Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise

jealousy, envy, jealous of couple, insecure, woman

Salam,

Listen, please I beg you to help me with this problem of mine. I feel so depressed and grieved and heartbroken and I want to commit suicide. Why? Because of Hoor al Ayn.

I do not want my husband to have Hoor al Ayn in heaven under any circumstances. Please quote one verse in Islam that says men can reject Hoor al Ayn. Why do men have to get more wives anyway? Why? If their first wife is so beautiful then why do they need hoors? And please, don't answer with any of the following because I will start screaming with myself:

1. Don't say there will be no jealousy. This isn't a matter of jealousy, I just want to be with my husband forever and that's it.

2. Do not say get to heaven first. I know that already but it's not even an answer.

3. Men cannot reject hoors because hoors are so pretty! Then why, when the wife is so much more beautiful than hoor, does hoor even exist? God will program our brains to accept a man to have an hoor. Why?!

4. And don't you dare say "you are insecure" because I have had enough of that answer. It's driving me to suicide, I swear. I am not joking.

Why can't I just marry a Non-Muslim man? I mean, the Muslim husband, no matter what, will go away from me to his hoors.

Please give me a good answer. I want to marry a Muslim man but I don't want him to have an hoor. Can he reject them in heaven if he doesn't want them too? Please? I am getting more farther away from life and Alllah because of this matter, please help me get it resolved.

Sister


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18 Responses »

  1. Salaam i think you need to learn more about Islam

    • I think your confused. They wont have a Hoor for what your thinking. Rather the Hoors will just be there with them whereever they go?

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister,

    I understand that you fear this, as you are not well-adjusted to the idea of polygamy or polyamory. However, you needn't worry about anything about the afterlife except for getting there, because once you are in Jannah, everything will be as you desire and you will not have any negativity, negative emotions, negative experiences, etc. All will be good and well. I know it may seem like I am glossing over your issue, but I am giving you a blanket statement because it is true and you need to get used to the idea that you cannot even fathom the goodness and comfort that awaits you in Jannah 🙂

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  3. Sister, I think you should focus more on what is going on right here on Earth in your life. You are making assumptions that somehow you already have a space in Jannah. Nothing is up to any of us. It is all dependent on what Allah chooses to give each individual. You might also want to mature in your own personal growth. It is unfair and awkward to ask for advice and then tell those you ask how to respond to your request, as "I want to know what you think. But don't tell me the truth. Or something I don't want to hear." To save time, I won't tell you the items 1 through 4 you have listed. And you really do not know what anyone in Paradise will or will not do. And don't assume you know what the status of non-Muslim men is. That also belongs to Allah alone. Beside, Muslim women are not permitted to marry non-Muslims.

  4. As-salaamu alaikum, Sister.

    I can understand your feeling and your jealousy (even if you don't call it jealousy). I've been in your shoes when I was younger and I guess, wasn't secure enough in my belief in Allah's Ultimate Wisdom.

    Sister, have you read the description of Jannah in the Quran and Sunnah (Hadeeth)? You're focusing on one of the thing that your husband will get but somehow you forget what Allaah will bless you if you make it to Jannah together ...

    "bounties as no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no human mind has perceived."

    When you have everything you ever wish for and more, you wouldn't even care what your husband is having and doing, as you won't have even one speck of negative feelings and thoughts in Jannah. Your heart will be washed clean for all your negative characters and finally you will be happy, content, well pleased, always ... forever ...

    Isn't that enough? What more would you want if Allaah will give you whatever you want and you will be pleased with whatever Allaah blesses you?

    I know that the Quran and Sunnah don't give much description about Jannah for women, but Allaah is The Most Just, and we don't know much about what He will give to the women of Jannah. But I'm sure with all certainty that He will give women as much as bounties as He will give the men. No doubt about that whatsoever.

    Also, each man in Jannah will get at least two wives from the women of the Dunya.

    Will you also try to deny that from your husband?

    But you can rest assure that you won't feel jealousy because you can't even see one another and there is no heartache in Jannah ...

