Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My child’s father doesn’t know his child or pay child support

bringing up child baby


Assalam alaikum my dear sisters and brothers,

I am posting my story here as I have read similar stories to mine and I am at a really low point and not sure where to turn. I am a new Muslim and converted to Islam a few years ago Alhamdulillah. I had a nikkah to a Muslim man who became very emotionally abusive and controlling, which really affected my self esteem and iman, so we divorced. I fell into a depression and not long after my divorce I met an Egyptian man who said he had been through a similar abusive marriage and understood exactly how I felt.

Regretfully, I entered into a relationship with him and he told me I was his soulmate and that he loved me so much but wasn’t ready for marriage yet due to the hurt he had experienced. I waited because I stupidly and blindly believed he would heal and want to marry me. He met my family and told me how much he cared for me and then the pandemic hit.

Regretfully, we committed an act (I am too ashamed to say) against our religion and the result of this is that I became pregnant. As soon as I found out, his caring and loving nature vanished and he pressured me to have an abortion. I knew this was very wrong and that a sin would never correct another sin and I know that life should be protected at all costs, so I refused and asked him if we could have a nikkah straight away and raise our baby in an Islamic environment.  He carried on with the pressure to have an abortion then gave up and blocked me on everything.

I was absolutely distraught. I didn’t want anymore contact with him but was hoping he’d come round and put things right as deep down I still believed he was a good man and I wanted to put things right with a marriage.

I know what I did was wrong and I take full responsibility. I have sincerely and truly repented and turned back to Islam by going to the mosque, meeting a new big group of supportive sisters and finding my Iman again. After I gave birth, he got in contact to casually tell me he was getting engaged to someone else. He has since been to see our child a handful of times but refuses to tell his family they have a grandchild because in his words, he won’t look like a good role model. He hasn’t attempted to pay anything towards our child. In fact, I found out he had been seeing this woman at the same time as me!

I just need support and a comforting word, Inshallah.


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4 Responses »

  1. Salamualaikum sister,

    May Allah swt ease your burden and bless you with a good spouse aameen.


  2. I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. I suggest that you put him on child support because your child deserves to be taken care of financially. Honestly, no amount of money will replace having a mate to help you raise your child. If you don't need the money for daily expenses put it into a savings account so your child will have money for college or to start a business when he/she turns 18.

    • Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      I would like to say thank you for taking the time to reply to my story and your kind words. Since posting this her father has married the woman he left for and i pray that Allah swt keeps me as far away as possible from their marriage as he is still attempting to play mind games with me and said he dosent want anyone else to have me. I have applied to child support as we are in America, he knows this and has made it difficult for me.

      Since this horrible experience I have met other reverts that have been through similar experiences and my daughter will grow up to have a strong support network of strong Muslim role models. I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to the emotional trauma that I have undergone particularly during my pregnancy. He said he will see her on his terms when he’s ready but has not told his family or friends and is posing as the newly wed golden boy which makes me feel resentful as I’m struggling alone with a baby whilst he has gone off into the sunset.

      Alhamdulilah for Ramadan and I know I can handle this struggle as part of my Ibadah.

  3. Sister,

    I am so sorry about the pain you are experiencing. I actually finished off your post myself because it seemed important and you didn't finish it. I hope things are better for you now. Perhaps the child support is worth fighting for in a legal manner, because one can always use money. If that is not an option for whatever reason, please rest assured that Allah sees you and your child and knows your need. He never would have allowed this if He wasn't going to take care of you. May you find a much better, more responsible and God-fearing spouse.



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