My parents won’t let me marry and have many excuses
Hello all,
I'm a 19-year-old Muslim girl. I want to marry a guy that I have known for a year and a half...he's 26. He is also Muslim, and the love we have for each other is unbreakable. We are trying to get married and make our relationship halal.
His parents are ready for our marriage but my parents don't agree. When I ask my mom "why?," she tells me he lives in another country and she doesn't want me to move away. She also tells me he is not rich, but that doesn't matter to me. Isn't the only thing that should matter if he's on his deen?
I'm very scared and upset because I really want this for myself and to be happy. My dad is very strict and tells me to finish my studies first but I'm doing them online, so I can handle getting married and finishing school. I feel so helpless right now and I wish they would take my thoughts into consideration.
I would appreciate anyone's thoughts, opinions, and advice. Anything please as I feel lonely in this.
Maryyiam
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If your patents give a zvalid Islanic reason thats good But since they are doing it without a valid reason you should contact a mufti or qadhi so that you can change your wali and then you can marry the boy.
Asalamualaykum Sister Maryyam,
You write: "When I ask my mom "why?," she tells me he lives in another country and she doesn't want me to move away. She also tells me he is not rich, but that doesn't matter to me. Isn't the only thing that should matter if he's on his deen?"
You are correct. The only thing that matters is his Deen and your willingness and consent to marry him. Your mother needs to realize that Allah gave you to her for a time, and that, like all children, you must grow up and live your own life. It sounds like she is looking to fulfill her own interests, such as having you close by to help her.
It really irks me when I hear of parents who see their adult children as possessions and utilities. Didn't they grow up and move out of their own parents' homes? Also, a child doesn't have a choice whether to be born or not. They are not "willingly" becoming a child to their parents, so parents should not have any specific expectations of them but rather, let them shine exactly as they are. You would like to move away for marriage, and your mother needs to accept that.
I would pray to Allah to ease your affairs, send praise to Him and blessings to the Prophet (pbuh) and then make a heartfelt dua asking for your parents' heart to be softened toward what is best for you. Inshallah everything will be alright. There is always a blessing in all hardship, and I pray you discern and receive it.
Hugs,
Nor
IslamicAnswers
Oh my god. Just when I was looking for answers for something similar I found this question of yours. Maryyiam sister im 19 too and I'm talking to a guy who's 26 and alhamdulillah he's willing for nikkah but my parents think I should finish my studies first although he's ready to let me finish that after nikkah and the thing is I want this. I want it to be halal as soon as possible. And the major problem is some people saying istikhara isn't working out. And my parents have started to rely on that despite the fact that all muftis tell that it's not compulsory and some even forbid as it's not correct Islamically. No one has seen the unseen and I want to put my faith in Allah only. I prayed actual istikhara Dua and my heart is still there I don't see anything wrong I want it all done Islamically. I feel so helpless I don't know how to convince them at this point. How are you doing now? I pray Allah create ease in your path.. And if anyone reads this please help
Sister you should contact the mufti of yourmosque so that they can make the nearest mahram of your as your wali so that they can overlook your nikkah.Ehat you're patents are doing is clearly not Islamic.