Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Father uses physical violence, so we reported him to law enforcement.

beating abuse physical children


My parents fight a lot with each other. They use bad words for each other and eventually my father beats my mother. My mother is not happy with my father because he is not financially stable and all the things we get are from our mother's money as she is an ex-officer. My father is a businessman and doesn't earn well.

I don't know if this is true or not, but my father and his family is not happy with my mother. So he beats my mother and when we try to stop him from beating our mother he abuses us too. It's been 20 years since me and my sister have seen them fighting over petty things. We have become mentally and emotionally weak. Sometimes we get suicidal thoughts because it gets really difficult to live in such an environment.

Some days ago, my parents fought again and my father beat my mom again in inhumane way. My sister and I stopped him but being girls, we were not able to stop him and he beat us too in a very inhumane way and cursed us. My sister got angry and answered him back, so he again beat her. So we filed a complaint against him at the police station because we felt really depressed and scared at that time. If we defend our mother, our father gets angry, and if we defend our father, our mother gets angry.

Now can somebody please tell me what to do?

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1 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Brother or Sister,

    I'm so sorry that you are witnessing and experiencing this discord between your parents and your father's totally unacceptable and abusive behavior. You did the right thing by calling law enforcement/police. Has your father's behavior changed since then?

    The best thing you can do in this situation is pray to Allah and plead to him daily to help guide your father and bring peace to your home. You have to remember that even though this has been occurring for 20 years, it has a limit, as everything in this Dunya is temporary. Place your hopes on Allah and on that fact. Allah loves you and dislikes what your father is doing.

    I grew up witnessing and experiencing abuse as well, both psychological and physical, as you describe. It is a harrowing journey out of that, but I can tell you that I never gave up fighting or on my parents despite their abuse, and things are much improved, albeit not perfect. That "not perfect" part? I deal with it by remembering just what I've told you: that everything is temporary and this Dunya isn't meant to be perfect or our final destination.

    Every time your father is physically abusive, you should call law enforcement, just as you have done. This is vital. People like him may not be scared of others, but they tend to take law enforcement more seriously. So you are doing everything right.

    Please do not give up on fighting this abuse, your personal safety, or on your father. If you can balance those three things along with regular prayer, things will improve, I promise. One day you will look back and think, "Wow, I can't believe it but things are actually calm now."



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