Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband watches my mother sleep but says it’s magic!

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

As salam alaikom,

I have been married for five years, and I live with my husband and my mom in the same home. For the first four years, I thought my husband for me was a blessing, but for the last year, he's become a curse.

One night, I got up from sleeping and my husband wasn't in bed with me. I started searching for him and found him in my mom's room. First, I didn't think anything was wrong because of the very good opinion I had of him, but when I found him again another night, I started to think seriously about it. After a sincere discussion, my husband tells me that he got up from sleeping to go in my mom's room, stay there, and see her while sleeping. I asked him why he does that, and he said he doesn't know...he just wants to do it!

My mom is a single mom because my dad died years ago and she doesn't know this thing even happened. What my husband did was the worst thing that someone has done to me in my entire life. How can he do this to me?...Leave me in our marriage bed and go seeing my mom while she is sleeping! This thing lasted for ten days before I realized it was happening. Then, I didn't know what to do because I really love him, and I came to him after a divorce with my first husband, and now I think another divorce will be difficult for me. I don't have power to live a divorce again; I'm very tired of it.

I also have a child from the first marriage, but don't have one from my current husband. I also  don't work, have financial issues, depression...I can't have another divorce now. But how can I love him again after this thing? I' m heartbroken and I don't know what to do.

The first time I know about his behavior after all the discussion, I accepted his apology, I told him to repent to Allah and to give this to Allah, and continue with our life. But this happened again after some months--twice--and now I'm having a pause or separation. He is not living here with me and my mom anymore, but in another house with his non-Muslim parents.

What do I do? I wouldn't want to divorce except for this terrible thing that he's done...anything else would have been tolerable for me and I think I will not find anyone better then him. But this thing was disgusting, he sits and sees my mom sleeping and maybe he is even masturbating upon seeing? It's very disgusting and when it comes from a Muslim man? I can't even think about it now. How could he have had eyes for my mom while he was with me?

I live with my mom because she doesn't have another child and she is sick with a mental illness. If she stays alone she becomes sick very quick, but if she is with people, she is okay. But now that this has happened, how can I continue life this way? I really don't know what to do! My husband says to me that this was from magic...that a relative has done black magic on him for many years and that this behavior of his is one of the consequences of magic he has suffered from for years. So in other words, he does not really want to watch my mom sleeping, but because of the magic and shaitan's whispers, he fell into it.

I don't know what to believe...maybe he is just giving me these reasons because he loves me and doesn't want a separation or divorce. But how can I be the biggest love for him while he does this behind my back? I'm very disappointed and stressed...I haven't spoken with anybody regarding this thing because I find it an awkward and "shy" topic to tell people about. I needed so much to talk about this with anybody. Please help me with your opinions for the sake of Allah! Thank you so much and may Allah preserve you all from these bad situations!

Ladiana


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30 Responses »

  1. I think there is something wrong with you also. How are you more concerned about yourself and complaining about him giving behind your back when he's violating your mother's privacy. Waking up in the middle of the night to watch her sleep is giving weird vibes. Who knows he could be sexually assaulting her and you're here worried about yourself. Your mother doesn't deserve to have a daughter like you.

    Investigate ask your mother if she gets touched during sleep and stuff. And then tell your husband to completely stop it or else you will take him to authority and divorce him.

    • Yes you have right, my mother doesn't deserve to have a daugjter like me. Maybe i would be a better daughter if i got another home living with my husband and have my own life. Maybe this had never happened.

  2. You need to have a talk with your husband regarding his behaviour.what is doing is wrong and you need to remind him. Take gim to a mufti or someone who can tell him that what he is doing is unacceptable.

    Talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel and what would someone think if they knew you do this wierd act.She is just like his mother and he should treat her the same way.

    Allah knows best

  3. Asalamualaykum Ladiana,

    Honestly, this is one of the most bizarre stories I have read on this site. Your husband needs to repent from violating your AND your mom's trust. You need to have a serious talk with him and lay out consequences for his behavior, including counseling, separation, or divorce if things do not improve. Do not take any talk of Jinns or shaitan and point blank tell him that this is not acceptable to you and you do not care about the reasons he is doing it...only that he stop doing this.

    I also would try to discern if your mother is aware of this or not. I imagine she isn't. You'll have to decide whether you want to tell her or not. You don't want her to feel unsafe in her own home and stress her out, but you want to make sure she takes precautions such as locking her door at night.

    This is truly strange. Please seek out Allah's help and make Dua that your husband mends his ways.

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • Seriously can you just imagine how scary that is to wake up in the middle of the night and see a figure towering over you with their shadow. Proper scary that is. Weird vibes level 100000

    • No excuse , just leave your husband, he is a lose character person and habits he has never be improved only be realizing him. Leave him period, no love shav. You are also not safe. By the way you should also ask couple of questions to your mom without knowing her what’s going on around her.

  4. Sister, Allah makes ways as He says many times in the Quran.
    Leave this man. This is not fair on your mother.

  5. I think if a person looks at his mother-in-law with lust, then the Nikah gets null and void automatically and he can never marry his wife again, not even after "halalah".

