Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I knew my family wouldn’t approve of our marriage, but I was weak.

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam


I have been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years. He has a supportive family:  His whole family knows about me and they are ready for the nikkah. The problem is that my family is strict and don't allow marriage outside the family.

He was the one who proposed to me first. At that time, we were very young and I started to fall for him, but I knew my family wouldn't allow it. But he said "Allah is with us and In sha Allah we will get married." So that was the time our relationship started.

When my mother came to know about our relationship, she ordered me to leave him ASAP, but I couldn't do that...instead, I continued without anyone knowing, and we even got a little physical in the meantime, which was hitting me hard at night--that I am doing wrong.

We had to move to another city due to my father's job and I got admitted there in a university. That boy left his home and came here for me and is living in hostel right now! The thing is, I've realized very very late that I am on the wrong path, and what if after studies my parents don't let me marry him?

I have explained everything to him but he is very depressed and calling me a "time passer." He says that he is alone here and came all the way here just for me...and that if I leave him he will be left alone and without his family. I feel so bad for him now.

I wish I had realized a little earlier that I was doing the wrong thing. Can anyone please guide me? What Can I do in this situation? Thank you.


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6 Responses »

  1. Valaikum salam varah...

    Let him to wait until ur parents accept this relationship.. If he really worried to miss you the he will wait or else he needs you until he finds his future wife and leave u by showing as nothing happened before.. It's all boys mentality. . So is he really that important than our almighty words..

    May Allah gives you a right path and put u in peace of mind

  2. What you are doing is haram. Please leave him.

  3. You were in a relationship for 3 years. You know that you can’t marry anyone outside your family, be forced to marry a cousin, you shouldn’t have gotten in the relationship with the guy. I can see why he called you a “time passer”. You either let him go or tell your parents. Ask your parents why is it wrong to marry outside your family when Islam allows it. Tell them that their cultural minded is not Islamic- you can’t trust to marry a non-relative…BS!

    • I agree. If you loved him, you wouldn't lead him on. And what you are doing is haram for leading him on. Most men will drop you in a heartbeat. But this guy seems to stick around no matter what because he believed you loved him. again, not a lot of men are like him nowadays. Consider yourself lucky. As Tami said, let him go now or tell your parents. I am sorry to say, but you sound selfish.

  4. Salam Alykum

    The Messenger of Allah said: "When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and discord (Fasad). If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and discord (Fasad)." They said: "O Messenger of Allah! What if there was something about him?" He said: "When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry him." (And he (pbuh) said this) three times.

    I think your parents are unfair of rejecting people just because they are out of the family. Try to be diplomatic with your parents and try to convince them with nice words. I think the guy is honest and genuine since he made all of this efforts for you, but if you are sure you don't want him try to be clear with him about it so you don't waste his time.

    May Allah guide you to the best.

  5. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    Your family is not following Islamic guidance in prohibiting marriage outside your family. If anything, marrying inside the family can create some problems, although it is permissible.

    Please do not string this poor brother along. Get up the courage to end it with him. Rehearse what you will say ahead of time so that you minimize hurt feelings. The relationship wasn't halal, but you can end it in a halal way.



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