Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Scared that I’m about to die!

Salam,

I hope whoever is going through hardship, may Allah grant you ease. Ameen

So I’ll start out with from a young age, I’ve always suffered anxiety, sometimes which I could control and get over and sometimes my parents and family would help me get through it. I’m always a positive person. My whole outlook on life is positivity. Alhamdulillah I’m always happy and bubbly.

But I have a big anxiety, which is death. Four years ago I suffered a major anxiety attack which left me slightly depressed. Anxiety started when I had a dream which left me so scared that I feared for my life. I literally thought I was going to die within the next few months.

It so happened that I was going on holiday the next month, and in my brain, I had instilled that I was to die on that holiday. So for that whole month I panicked, lost my appetite, and cried. Came to the time of the holiday and still panicked. My parents knew of my situation and helped me through it. Alhamdulillah nothing happened on that holiday but I was left depressed and shocked at how I came to believe something like this.

After that I was so negative about everything in life that it took me four months to recover. Alhamdulillah when I recovered, it was the best feeling. And after that I promised myself I would not let myself believe in such waswas again. However, recently I’ve started feeling the same anxiety again and this time it's even worse... I fear so much that I’ll give up or I’ll become mentally unstable. I am so worried that I’ll die soon.

Muslim95

Advertisements

Tagged as: , ,

2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum Muslim95,

    Thank you for writing in with your question and situation. I think it is a multi-faceted problem so I will tackle it in parts.

    Mental Health

    It seems that you have a level of anxiety that may warrant a trip to a psychiatrist or a professional therapist. I say this because this appears to be an ongoing issue for you that has had resurfaced several times even after you put it to rest. Also, you became very convinced that you would die on your vacation, which may even signal psychotic tendencies (delusions in particular). You were so sure you were going to die that you lost your appetite...it was almost as if were a fact in your mind that you would die.

    View of Death

    How do you feel about death as a concept? It is clear that you fear it at the very least. But death is not to be feared...it actually will be a permanent relief for you from the problems and tests of this dunya...in fact, the greater your test, the more relief you will get from death. So allow yourself to think about death as your friend. We will all go at a prescribed time that cannot be brought on or delayed even a second. And Allah's plan for when it will happen is perfect.

    Coping

    Think this over a bit more...or better yet, try to distract yourself from the thoughts if at all possible! It is a normal human phenomenon to be afraid of the unknown, and death is something that no one has come back from the grave to explain to us (yet!). So we all go through this to an extent. If you keep yourself busy with your passions in life or with everyday tasks that "ground" you, you will leave little time for contemplating these existential issues.

    Inshallah this test has a positive purpose for you, and you will discover it very soon. 🙂

    Best,

    Nor

  2. I was always told there are three certainties in life - I disagree, I think there's only one certainty in life. And that is that we're all going to die someday. That's just a fact of life. I have a phobia of death myself, which is why I don't think about death, or even worry a whole lot about the future. because I know I don't control death (unless I take my own life, but I don't want to do that). It might sound weird, but it's very freeing to put death in the hands of Allah, sit back and dettach yourself from thoughts of death. It's very freeing to trust Allah's timing, because you basically take a burden off of your shoulders when you pass it on to someone else (in this case, God).

    Honestly, I often wake up and smile, because I feel so blessed that God allowed me to wake up to see another day - I even say my thanks to God out loud, and I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. You say it yourself that you're a pessimistic person, and I think that's the real issue here. Not your anxiety. Anxiety can be managed well (I used to be anxious as well in certain situations...not really anymore), but you'll still have a problem on your hands with a negative mind. Try to practice gratitude and appreciation for what God has blessed you with. You hear every day in the news about a young person that has lost their life involuntarily...and not even in a peaceful, humane manner. Young women get raped, tortured and murdered, young men get stabbed and shot to death by gangs and thugs...I'm sure most of them were looking forward to growing old. Getting an education. A nice job. A loving spouse. Children. Travelling. Enjoying the pleasures of life such as friendship, good food, music, celebrations...

    Listen, you are still alive and breathing, but wasting so much precious time and energy on being negative and worried. Try to utilise the time you have been blessed with more positively. Instead of worrying about death, enjoy being alive. I feel like Muslims often make enjoyment out to be some kind of sin...it's all about constant ibadah and dhikr in form of praying, going to the masjid and memorising the Quran. I'm not saying we shouldn't do those things, but there are so many different ways to connect to God and your religion. I personally feel very claustrophobic and miserable in mosques, and constant reminders - through reading the Quran - that death is upon us and Hell is an option is not really helpful to me. I feel the most connected to God and Islam when I'm doing beautiful things and truly experiencing what a blessing life is. Many Muslims seem to make negative things like suffering, depression and struggles out to be beautiful things, because they convince themselves they receive rewards for them if they remain passive and accept the negativity - rather than actively trying to make things better for themselves. I personally don't believe anyone gets rewarded for deliberately choosing to be miserable. Only those that truly can't get out of a bad situation can be considered sufferers and oppressed...those are the ones Allah will surely reward. Not those that have every opportunity in the world to better themselves, their life and their circumstances...but choose not to do so.

    Anyway, my point with all of this is that you should probably work a bit on your outlook and attitude towards life in general. It actually a lot of hard work...time you put into improving your life, is time taken away from dwelling on death. I actually am curious about your life: What do you do on the daily? Do you go to school? Do you have a job? Do you have hobbies? Friends? How do you pass your time? Sometimes, having too much time on your hands can make you anxious, depressed and negative...it's really important to keep busy and active :).

Leave a Response