    So, better confirm with a trusted Islamic scholar if the nikah is even valid.
    Moreover, why would you want to live with such a person. I believe black magic is not that easy to cast. Allah knows everything, from my limited knowledge, I think black magic is just an excuse here.

    • "I think if a person looks at his mother-in-law with lust, then the Nikah gets null and void automatically and he can never marry his wife again, not even after "halalah"." - Never heard of that before. Doesn't say that in the Qur'an and I've never read a Hadith that says that, nor, have I ever come across an Imam saying that.

      I have no idea where you got that from.

    • Looking at your MIL with lust is one thing. The MIL might be a gorgeous woman who has that affect on men everywhere.
      That happens, is not common but is normal and the man should keep his distance and avoid contact with the MIL. There could be a small age difference between the husband and the MIL. In that case it's strongly advised for the man to definitely not live in the same house with her. Sneaking into her bedroom and watching her sleep is something else. It's a crime.

      A man having or attempting to have sexual contact with his step daughter is a criminal. He can seek Allah's forgiveness while he is in jail. No one needs to have any Koranic/Islamic or religious knowledge, training or credentials to know it is wrong and a crime. The person the man tries to have contact with is innocent and should be treated accordingly. If a man steals from a shopkeeper, no one tells the shopkeeper to seek Allah's forgiveness for being a victim. In some societies, the shopkeeper gets funds to compensate his losses. The same is true when a child is sexually pursued by a parent.

  6. Salaams Sister. Your husband is some kind of perv. He is lying to you. Magic has nothing to do with you watching your mother sleep. That is the BS that a perv tells someone who does not know any better. Tell him he has to move out and seek a khula divorce, or tell him to divorce you. It is important, but don't concern yourself with finances, as your husband will have to support you because of his inappropriate perv behavior. In Islam a man should not be alone with a woman who is not related to him. He certain should not be entering the bedroom of sleeping woman. That is considered a crime. If I woke up and found an in-law watching me sleep, he would get himself seriously hurt . An ambulance or the police might have to be called for that person. Talk with your mother and possible make different sleeping arrangements until he leaves or you move out. There is no harm getting a second divorce, especially in light of your circumstances. There is a strong possibility of your mother and possibly yourself being in danger. You job is to keep you, your child and mother safe. Stop making excuses. The man is a stone cold creep.

    • Yes it is a big problem in ligjt of my relatives.. if i say this thing to my mom she could be sick very quick thinking about it as she become sick very easy if she has sth to stress about. If i say this thing in my relative i feel very shy to share this with them. How can i say this to them??? it is very creepy thing. i cant say it. they would blame me why i stay with him all this years, how i cant understant him as he had like this pervert manner. But really i didnt understand him cause all this years he was a good husband he even dont talk to random girls on ethernet like many husband does it. But he lost it, he lost his way and i dont know why this happened to us.. anyway im not strong enough to share this shameful deed with others.

  7. This behavior is not acceptable from him .It seems he is heavily under the influence of porn which shows all these illegal stuff .
    It seems he is reverted muslim as you say he has non muslim parents .
    Just ask him if this has to do with porn and he need to be admitted to some counselling centers if porn addict person .Dont believe in magic,Jinns etc .

    Despite all efforts If he is the same person with same dirty habits please leave him .
    As some one has shared some link above as per Hanafi school of though if some one touches his mother in law with lust or look at her privates parts with lust(without clothes ) then that marriage is invalid ..But yes this is complicated topic so you need to take the help of some local islamic scholar to get the correct view .

    • Asalamualaykum abc,

      I agree with your points except one...being a "reverted muslim" has nothing to do with it. There are reverted Muslims that are much more practicing than some who call themselves "muslims." There are Muslims who watch porn and reverts that never have. Muslim is Muslim and once someone has reverted, they are our fellow brothers and sisters and should not be discriminated against for their knowledge, race, etc.

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

      • Yes true ..There are many reverted people who are far better than born muslims ..
        I left my sentence half way there .I wanted to say if some one is reverted I would have given more chances compare to born muslim as some times reverts might take time..But here this is so straightforward case as even a person from any faith will dislike this behavior so might not be required to give more chances

    • Yes he also tell me at the time he was making that mistake, he was seeing some kind of porn videos.

      • Ladiana,

        Has he stopped watching such videos? Have you ever caught him watching porn? Because porn can lead to a plethora of other sins and problems. If he has stopped, he may be becoming a better husband soon.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  8. I think better to take divorce .But before taking this decision ask your mother frankly has he touched her or done any sexual advances or passed any comments ..
    If it's done then divorce him immediately

  9. This thing lasted for ten years! You let it happen?? Something tells me that your mom does something to lure him at night. I am sorry to say. You already talked to your husband. You should talk to your mom too. What kind of a revert is he? Practicing one or just reverted because he believes in Islam.

  10. Sister i am witness i have heard the same case with another person and he was actually suffered from the black magic then he was treated by a ruqaiya from a practicing muslim play the ruqaiya in your house both of you listento it and ask your husband to recite it every day also do the adkar of morning and evening and ask Allah to show the real person behind this evil act . please don't mind have check and balance on your mother too how she is not aware of this act for past many years

  11. Thank you all for your opinions and answers you help me a lot

    Jazzak Allahu khayran kethiran!

    As salamu alaikom

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