Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Drunken husband having an affair, I have no money to leave

Asalamualaykum,

I am married 10 years to a man having illegal affair with a Christian nurse working in Dubai. He is also a chain drunk. He spends all his money for her happiness.

I sacrificed my career for him. My parents didn't take care of my life. They didnt want the burden of mine.

What can I do? I pray dua in every namaz but Allah didn't answer me. Now I pray for my death soon happens because I can't bear the burden.

- alal.alal

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4 Responses »

  1. Are you in Dubai? Do you have children? There are more questions than answers regarding your predicament.

    Make istikkarrah. Make Astaghfar. See if you can get a job to support yourself and children if there are any.

    Seek the counsel of a righteous and credible scholar. See if they advise divorce.

  2. Walaikum Salaam Dear Sister,
    Allah has already answered your du'a, Allah doesn't put on you more than you can bear. In shaa Allah this will help, here what a scholar said

    If the husband is having haraam relationships with other women, this is a reason which makes it permissible for the wife to seek talaaq or khul‘, so as to protect herself and her honour, and as a precaution against diseases that the husband may bring because of these relationships.

    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allah preserve him) said, explaining what justifies seeking talaaq or khul‘: If the woman dislikes her husband’s character, such as if he is harsh or hot-tempered or quick-tempered or gets angry a great deal for the slightest reason and rebukes for the slightest shortcoming, then she has the right to seek divorce by khul‘.

    Secondly:

    If she dislikes his physical make-up, such as if he has a defect or is ugly or is lacking in one of his senses, then she has the right to seek divorce by khul‘.

    Thirdly:

    If he is lacking in religious commitment, such as if he does not pray or is careless us about praying in congregation or breaks the fast in Ramadan without any excuse, or he does haraam things such as zina, drinking alcohol, listening to songs and music, and so on, then she has the right to ask for divorce by khul‘.

    Fourthly:

    If he denies her her rights to maintenance, clothing and other essential needs and he is able to provide that, then she has the right to ask for divorce by khul‘.

    Fifthly:

    If he does not give her her right to regular intimacy and that which will keep her chaste because of impotence (inability to have intercourse) or because he is not interested in her or is attracted to someone else, or he does not divide his time equally (among co-wives), then she has the right to ask for divorce by khul‘.

    And Allah knows best. End quote.

  3. Trust that Allah is coming to your aide, keep up your Salah and du'a

  4. An adultering drunk for a husband is not something you should put up with at any cost.

    You need to get help to get away from him. Did your parents not agree to the marriage? If so, this is the time to apologise and explain the situation so that they can help you. You will likely get a positive reaction from your parents if you're apologetic, after all there must be reason why they chose not to burden themselves in your affairs.

    If this is not possible or does not work out, you need to restart your abandoned career somehow, its the only way you will get them means to leave him. The other option is to find a potential husband and divorce your present one. You may find single fathers looking for a mother for their child/children and would be happy to merge with you and your children if you have any. If you're single it would be a lot easier as the field is much bigger.

    You need to leave him and as a muslim suicide is not an option as the punishment for suicide is that you will be doing your act of suicide forever in hell, so you will not be getting away from this horrible situation, but living it eternally.

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