    "In Jannah the believer will have a tent made of a single hollowed pearl of which the length will be sixty miles in the sky. The believer will have his wives with him and he will visit them and they will not be able to see one another."
    Al-Bukhari and Muslim

    And imagine this, you won't even realize that your husband is away because there are so many bounties in jannah that you can enjoy and whatever your soul desire, you will get it.

    (If you try to say here : "my soul desire is for my husband to refuse all the hoor and other wives and take only me as his", when you get to Jannah, you won't even wish for it because your heart would be purify before you enter Jannah, all your flaws will be erased, and whatever you wish for there is from your fitrah and won't be against what has been written by Allaah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala)

    Again, what I want to emphasize here, instead of thinking what other people will get, focus on what YOU will get inshaa-Allaah if you make it to Jannah, bi idhnillaah ... Focus on YOUR relationship with Allaah first and foremost, your ibadaah, your own journey to reach Jannah ... then your relationship with the creations (including your husband) will be better, and YOUR place in Jannah will be there.

    Ya Allaah please bless us all with a house in Jannah. Ameen.

  5. Salam Sister,

    You're problem is very easy to solve and Inshallah will be solved by Allah in a way more elegant way than I can come up with. So trust in Allah with this problem, and don't worry about its solution. As for my not so elegant solution, it says here you can ask for anything:

    *****
    http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=41&verse=31

    Sahih International: We [angels] were your allies in worldly life and [are so] in the Hereafter. And you will have therein whatever your souls desire, and you will have therein whatever you request [or wish]
    *****

    So since you can ask for anything. Ask for a chastity belt and let your husband frolic among the hur with peace of mind :). Like I said, I think Allah will come up with a better solution for you, but at least I have provided you a worst case scenario where you still win out. I hope this helps you regain your iman. Salam.

  6. As other Muslims have answered quite well here, let me get straight to the root of the issue: Multiple WIVES.

    Allah SWT has created human beings with certain inherent natural inclinations. Men have certain inherent natural inclinations and women have theirs. Some of these inclinations overlap while others are different. Among these Natural inclinations, Man has a unique one of wanting multiple wives in this world, which may or may not be fulfilled due to various reasons. But that Natural desire, generally speaking, always remains. Same isn't true for women. They don't, generally speaking, have that natural inclination of having multiple husbands at the same time. As Jannah is a place where one gets what one WANTS OR DESIRES, Allah has promised men reward of Hoor Al Ayn in ACCORDANCE WITH NATURE HE CREATED MEN WITH. And women , since don't have that Natural desire for multiple husbands, they aren't promised such.

    Your fear/anxiety/depression about your husband having multiple WIVES is understandable with regards to worldly life. But your are just, fallaciously, equating entirely different dimensions of existence, paradise and world. Paradise has its own unique nature and dimension of existence. I advise you, humbly, supplicate to Allah to remove your anxiety and grant you peace of mind. You quite deep love for your husband has caused "possessiveness" to take root which might be driving this anxiety about Hoor Al Ayn. Develop a positive attitude towards the issue of Polygyny/polygamy and try to understand the wisdom behind such matter. Understanding such issue perspectively will certainly be helpful to avoid blatant misunderstanding and misreading.

  7. I understand you completely, dear sister. I used to think the same thing. I thought my husband would never want another woman, especially not a huralayn.His cellphone proved the opposite to me. Now, I'm focused only on myself, my kids, my Paradise. I'm still a loyal wife, but I never even want to be together with him in Hearafter. Please read the verse AlFurqan 16, and seek what you want, but do not seek the sons of Adem. They are all the same. On one of them will reject Hur. So,I ask Allah to create in Jannah for me according to my measure 🙂
    And ask Him a full reward for lowering my gaze and guarding my private parts as He promised us. This world is test. Husbend is test. Be clever and never let him to be more than he shud be. He is not your Rabb. See you in Jannah insaAllah.

