What’s the point of marriage when it becomes “sex-less” eventually anyways?
Salam,
About three weeks ago, I made a post but forgot about it. I'm making another post as the previous one didn't get many responses. So I am an 18- year-old boy and have been suffering from this issue for many, MANY years. I have looked for solutions to end this suffering and frustration yet I am still stuck. I don't know what to do. There's no way out for me.
My sexual frustration, the longer it goes on, will ruin my mental health. My sexual urges are extremely high. They have led me to the sin of masturbating, which I'm trying to stop and will stop InshaAllah. The problem is that I'm living in a hypersexualized world, where there are so many temptations and sex and attractive women are everywhere...yet I can't have these things because I'm a Muslim. The women I want are non- Muslims, and I'm a Muslim so can't really marry them either.
The most important point I want to make is that I don't ever want to get married. I have just given up on ever getting married. It just feels so hopeless. I have grown to have resentment for not being able to have sex. Yet at the same time my sexual urges are killing me from the inside despite wanting to stay celibate for rest of my life. I have tried everything to seek help from others and solve this problem, but I haven't succeeded. There's just no one in real life I know that can help me, to whom I can talk about my problem.
I just hate being attracted to women. I hate wanting sex so much. I hate having these desires. I believe having these desires is bad and evil. I believe being sexually attracted to women is objectifying women and marriage isn't really for satisfying desires (I'm sure women/feminists will be happy that one less man on the planet will be attracted to them since being sexually attracted to women is so objectifying). Plus, most marriages end up sexless eventually, according to the stories of numerous married people. So why waste time, money and effort getting married if I will only be getting sex for the first 2-3 years or like once in a month?
I don't know what to do. Please help me. I have been trying to solve this issue for years, but I am stuck. There's no way out for me. I'm helpless and want to cry so bad.
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Bro I posted the same question as yours on this website 10 years ago. At that time I was 16, today I'm 26.
Teenage hormones and sexual urges had crushed me and my life..at that time, marriage seemed a far off impossibility. 7-8 years were full of pain and silent suffering..
By Allah's will, I kept on struggling and fighting my desires and tried my best to have taqwa..masjid and good islamic company kept me afloat amidst the crazy world out there..
Today I type this to your post with my wife by my side Alhumdulillah. Marriage is a big shield against these desires..
Point is...Allah's help surely arrives for those who see it through patience and prayer. We are weak and it seems to us that we're stuck forever. But these years of your struggle against these desires will make you a unique individual and someone who has a special state with Allah.
Never lose hope..when u fall, pick urself up and turn to Him. Repeat until you reach your goal.
Brother, what a great comment! So glad to hear how things have worked out for you, alhamdulillah. What a barakah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Jazak Allah brother.
If I remember correctly, your full name was Wael AbdulJawad?
I read a lot of your comments here back in the day. Great responses mashaAllah.
Glad to see you people have hung around for so long and are still providing counsel for people.
May Allah Taala reward you and your team.
Yes, that’s me 🙂 Thanks for your words akhi.
Yes brother, it's hard but I know Allah will definitely reward me with all the things I want in this life and the next.
I know it will be the most difficult for me because I will struggle with this until my death because you know, I am never getting married. But I will let my desires torture me, so that torture can make me into someone new, a greater version of myself.
Forgot to congratulate you, brother. May Allah bless you both with a peaceful marriage till death.
Anyways, I'm not ever getting married. I have decided to live a life free of marriage and sex. Yes, it sounds like a lonely existence, but I believe it's the best choice for me. I must suppress my desires. I must let these desires torture me, as they already have tortured me for so long, so letting it torment me till death is nothing.