any negativity, negative emotions, negative experiences, etc. All will be good and well. I know it may seem like I am glossing over your issue, but I am giving you a blanket statement because it is true and you need to get used to the idea that you cannot even fathom the goodness and comfort that awaits you in Jannah 🙂

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  3. Sister, I think you should focus more on what is going on right here on Earth in your life. You are making assumptions that somehow you already have a space in Jannah. Nothing is up to any of us. It is all dependent on what Allah chooses to give each individual. You might also want to mature in your own personal growth. It is unfair and awkward to ask for advice and then tell those you ask how to respond to your request, as "I want to know what you think. But don't tell me the truth. Or something I don't want to hear." To save time, I won't tell you the items 1 through 4 you have listed. And you really do not know what anyone in Paradise will or will not do. And don't assume you know what the status of non-Muslim men is. That also belongs to Allah alone. Beside, Muslim women are not permitted to marry non-Muslims.

  4. As-salaamu alaikum, Sister.

    I can understand your feeling and your jealousy (even if you don't call it jealousy). I've been in your shoes when I was younger and I guess, wasn't secure enough in my belief in Allah's Ultimate Wisdom.

    Sister, have you read the description of Jannah in the Quran and Sunnah (Hadeeth)? You're focusing on one of the thing that your husband will get but somehow you forget what Allaah will bless you if you make it to Jannah together ...

    "bounties as no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no human mind has perceived."

    When you have everything you ever wish for and more, you wouldn't even care what your husband is having and doing, as you won't have even one speck of negative feelings and thoughts in Jannah. Your heart will be washed clean for all your negative characters and finally you will be happy, content, well pleased, always ... forever ...

    Isn't that enough? What more would you want if Allaah will give you whatever you want and you will be pleased with whatever Allaah blesses you?

    I know that the Quran and Sunnah don't give much description about Jannah for women, but Allaah is The Most Just, and we don't know much about what He will give to the women of Jannah. But I'm sure with all certainty that He will give women as much as bounties as He will give the men. No doubt about that whatsoever.

    Also, each man in Jannah will get at least two wives from the women of the Dunya.

    Will you also try to deny that from your husband?

    But you can rest assure that you won't feel jealousy because you can't even see one another and there is no heartache in Jannah ...

    "In Jannah the believer will have a tent made of a single hollowed pearl of which the length will be sixty miles in the sky. The believer will have his wives with him and he will visit them and they will not be able to see one another."
    Al-Bukhari and Muslim

    And imagine this, you won't even realize that your husband is away because there are so many bounties in jannah that you can enjoy and whatever your soul desire, you will get it.

    (If you try to say here : "my soul desire is for my husband to refuse all the hoor and other wives and take only me as his", when you get to Jannah, you won't even wish for it because your heart would be purify before you enter Jannah, all your flaws will be erased, and whatever you wish for there is from your fitrah and won't be against what has been written by Allaah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala)

    Again, what I want to emphasize here, instead of thinking what other people will get, focus on what YOU will get inshaa-Allaah if you make it to Jannah, bi idhnillaah ... Focus on YOUR relationship with Allaah first and foremost, your ibadaah, your own journey to reach Jannah ... then your relationship with the creations (including your husband) will be better, and YOUR place in Jannah will be there.

    Ya Allaah please bless us all with a house in Jannah. Ameen.

  5. Salam Sister,

    You're problem is very easy to solve and Inshallah will be solved by Allah in a way more elegant way than I can come up with. So trust in Allah with this problem, and don't worry about its solution. As for my not so elegant solution, it says here you can ask for anything:

    *****
    http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=41&verse=31

    Sahih International: We [angels] were your allies in worldly life and [are so] in the Hereafter. And you will have therein whatever your souls desire, and you will have therein whatever you request [or wish]
    *****

    So since you can ask for anything. Ask for a chastity belt and let your husband frolic among the hur with peace of mind :). Like I said, I think Allah will come up with a better solution for you, but at least I have provided you a worst case scenario where you still win out. I hope this helps you regain your iman. Salam.

  6. As other Muslims have answered quite well here, let me get straight to the root of the issue: Multiple WIVES.

    Allah SWT has created human beings with certain inherent natural inclinations. Men have certain inherent natural inclinations and women have theirs. Some of these inclinations overlap while others are different. Among these Natural inclinations, Man has a unique one of wanting multiple wives in this world, which may or may not be fulfilled due to various reasons. But that Natural desire, generally speaking, always remains. Same isn't true for women. They don't, generally speaking, have that natural inclination of having multiple husbands at the same time. As Jannah is a place where one gets what one WANTS OR DESIRES, Allah has promised men reward of Hoor Al Ayn in ACCORDANCE WITH NATURE HE CREATED MEN WITH. And women , since don't have that Natural desire for multiple husbands, they aren't promised such.

    Your fear/anxiety/depression about your husband having multiple WIVES is understandable with regards to worldly life. But your are just, fallaciously, equating entirely different dimensions of existence, paradise and world. Paradise has its own unique nature and dimension of existence. I advise you, humbly, supplicate to Allah to remove your anxiety and grant you peace of mind. You quite deep love for your husband has caused "possessiveness" to take root which might be driving this anxiety about Hoor Al Ayn. Develop a positive attitude towards the issue of Polygyny/polygamy and try to understand the wisdom behind such matter. Understanding such issue perspectively will certainly be helpful to avoid blatant misunderstanding and misreading.

  7. I understand you completely, dear sister. I used to think the same thing. I thought my husband would never want another woman, especially not a huralayn.His cellphone proved the opposite to me. Now, I'm focused only on myself, my kids, my Paradise. I'm still a loyal wife, but I never even want to be together with him in Hearafter. Please read the verse AlFurqan 16, and seek what you want, but do not seek the sons of Adem. They are all the same. On one of them will reject Hur. So,I ask Allah to create in Jannah for me according to my measure 🙂
    And ask Him a full reward for lowering my gaze and guarding my private parts as He promised us. This world is test. Husbend is test. Be clever and never let him to be more than he shud be. He is not your Rabb. See you in Jannah insaAllah.

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