Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband refuses sex. Should I buy a sex toy?

Out of ideas


I have a question regarding my marriage. I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years and we have just had our first child, a baby boy in July. From the beginning, my husband never liked engaging in sexual relationship. I would try and bring up different things to implement into our bed life but my husband really never cared.

Also if I never initiate, my husband will not initiate. I have tried to see how long we can go without sex, and without myself engaging: we have gone around three to four months.

Once I became pregnant, my husband said he does not want to have sex with me. It has been 10 months since we have had sex (the entire term of my pregnancy).  I have needs and have expressed this to him but he informs me these “feelings and urges I have” are not normal. He makes me feel guilty for feeling this way. I am very close to buying something to help me take the edge off.  Any advice?

Muslim Girl 

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3 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Dear Sister,

    It is highly unusual for a man not to be interested in sex. And as a woman, I'd be so frustrated if I was always the one initiating! This lack of initiative or reciprocity on his part is not allowing fulfillment of your love needs and your emotional needs, which is why you feel this way.

    I think you should have a very open conversation with him about what you feel is lacking in the sexual relationship. You could gently suggest that he see a doctor or therapist to rule out any physical or psychological impediments.

    It is also possible that he is somewhat asexual. I'm guessing if he was homosexual, you would noticed something by now?

    I don't say this to upset you in any way. I just want you to be open to the possibilities, as you don't know what the issue is just yet. I would pray to Allah and make dua for Him to reveal the problem to you.



    • Never heard of a guy being asexual but it's possible but, I doubt it . Possible reasons for his behaviour:

      1. He is getting his needs met elsewhere whether it be via online or a mistress.
      2. He is working hard and barely has the energy to have any action.
      3. Nutrient deficiencient
      4. Low self esteem or doesn't find you attractive anymore
      5. Or he is just gay.

      You need to investigate and eliminate as many reasons as you can and you will have a clearer picture. How was he when you guys first got married , answer that and you can eliminate most yourself.then take the appropriate next move if you need to check his history , phone etc. And if you need to have a chat with him then go ahead and bluntly ask him .

  2. Assalam o Alaikum!

    I have read all comments related to your problem. I agree with the above comments, but I think different from the.
    others, may be physically, emotionally, and maybe spiritually. Let suppose if he is gay so he is fulfilling his internal desire, but it is not only his will but he has become the victim of the devil Shetan, I am talking just about the facts.

    The second thing the black magic and jins, Anyone can be a victim of black magic and jins just like, someone has applied black magic on someone, or he/she could be a victim of magic and jins by walking outside, coming from some haunted place etc. There are so many reasons exists.

    Start reciting surat ul Baqarah daily. blow on the drinking water, and sprinkling on the four corners of your house, make drink this water to your husband without telling him, pray five times salah, and make dua for him and yourself, stop listening musing and haram things which are prohibited in Islam.

    Do sadqa regularly, it will remove your all sorrows, and will protect you from all hurdles.

    Recite Lahoula wala quwwatta illa billa hil aliyil azeem 500 times daily after salat ul isha.

    Quran will not only cure your spiritual problems but your all problems. May Allah help you.

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