Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband and mother chat negatively about me behind my back

Online chat cartoon - birds on a wire


I know this is a little long but I had to explain my situation. Please help me. I had nikkah in July 2022. I didn't agree to this proposal but my parents loved my husband as he was their cousin. My husband is 10 years older than me and there were other concerns too but my family didn't listen and emotionally blackmailed and pressured me to accept this proposal. I had no choice other than to say "Yes."

After nikkah, we started talking and he said some things that were very hurtful to me. I told him and he apologized but after some time, he told me about his past and showed me pictures of every girl he liked/wanted. But then he told me he has always liked my elder sister and wanted to marry her but due to some issues could not. When I confronted him about this statement, he said "sorry," but also made remarks like "Thank God! I couldn't get your sister so I thought I would lose you too!" After that things started to go bad.

His family was fighting black magic so they were into amulets and wazifas. I didn't like this and this was one of the reasons I didn't want to go with this family. But my parents insisted that I wouldn't be living here in this country, so it will be fine. After Nikkah, I got very sick, so instead of taking me to the doctor, my brother-in-law forced my father to take me to one of their peers. I tried to resolve this issue with my husband but he always says  that I am the youngest and therefore don't have any say in the decision-making.

I was in a very bad situation mentally and physically. My work and personal lives were compromised so I asked him to delay the wedding. It was in December, but he said he would do what his family will tell him to. My family knew the whole situation but blamed me and said I am being immature and started bashing me in the name of honor and what society will say when in reality I didn't want this in the first place. So I took a step and filed for Khula. My family's reaction was very bad. They took my phone and laptop, and beat and abused me but I had no other choice. I actually understand their anger too.

Before Khula, my husband had been in contact with my mother by text and calls and would tell her everything we both talked about, so because of this, the relationship between me and my mother got bad. I asked my husband to keep things between the two of us but he didn't and used my mother to get back at me. He would say hurtful things to her but since my mother supported him instead of her own daughter, she'd take his blows when he was angry.

I started hating him after that and even tried to make him understand that this is not right. He is violating our privacy and this is wrong but he didn't listen. He'd tell her that if he was in bad condition, it was because of me and my mother not controlling and convincing me for the marriage. So I started to keep a check on their chats and got to know some serious stuff like he was going to different peers and asking them for some amulets that would change my heart and mind about marriage. One of their peers told him to recite something at certain times and then burn my pictures on coal.  He even went to one woman who was into black magic (amulets, dolls, etc.) and asked him for a lot of money. During that time, my health got worse and I had severe constant headaches, stopped eating, and couldn't get out of bed etc. I got to know all of this from their chats.

Now my khula is final. Should I tell him and my mom that I spied on them?

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1 Responses »

  1. The most important thing is your safety. Go ahead with the khula and your idah, etc. See how you feel after that and then decide whether you should inform them. Ask Allah for His guidance.
    Best wishes.

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