Islamic marriage advice and family advice

If Allah has already written a bad fate for me, why should I even pray?

 

angry wifeSalam,

I'll admit I have gotten blessings in life that I have received through my parents and I'm thankful to them for it and sometimes feel like I don't deserve them. But I have a grudge against God. I have intense bouts of anger where I can't even speak to anybody for days. In these moments, I end up hitting myself and self-harming.

Every day, I think about all my dreams of wanting to travel, live abroad, and make a career for myself like everyone else in my circle. I think about how Allah blessed them with good careers, good looks, intelligence, and spouses I can only dream about. And I feel so envious. Meanwhile, I have low IQ and even though I've lived in an English-speaking country for a decade, I still can't write or speak proper English.

Furthermore, I'm ugly. I don't have nice features and as icing on the cake, I have inherited female pattern baldness from my mother's side. I just want to be free and do what I want but there is always an obstacle and I think that God created these limitations for me so that I can't achieve what I want and thinking about it makes me feel so angry.

I tried making Dua but it's useless: you exhaust yourself for nothing. If Allah has written for me that I will never ever receive something, why would I pray like a fool for it? Sometimes I think that accepting my destiny means I'll leave Islam, then I'll be at peace. I just want to be happy...is that too much to ask for?!

Scared girl


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4 Responses »

  1. I want you to view these below:

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5113/why-doesnt-allaah-answer-our-duaas

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/84912/mistakes-that-prevent-duaa-from-being-accepted

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/178673/she-is-complaining-about-being-ugly

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZkVhMqk6y8

    Your unhappiness stems from looking at other people and comparing yourself to them and being ungrateful not Allah for the blessings you are given. Allah tests everyone in different ways. Look at those below you and compare your blessings to theirs. If you keep comparing yourself to others then the road will never end. You will always find someone has something better than you, and it will leave you unhappy and ungrateful. Do not look at these social media stars who have fake beauty, who have plastic faces, and who put tons and tons of makeup to make themselves look pretty. That is not real beauty. A person may have outer beauty but they are one of the worst of people inside. They are very disobedient to Allah and commit all types of haram acts and have the worst of character. Sometimes Allah doesn't ease your way towards something you think might be good is because it is actually something bad for you.

    " But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not."
    (Quran 2:216)

    Also, do not forget that this life is temporary.

    "And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion; but the home of the Hereafter is best for those who fear Allāh, so will you not reason?"
    ( Quran 6:32)

    Do not try to make this life your permanent home for you will die one day life those before you have died. Those of them who were obedient slaves of Allah will have everlasting beauty, wealth and happiness.

    It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In Paradise there is a market to which they will come every Friday. Then the north wind will blow and will blow on their faces and garments, and increase them in beauty. Then they will return to their families having increased in beauty and their families will say to them: By Allaah, you have increased in beauty, and they will say: By Allaah, you too have increased in beauty.”

    Narrated by Muslim 2833.

    It is proven in Saheeh al-Bukhaari (2796) from the hadeeth of Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look upon the people of earth, the space between them would be illuminated and filled with fragrance, and the cloth on her head is better than this world and everything in it.”

    The cloth on her head refers to her head cover, as was explained elsewhere by the narrator (6568).

    But it seems that this cloth is part of her adornment with which she beautifies herself for her husband, as is indicated by the context of the hadeeth which is speaking of the beauty of the women of Paradise. This is supported by the report of al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (3/281): “The crown on her head is better than this world and everything in it.”

    Al-Haythami said in al-Majma’ (10/774): Its isnaad is jayyid. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb.

    Remember that you are the slave of Allah, so you must submit yourself to him. He is your lord, you have no right to be angry at him. You must repent for what you have said as some of it could be kufr depending on certain factors. Try happiness isn't found in worldly things. When a person's heart is pure from sins, he will feel immense tranquility and happiness. He will feel tranquility in Salah. He will feel tranquility when performing righteous actions for the sake of Allah. You won't find and feel this tranquility anywhere else except when you obey Allah sincerely and your heart if purified from sins.

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/14289/how-to-repent-in-islam

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/46683/acceptance-of-repentance

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/36902/etiquette-of-making-duaa

    And Allah knows best

  2. Your unhappiness is due to you looking at other people and what they have and being ungrateful to Allah. You will always find someone who will have something better than you do. Do not look at these social media stars who seem to have so much beauty because the truth is that their beauty is fake. They do not look like how a real woman looks like. They have plastic faces, tons of makeup on, filters and much more that gives you this fake picture of them.

