Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry out of love but my father is super stubborn



I want to get some advice from y’all about the situation I am in. I am 19 and South Asian. My dad is very religious and strict but my mom is pretty chill but has to obey what my dad says so she doesn’t have much of a voice.

Recently, I met a guy and I like him a lot. He’s from a different country and MashaAllah a very good Muslim. We’re both serious and want to make things halal. His parents are agreeing but my parents are very tough about love marriages. My dad believes in arranged marriage and thinks he makes the best decisions for us. He is very stubborn, thinks he is always right and I have always been scared of him and his anger so our bond isn’t as strong.

Until this day, I have done everything he has asked me to, but he doesn’t listen to what I have to say. Please advise me on how to tell my dad that i want to marry of my choice because I am extremely scared of what he will do if he finds out.

If anyone has any experience with egotistic, stubborn parents with anger issues, please do share how you dealt with them because I feel extremely hopeless and am getting suicidal thoughts. I have started hating him for what he does and how strict he is to the point where I can’t breathe around him. I get severe anxiety every time he is around. I am so worried and confused. Please guide me about my situation.



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2 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    This may take several attempts at you speaking your mind in a respectful way.

    I would suggest asking your father if there is a time suitable for him to have a serious conversation with you.

    Once scheduled, I would then bring up the issue, from the heart, and share how important it is to you. If he doesn't listen, cuts you off, etc...then just know that you may have a bit of struggle ahead of you. Drop the topic for the time being, knowing that at least you planted a seed of thought in his mind, which he may ponder over in his own time.

    Then revisit the topic at a future time. You may have to ease your father into this, unfair as it may seem, because his cultural background and rules are far different from yours.

    InshaAllah through honest, adult conversation where neither party loses their cool, this can be resolved 🙂


  2. To: Sister Nor,
    This is a separate question. Nothing to do with the post.
    How is brother Wael doing. I have not heard from him and I have emailed him a while back. I hope he is ok, InshaAllah. Please let me know by email. You can delete my message here after reading it.
    Jazak Allah Khair

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