  8. My dear sister. The one who you are going to marry is so lucky to get you. I hope he and you treat each other with love and care. I understand sister. ALLAH will help you solve this matter. Please do not commit an act which is displeasing to ALLAH. He created you. May ALLAH help you.

  9. Assalamu Alaikum sister,
    its been quite some time since you posted this question. i find myself in the same problem. i would like to know how you are doing and coping up with the problem with hoors.
    eagerly waiting for you responds,

    • Aslamoalaikum sister, I’m also in a similar position. So stressed, can’t concentrate on anything. Are you feeling any better?

    • Asalamualaykum,

      What might help you ladies is to remember that you do not own your husband, nor is your husband your Lord. He is a separate human being from you. You never did own him, and you never will. He belongs to Allah and will go back to Him. You are given this worldly life with your husband as a test...test of love for your Lord, jealousy of others, etc. If you pass these tests and bear patience, you will get to Jannah, where you will reside with your husband forever. Who cares if there are Hoor al Ayns there? Because it is Paradise, you will be CONTENT there no matter what...Allah has promised this!

      So please rest easy sisters. What's yours will be yours.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • It’s easier said than done, I’m quite sure this is all coming from a male. If men were created that way, why are women created this way (possessive)? Besides, it’s not that we’re asking for another man, we just want our man to be ours, why is that so difficult to understand. We give all our life to please the HUSBAND, for what? To see him abandon us for Hoors and others while he is using the strength of 100 men and us to be happy looking at rivers? Seriously!

        • Asalamualaykum Nysha,

          Actually I am a woman. Who says women are jealous and possessive? That's a generalization. I do understand that some woman may want their man to themselves, and they have full right to do that, here or in Jannah. They cannot be coerced into polygamy. If their husband wants another woman besides them, they can choose not to marry that husband if they know this information before marriage, and they have a choice to leave their husband if they are given this information after marriage.

          This dunya is not for what we want, it is for what we need. Allah has promised each human being sustenance on this dunya. Jannah will be a different story...it will be for what we want. And as I said, you will be content there no matter what. Allah doesn't break His promises...that is a human flaw.

          Nor
          IslamicAnswers

  10. I am a newly converted Muslim woman, I studied Islam, everything makes sense to me, except this hoors concept. I didn’t find a single response that actually made me content for even one bit, same stuff as on all the sites. Men will have strength of 100 men for intercourse. What is even the need to specify that, test? Wow. How are men tested then? Why can’t a woman have multiple partners then? You call women jealous and possessive but why can’t men share their women, why does that freak them out to have a thought to share their women with another man let alone MEN!!

    • Naesha, I've been Muslim a long time, and I've never heard this "100 times strength for intercourse" thing. Don't know where you got that.

      Who says women cannot have multiple partners in Jannah? The Prophet (sws) said that the lowest person in Jannah would earn whatever his / her heart desires. If that's what she wishes for, why not? On the other hand, if she wishes for a loving, monogamous partner, no doubt she will have that.

      I find all of this discussion a bit silly and presumptive. You are talking about Paradise, not this earth. When you marry someone in this world, the marriage lasts until divorce or death. In Paradise, people can choose to do what makes them happy. Whatever that may be. Period.

      Besides, there is no guarantee that any of us will get into Jannah. Rather than worry about who your husband will be partnered with in another dimension of existence, after a full life and death, worry about whether your good deeds are sufficient to earn Jannah.

      I would be overcome with joy to be forgiven by Allah on Yawm Al-Qiyamah, and to enter Jannah. I have never given a moment's thought to who I will be partnered with there, or what my house will look like, or any other detail of my life there. Jannah is part of Al-Ghaib (the unseen world). We cannot truly understand it until we are there. All we know is that we will be happy.

      Just let me make it, inshaAllah!

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. I know I am late to the game but this is quite sad to see.

    1. Remember; jannah is absolutely incomparable to dunya; whatever concept you have in your mind on what it’s going to be like is incorrect. We have all heard the Hadith; jannah is what no eye has ever seen etc etc (along those lines)

    2. Allah has promised us to be 100% content and happy and full of joy when we, by His mercy, make it to jannah. He has also told us we will get whatever our hearts desire. This is His promise. And Allah never beaks his promises- like He mentions in the Quran.

