IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Salam,

I reverted to Islam in March and very shortly after met my boyfriend (I know it is forbidden to date but I fell in love with this man and we plan to get married soon). He asked me about my past and I only told him half of my past, altering numbers because I felt ashamed and afraid of judgement and didn’t want my past to weigh me down. However, I felt guilty lying and started revealing even more. He made it very clear how important it was to him.

The more I revealed, the more he shamed me for my past. Over the past few months, he has blamed me for the failing of our relationship and treated me differently. I took accountability and have tried earning his trust back but out of guilt, I’ve eventually told him everything and he now says he can't forgive me. He has called me a hoe, liar, evil person, and made me out as though I am the only one who has committed this lie.

A week ago, I remembered something else from my past (I genuinely had forgotten and told him instantly because he has consistently asked me for the smallest of details regarding my past). He said he couldn’t forgive me, no matter how much I begged and pleaded. But this morning, he told me he too had lied about how many people he'd had sex with (something which I hadn’t lied about) and the amount really hurt me. He said he lied out of shame and guilt and now wants to get back with me.

I don’t understand, I feel really hurt and as though he has enjoyed making me suffer for the past few months regarding my past. We fell in love and then all of this started to happen. I feel he has been so unfair to me because he has treated me the way he has when all along he lied too and to a much greater degree. I felt guilty for not telling him after he kept digging deeper, but he felt no guilt at all no matter how many times I asked.

In his defense...I chose to reveal my past slowly bit by bit because I couldn’t take the judgment and shame it brought me. He forgave me every time but now I wonder if it was just because he was hiding much more. I don’t know what to do...I love him and understand that what I did was wrong. I thought I could conceal my past sins and only tell him enough to have a broad idea. I am hurt at how he has used my past against me and I wouldn’t have done the same to him if I knew his past.

I am hurt that he has made me feel as though I am the only liar. I understand he felt shame from his past because that’s what I’ve felt and I understand why he didn’t want to tell me. I really don’t know what to do. Please help me. Aside from this, he has been loving, protective and respectful. We have met each others' families and everything is perfect except for this.

What should I do?

Sunflower