Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I wanted to overlook his bad past

Asalamu 'Alaykum,

I really need someone to help me with what to do. I am 16 years old and a while ago I was in a halal relationship with my boyfriend. My intentions were to keep having a halal relationship with him for two years, and then to marry him islamically.

The second I realized that I had feelings for him, I let my mother know about him. He had already told me that he wasn't a virgin, but I didn't mind because I wasn't planning on judging him for mistakes he made in the past. So I put it behind me.

My mother met him once, and he showed up very handsome and nervous but still polite, giving her a good first impression. I never wanted to complain about him in front of her because I didn't want to ruin the way she thought of him.

But then, when I started to get to know him better, I realized that he wasn't really the person I thought he was when I first met him. He had fought a lot in the past, gotten arrested multiple times, never prayed, doesn't fast, dropped out of school and he doesn't work...etc.

And even after getting to know all of that, I still decided that I wanted to be with him in hope that he'd change. Throughout our relationship (which lasted almost 3 months) I kept encouraging him to quit smoking and to get a job since he dropped out two years ago. He made false promises and never lived up to them, disappointing me many times.

-ghayr ma3roof

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4 Responses »

  1. "He had fought a lot in the past, gotten arrested multiple times, never prayed, doesn't fast, dropped out of school and he doesn't work...etc."

    That's a very apt description of a total loser. If you marry him, you can look forward to a life of poverty and possible drug and alcohol addiction. Do you really want your children to have a father like that?

    You're addicted to his looks and machoness, but you can find that in lots of boys who haven't dropped out of school, who have a future and who are not criminals.

    You have to be out of your mind to want to still marry him and as you have found out, people like that don't change - they get worse.

    You should count yourself lucky you left this total loser who would have ruined your life forever.

    • Well said

      • Sister you probably heard “You can’t change a man” you either accept him for who he is or leave him because so much disappointments are ahead please focus on your studies and you don’t need someone who pulls you down from live and also akhiro

  2. Firstly your relationship is haram there is no way this is halal if you're already referring as a bf Its funny how you got your mum involved and not your dad. And you're clearly a confused girl since the qualities you listed are literally the attributes of someone with little success and a lot of drama

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