Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents forced our marriage but I haven’t seen him for four years!

Forced marriage poster for people in the UKAsalamu Alaykum,

My parents are not bad people; they're the kindest people and deen-following people, they care for me a lot...I know that and I know they want the best for me. But I have been in an arranged marriage for the past four years, and during that time, I have not seen my husband at all!

I agreed to the marriage because of my parents--I didn't want to hurt or disregard and disrespect them, even though I did not want and still do not want to be in this marriage. I was emotionally manipulated, forced to go with this marriage because he's a good man and "I will never find a man like him in my life" (he's a relative).

My parents say they didn't force me and that and I made the decision to go through with this and I made a promise I can't break. I agreed because of the immense pressure I was under, I was scared, and wasn't thinking properly. I refused three times but my parents didn't listen to me nor did he. Every time I refused, they kept shouting, ignoring me, saying horrible things to me.

We keep on getting into fights that have become problematic to me--it's so disgusting and unbearable. They keep saying things like: "elders are involved in this, what are people going to say about us, people are going to think we are people who break promises, you're going to ruin your sister's chances, our face/reputation will be finished." They're not thinking of me at all.

The mental health I have struggled with within these four years, fits, severe anxiety, and panic attacks; they have disregarded all this and I get called names for it. What I'm trying to ask you is, is this okay or is this wrong? Should I be in this marriage for the sake of my parents or should I leave for my sake?

I really need help, I don't know who to talk to anymore. Please help. (I know I have rights in marriage and the right to refuse but unfortunately, I have been robbed from it). I hope this message comes to you safely. I hope you can read this message and advise me.



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2 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Ano,

    Your parents are in the wrong here for forcing you into a marriage you didn't want, as long as you were emotionally blackmailed and you didn't have control (Allah knows). You have the right to divorce without consequence.


  2. They don't listen they don't want, I keep getting verbally abused! I'm stuck! in this!
    He lives in Saudi Arabia and I live in London! And works for telecommunications! I've told him at the early stage of the marriage, can you help me end this from your side! They'll only listen maybe to you! (" because once they said if divorce is a matter then it should come from his side" ) He refused as said that I should do it myself! That's when I realized I'm on my own and no one is going to listen! They're completely forgetting Islam/Allah and just believing their so-called correct ideology and promises being made! They don't care, ! "it's for your own good" your not going to find anyone better than him

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