Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Do you think I’m forgiven I HAVE COMMITED MAJOR SINS

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I am a born and raised Muslim however I started watching videos online of this guy who dosent believe in the after life or god and I stop believing for a few months however I dident make a choice to stop believing It just happened to me. I first started watching these videos in the summer and at first I was scared to watch the video that said "no after life" so I dident but then I got obsessed with the videos so  after a few months passed I  deceided to watch it however I still believed in god I just stopped believing in religions as I countinued watching his videos my faith just went away but sometimes when People talked about god I would just say I don't know.

Anyway during my unbeliever phase I called out to "deities" for something and when I did this I had a feeling that there could be a god and if I did this I could possibly go to hell I was really scared to do it. But I ended up doing it because the thought of there's "no god" came back to my head. After I did it I prayed and said "if there is a god please forgive me I will never do this again " because even though I dident read this was a major sin its like god put the knowledge in me because I already guessed this was a major sin because it is a complete contradiction of god. So that day I said I will never do that again because if there is a god I will be doomed. But I still was unsure if there was a god after because I kept watching the videos . A few months passed and I did something similar because I guess I forgot about what happened to me the last time I did something like that but this time it was asking the sun and moon for things I had a scared feeling and the thought of "there is possibly a god"came up so I hesitated. But then the thought "there is no god probbley" came back up. So I went ahead and did it. But after I prayed again for forgiveness just in case there was a god.

So after this I went through crazy things in my life. Then my faith just started coming back because people around me talking about god .

Am I forgiven for those because I dident believe in god while I did it and it says you shouldent associate god with anyone while knowing he is the only one you should worship. I dident think there was a god at the time which is why I I did and even when I did it I quickly repented. If I believed in god at the time I would never do such a thing. Plus I dident make a choice to stop believing in god my faith just went away but then again  blame myself for allowing that type of evil in my life when I had a feeling at first to not watch it. However I am a believer again a pray 5 times a day which I dident use to do when I was a believer and everyday ask for forgiveness.

But just recently when it was close to prayer time I deceided to take a shower and I know intentionally missing prayer time is shirk but I really wanted to take a shower and said to my self I'll get out before prayer time. However after I shower I usually get discharge from my vagina and I know if you pray and that happens ur prayer is invalid . So while I was showering I started to think maybe I can miss my prayer because I'm showering and doing something and can do it after but then I thought this will be shirk so I looked at the time and I rushed and took wudu in the shower and put on my clothes and and whipped my vagina so I wouldent have discharge and hoped and prayed that it wouldent come out while I was praying because I thought if it came out during  prayer it would be my fault because I intentionally took a shower knowing I could've and should've waited and also knowing I would have discharge but I dident think this would happen so I made it right on time for prayer and I think I had discharge or I think it was just water because I didn't dry myself but I prayer and while I prayed I thought it was discharge and I committed shirk because I took a shower knowing I should've waited and made my prayer invalid. However I did do everything in my power to make the prayer after I realized it was a serious matter. Is that shirk?

Sisikeita321

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2 Responses »

  1. OP: after I shower I usually get discharge from my vagina and I know if you pray and that happens ur prayer is invalid . So while I was showering I started to think maybe I can miss my prayer because I'm showering and doing something and can do it after but then I thought this will be shirk so I looked at the time and I rushed and took wudu in the shower and put on my clothes and and whipped my vagina so I wouldn't have discharge and hoped and prayed that it wouldn't come out while I was praying because I thought if it came out during prayer it would be my fault because I intentionally took a shower knowing I could've and should've waited and also knowing I would have discharge.

    I did some research.......I am not an expert in any thing

    Do you use hot water on your ........and get sexual thoughts, feelings during shower ....... may make you have some noticeable discharge

    After shower gently pat your genital area dry with a clean towel, you don't need to whip your Vagina.

    If no sexual thinking is involved, vaginal discharge is just a normal thing. The glands inside your vagina and cervix produce small amounts of fluid

    • I think she meant to use the word 'wiped', not whipped. But trust yourself (SVS) to focus on that rather than the rest of the entire post. She did not allude to having sexual thoughts and it is inappropriate that you would suggest that in a response.

      Sister Sisikeita321 -

      You need to immerse yourself in knowledge of who Allah is, Whom The Prophet is, what the deen of Islam entails and then learn some legal rulings based on the school of thoughts you may practice. - This will ground you in knowledge and remove any doubts about whether you have committed blasphemy (shirk) through certain thoughts or actions.

      With regards to your past - if you feel you made a mistake in belief in Allah, either through lack of understanding or neglect, simply just make repentence/tawbah (by praying 2 rakaat nawaafil (voluntary) prayers and making a dua seeking forgiveness) and then move forward.

      Shirk as you know is associating divinity to anything other than Allah (God). But know, that Allah is All Forgiving, Oft Forgiving and there is no sin that he cannot forgive if repentance is sought immediately with sincerity.

      you have not committed shirk if you missed the time of prayer, you simply have sinned or rather made a mistake in missing the prayers valid time. Seek forgiveness and repentance and move forward and do not dwell on the past mistake but rather look to see what good you can do and acquire of virtue.

      “Verily Allah (Glorified may he be) has said: ‘Whosoever shows enmity to a wali (friend) of Mine, then I have declared war against him. And My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have obligated upon him. And My servant continues to draw near to me with nafil (voluntary) deeds until I Love him. When I Love him...Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge.’ ”

      [Reported by Bukhari]

      If you are a Hanafi in school of thought, please buy the book Ascent to Felicity (Maraqi 'l-Sa'adat) by Imaam al-Shurunbulali. It is a great book detailing the necessary things that we need to know in terms of practice. it even outlines the creed so you would be in a good standing with the book.

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