Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He won’t admit to smoking, drinking, or abuse. Should I get divorced?

Smoking and drinking

Assalamu Alaikum,

I have been married for one year, but we've lived together only for four months because my husband is abroad. I've asked him to take me with him abroad but he says it's not possible due to coronavirus. Also, I have not seen any interest from his side or his parents’ side to get a visa or anything.

It is only after marriage that I came to know about my husband’s smoking habits, and on a few occasions, I even got the smell of liquor from his mouth. When I inquired about this to him, he said that the smell is because his friends smoked and drank in front of him and he did not do any of it. But they make wine in their home, and I came to know all of this only after marriage.

He is also not very regular in prayers and fasting and I have to keep on asking him to pray. There have been a few incidents of physical and verbal abuse too. I live with his family and they interfere in our lives to the extent that he sometimes records our phone conversations and sends them to his parents!

I am in such a tragic situation that I don't know what to do. I keep on praying to Allah, but day by day I think I am falling into depression. I still love him but I don't know whether I can completely trust him.  Can someone please advise me what should I be doing? Is there anyway I can get my life back altogether?





Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Salam sister

    Free yourself from this family and toxic relationship before it is too late.

    I hope you dont have any plan to bring another soul to this world!

    I want to ask you, what do you love about your husband? Is he handsome? Is he caring? What is making you stay?

    You have valid reasons to leave him; 1) he doesnt pray regularly, this is very serious 2) He and his family consume alcohol, which is not healthy

    May Allah make everything easy for you, Ameen!!!
    May Allah be with you

    Ma'a Salama

    • Also, want to add to the comment above

      What makes you love him???

      - Doesn’t show interest to apply for to visit or stay with him abroad
      - is physical and verbal abusive to you
      - Sends your phone record conversations to his family

      You listed so many bad things about him and his family. That’s who he is from the beginning and always was. Don’t think you can change him. Talk to your family. They will help you get out of this. Leave soon before get pregnant.

  2. Oh Dear,

    He is recording conversations between yourselves and sending them to his family? That alone is a gross breach of trust worthy of divorce.

    He doesn't think much of you. Get rid of him before he ruins your life even more and find someone who you are COMPATIBLE with. Don't marry on looks or wealth, list all the qualities you want in a husband and find someone who meets all the essential ones and most of the desired ones. For goodness sake, check them out before you enter into anything. The fact that this family drinks and don't pray properly should have been discovered and the proposal rejected. Don't make the same mistake twice!

  3. Dear daughter, I just want to say listen to those who has already advice you. In my opinion , there is no love without respect. Come out from this crunch as soon as possible. Good luck

  4. Salam

    Whoever was your guardian failed you miserably and did not do their job. We have guardians for a reason and its not there to make it all romantic and Disney. They have a job a role which they need to fulfil. The fact you coming to learn about these habits after marriage is a scam. Drinking alcohol and smoking is serious in Islam means you cannot pray for the next month. And if you have kids with this guy, the kids will pick up the bad habits. And also with you being around his bad habits makes you accessible too for punishment.

    If you love and want to be with really bad. Then give him an ultimatum where he has to change his habit or you will ask him for divorce. If you can bring your bother involved that would be great someone you can trust to keep his habits secret. You can also try bring an imam to their house and do some reciting of the Quran or you can do it yourself. Help boost everyone's iman.

Leave a Response