Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband said “I divorce you” in anger. Am I Islamically divorced?

Angry man, man with temper


A few months, ago, my husband said “I divorce you” three times, in front of my immediate family. I was going through postpartum symptoms and pain because I had a baby via C-section. I had not even healed when my husband decided he wanted to end the marriage.

We had been going through some tough times but I never imagined he would do this to me. Since my immediate family was over he decided to have a meeting with them while I was with the baby. He told them all of our problems and everything bad about me.

When I went to join them, my family was not yelling but trying to have a conversation with him as to why he or I never told them anything. He got defensive and started to go crazy. He was yelling and pacing back and forth. And it was then, in the heat of the moment, that he said “I divorce you” three times. He picked up his phone and called the first person on his contact list, and started yelling. I had no idea what even happened.

My family left with hesitation because they were not sure if it was safe to leave me in my condition while he lost his mind completely. They left and I stayed with the kids for a week. In that week he didn’t eat or sleep. I saw him walking in the driveway in the middle of the night back and forth. We didn’t speak. I decided to leave with the kids. I told him and he was fine with it.

It’s been a few months. I was going back to the house with the kids and we were trying to mend the damage. We both apologized to one another. Now he is saying that our marriage is over. So is it over or not?

Sister Watermelon

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2 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Watermelon,

    If this was a transient anger where he happened to voice things he didn't really mean, then I'd not consider it divorce. We all behave irrationally when angered or in hot spirits.

    What concerns me is that several months later, he is still "angry." If at this point, he is saying the marriage is over, I'd say he means it enough for you to take notice and act accordingly. Stay separated and give him time to think and come to a definite conclusion. But definitely don't wait for him beyond what is comfortable for you.

    Try to stay focused on your kids and their needs while you are waiting for him to come to a decision. If he really meant it, how would you feel? Think about that too, because ending the marriage may be in both of your best interests.

    Also, pacing back and forth in the driveway in the middle of the night, not sleeping or eating, is on the extreme side. Do you know if he's ever been diagnosed with an illness?



  2. It is only considered as one divorce not three times. So it you guys decide to get back together you guys can do that. A lot of men will be going a lot of pressure due to economic stresses. The source of the problem can be just be that. So need to make an effort to calm him down by calming your family down. Then initiate a process to understand the issues at hand.

    Once one knows what the issue is then get a knowledgeable Shaykh involded.

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