    3. Men and women are different. Women aren’t as sexually motivated as men are, which is why Allah never states such a reward for women. However, it is a common fact that men are very much motivated by that sort of thing, and are obsessed with women. Which is why, men are by nature, polygynous. And also why Allah gave them sexual motivation.

    4. If you ask a whole bunch of men what they wanted without limits— they will have the same thing in mind.
    For women, since we by nature, are picky and indecisive, we will have various answers that are all over the place. There is some discussion on wether women will get ‘male’ hoors, there is some scholarly dispute on that topic— some scholars say ‘if she wants, she can have it, since jannah fulfills all your desires, and Allah never mentioned a sexual reward for women due to their shy and more modest nature’ and other scholars say they won’t get ‘male’ hoors. But Allah knows best at the of the day; and personally, I think that most women only want to have ‘male’ hoors, bc they hear that men will have hoors- so they feel jealous and left out. When in reality, as a woman, and I’m sure others are like this as well— ‘male hoor’ would be the LAST thing that comes to mind when you ask me what I want in jannah.

    This is why Allah never specified anything specific for us, since we are picky, indecisive, not motivated as strongly by ‘male hoors’, and are more varied and creative with what our deepest wishes and desires are.

    5. All bad feelings will be removed, once you make it to jannah - by His mercy, you will laugh at yourself for worrying so much. And also remember that earthly women are of higher status and beauty than hoor. There are reports about this, none of them are fully authentic, however, it is quite a logical conclusion to come to I would say. And bc there are numerous non authentic reports, it could show that that was the understanding ppl had. We aren’t going to be a ‘reward’ for men like the hoor, there is a difference from working for jannah, than being created in jannah from the get go.

    6. Who cares what your husband will get? Jannah is so much more than who or how many you are married to! This is waswasa from shaytaan trying to discourage you and make you upset. There is a Hadith along the likes of “I am whatever my slave expects of me” — its a Hadith qudsi I believe, and this teaches us to always think GOOD about Allah, so instead of crying about hoor, why don’t you strive for the mercy of Allah? Don’t think bad of Allah, think good of Him! He is as his slaves expect of Him!

    7. Allah will reward us in our own way as well. He, in His infinite wisdom left more for the unseen when it comes to what women will get. And we all know that jannah is indescribable and unimaginable - so imagine what Allah has in store for us! He never specified anything- rather, He left us pondering and allowing our imaginations to run wild (even though jannah is unimaginable) Remember the Hadith about ‘72 hoors’? Yes, 72 is for men who die as MARTYRS— and you know who the first martyr to die for Islam was? A woman - summayyah r.a.
    Will she get 72 hoors? Of course not. But since she died a martyr, she obviously will be rewarded something extra- just like men who die martyrs are rewarded extra hoor. And women can become martyrs in many different ways as we know. But Allah didn’t specify anything. He left more for the unseen. And everything in the unseen in regards to jannah was way too good to describe!

    8. Allah rewards steadfastness and sabr, and if something is difficult to submit to, Allah, if He wills, will reward you for your steadfastness and your submission and acceptance, despite finding it difficult.

    9. Jannah is so vast and there is so much to explore and to do! It’s not like your husband is the only aspect of Jannah. There is a Hadith where the prophet says the wives won’t see each other. So I mean, you don’t even have to see your husband with the hoor in jannah lol. Idk if this also applies to the earthly wives of a man, I would think maybe it only applies for when they are WITH the husband -so that there isn’t any jealousy, bc I think it would be strange if a co wife won’t even get to meet her co wife when they both make it to jannah haha.

    Sister don’t be discouraged over ridiculous things such as this. Don’t pay attention to shaytaan! Moping about hoor and constantly thinking about them is obviously taking a toll on you, ignore these whispers. I hope this clears some doubts

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