    Look at those people who are below you. Compare yourself to them so that you may know the countless blessings you are given. Do you not have eyes to see with? Do you not have a functioning body and brain? How many people are there that do not have these? There are hundreds of millions of people who live below the poverty line, and there are billions that live in poverty.

    So, strive to be grateful to Allah. True happiness is not found in worldly things. When you have a pure heart that is clean from sins, you will truly feel happy. You will feel immense tranquility when you obey Allah or when you pray your Salah properly with Khushoo. And you can't find this peace and tranquility anywhere else. You can only find it in obeying Allah by doing what he has commanded you to do of obedience and abstinence.

    If Allah is withholding something for you that you think is good for you the in reality it might be harmful for you.

    "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allāh knows, while you know not."
    (Quran 2:216)

    You also must never forget that you will die like those who have died before you. Out of them those who were obedient slaves of Allah will have everlasting bliss, beauty and joy.

    "And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion; but the home of the Hereafter is best for those who fear Allāh, so will you not reason?"
    (Quran 6:32)

    It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In Paradise there is a market to which they will come every Friday. Then the north wind will blow and will blow on their faces and garments, and increase them in beauty. Then they will return to their families having increased in beauty and their families will say to them: By Allaah, you have increased in beauty, and they will say: By Allaah, you too have increased in beauty.”

    Narrated by Muslim 2833.

    It is proven in Saheeh al-Bukhaari (2796) from the hadeeth of Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look upon the people of earth, the space between them would be illuminated and filled with fragrance, and the cloth on her head is better than this world and everything in it.”

    The cloth on her head refers to her head cover, as was explained elsewhere by the narrator (6568).

    But it seems that this cloth is part of her adornment with which she beautifies herself for her husband, as is indicated by the context of the hadeeth which is speaking of the beauty of the women of Paradise. This is supported by the report of al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (3/281): “The crown on her head is better than this world and everything in it.”

    Al-Haythami said in al-Majma’ (10/774): Its isnaad is jayyid. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb.

    You must not forget that Allah tests people in different ways.
    "Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?"
    (Quran 29:2)

    There are several reasons that your dua is not accepted.

    View these links below:

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/84912/mistakes-that-prevent-duaa-from-being-accepted

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/36902/etiquette-of-making-duaa

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5113/why-doesnt-allaah-answer-our-duaas

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/178673/she-is-complaining-about-being-ugly

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZkVhMqk6y8

    You must repent for what you have said. Allah is your lord and you are his slave. Your lord is the most just. You have no right to be angry at him. Some of your statements might be kufr.

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/46683/acceptance-of-repentance

    And Allah knows best

  3. Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah,

    A Muslim never gets hopeless just because s/he is a Muslim. This world is a life of test. Every decree of Allah Taala has a wisdom. He has given us pain and sorrow to test us. What is in fate is not a matter of question/research. We need to submit completely to Him, the Lord of the worlds. Do abundant Istegfar to have possessed ill feeling toward your Merciful Lord! Close your eyes for some time everyday and contemplate on the blessings of Allah subhanu wa Taala has provided you. Read the meaning and commentary of Two Suras sincerely, to awake and invoke the right understanding of Islam and Imaan. Do not despair! Do not ruin your beautiful life being in the pitfall of shaiytan and evil vices. Never forget that this worldly life is indeed a test and we will be recompensed in the Afterlife soon!

    See what Allah says:

    يَا أَيُّهَا الْإِنسَانُ مَا غَرَّكَ بِرَبِّكَ الْكَرِيمِ
    O mankind, what has deceived you concerning your Lord, the Generous(?)

    Do not busy yourself with thoughts and things those are out of your control. Your fate, what has been written for me...do we ask the same type of questions in case we are hungry or ill etc.? Or Rather, don't we just take food or go to the doctor in these circumstances?! Of course, we do. So why do we think extreme negatively in case of our fate and destiny? These are the whispers of shyatan and our nafs (lower self).

    We need to be sincere, serious and hardworking on Allah's path, inshaAllah His support come! Remember please, even if at the state of patience our death comes in, we are successful in both the worlds!

    How beautiful a pious saint has said: "I get much more happy when (outwardly) my supplications are NOT accepted!" When asked, "Why so", he replied, "See, when I supplicate for something and it is accepted by Allah, my desire fulfills (I directly get what I sought). However, when Allah isn't giving something to me now and my supplication is not being accepted, I feel that Allah has decreed something much better for me and I am very happy that Allah's will is shading me all over, I am happy with His decision!"

    O Allah save us all (Aameen).

  4. In my post I said, Read the meaning and commentary of Two Suras sincerely but forgot to mentions THEIR NAMES..They are: Sura Yusuf and Sura Kahf.

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