Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I repent properly for the “secret habit?”

wipe away sins purify wash

The Prophet (saw) said,“Islam wipes out all of one’s past sins.”


I'm a 16-year-old and I found out about the secret habit when I was around 7 and didn't understand what it was, but had the feeling that no one should know about it, so it was always a secret.

When I was 12 or 13, I found out that it was haram, but I didn't fully comprehend that it needs ghusl; it's like I knew but didn't think much of it or didn't fully know the consequences...I don't quite know how to explain it, I just didn't.

As a result, I used to do it, wash without ghusl, and pray. I'm not sure if I used to do it in Ramadan too or not. I have no idea about how many prayers it was, but I think around a year worth of prayers? For fasting, it was around 2 days, but I doubt if they were in Ramadan or just shaytan telling me. It was from 2 years ago, so I don't remember, and I don't remember the dates or the situations, but the timeline was close to Ramadan.

I have repented around a year ago, and didn't go back to it, but feel anxiety for the prayers and fasts that may not have been valid.

At first I didn't know the rulings on it, then when I found out, I didn't abide by them. I'm not sure if I didn't abide because I was stupid and didn't understand, didn't ask, because of my ignorance, or because I was careless...I don't even know how I came to realize that it needs ghusl; I just remember that suddenly, I started doing ghusl after it, but don't remember how or when I learned I have to or if I finally understood the rulings, or I searched online...I have no memory of it at all.

What do I do in this situation? Will Allah forgive me, or do I have to redo these prayers and fasts? What if I actually didn't do ghusl because of my own carelessness on the matter while knowing the rulings, or laziness, or brushing it off, etc?

It was years ago, so I'm not sure of anything and when I think about it, I get more confused, and I started doubting myself more thinking that I was the reason and I need to re-do everything, but I don't know how many prayers.

Please help me get over this and guide me!


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1 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Aleikum,

    Don't worry. Allah is All-Forgiving, so surely he will forgive you if you repented sincerely. Before you knew it was haram, you weren't held accountable for doing this "secret act", but why did you continue when you found out that it was? It would've been better if you had stopped. Also, no. You do not have to redo all the prayers you missed. You just need repent just like how you repented for doing the secret act, and try to pray as much nafl salah as possible. Inshallah, Allah will forgive you. Just be sincere when you make tawbah and you'll be fine.

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