Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We think my sister has been Jadoo’d

sihr, black magic

As-salamu alaykum,
Me and my family recently found out that my sister went to Bangladesh and married my cousin 3 years ago, when she was 19 years old and he was 29 years old. my first cousin that she is married to is from my mothers side. Their family and my family have been in a family feud for over 30 years.
This news came as a shock to all of us because we never thought she would do something like this, as she has always been very quiet, pious and modest. Has never had a boyfriend or any relation with any boy.
Prior this 4 years ago me and my family went to Bangladesh for my Brother's wedding. We stayed their for two weeks. Within those two weeks my cousin and my sister were getting really close but we did not know or think anything suspicious of any behaviour as we saw him as our brother. Now 4 years later we find out she is married! after we returned from Bangladesh we noticed that our sister was much more short tempered with everyone and was acting very rude to our parents but we didn't think anything of it. now that we have found out she got married, as well as secretly visiting Bangladesh at least three times, every visit being a month long. since we found out she has been arguing with my mum on a daily basis and is it feels as my family is breaking up slowly. she is always backing him up and cant hear a bad word about him. my mum did an Istikhara and she got negative Dream. we think that he has put Jadoo on her as their family hate my Father. my Father does not know about this dilemma yet because we do not know how he will react. my mum is constantly crying, stressing, and praying. we do not know what to do...

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    A few things I got from this post:

    - Her marriage isn't valid if there wasn't a Wali from her side.

    -Sometimes family members don't show their real side or secrets due to the scrutiny they would face hence maybe that's why she kept it a secret.

    -Is your sister arguing for no apparent reason or is it revolving around her and her "husband and the marriage"? One would argue to defend themselves and their decisions. Are you and your mom trying to convince your sister to let go and forget your cousin? That's basically going to end up in an argument. That has nothing to do with Jadoo. People are not going to be the same when under certain circumstances and you cannot say they have black magic unless it is truly evident.

    -Your mother cannot do Istikhara for someone else and make decisions for them. Istikhara is personal guidance and also doesn't give a clear answer. It is upto your sister to do that.

    I'm from Bangladesh and what I've noticed from personal and through other experiences, we Desis sometimes tend to emotionally blackmail our own family members. We, as Muslims, have to set aside our pride and emotions and face the situation and resolve it. I think you all should talk to your sister about this in a civilized manner and resolve and try to accept it. What's done is done and I believe if you force her to make decision she might not like, the situation can get worse. Forgive her for her rash decisions because Allah loves forgiveness. If that doesn't work out, then maybe part ways and have your sister live with your cousin.

    May Allah help you and your family through these issues you are facing and hopefully things can work out. 🙂


  2. Salam,

    I recommend that you not think of "magic" being the answer when her behavior seems odd to you. I highly doubt there is magic involved. Your sister and this guy just fell in love with each other, realized that their parents wouldn't agree to the marriage and got married in secret. I don't know how valid her marriage is because the guy did not get consent from the family but at this point I recommend setting aside differences, explaining to your sister possible issues in the marriage and then letting her make her decision with support from your father. There's a good chance this marriage won't work in the future when she turns 24.

  3. Your family is very irresponsible to keep the father the guardian out.

    And how can you diagnose it with sihr without any clear evidence? A dream means nothing goodness sake. You do understand that our dreams can easily be impacted by emotions and things that you have done during the day and thoughts that you have had.

    Your sister clearly doesn't have a good relationship with your mum so your best option is to involve your dad who has no knowledge, perhaps she will listen to him.

  4. Aselam o alaikum,

    Dear Sister,
    May Allah ease your family's tension and grant them Sabur and success after.

    I am aware of a Similar situation to the one you have described. My friend was in a similar situation to you, her teenage sister had hid and performed nikkah with a very elderly man.
    The family suspected that there was some sort of "magic" involved. So they approached an 'Amil - and good job it was a qualified scholar, and not one of those charlatans.
    The scholar said that the actions of the sister were completely her own and "magic" can not really effect emotions and control one's emotions as such. He said We can not hold someone else responsible for the actions performed by a sound individual with a sound mind. It's our jahiliyah.
    When we can't find an answer - because it may seem irrational or we can't accept it, we normally turn to magic. Because we can't comprehend or we are not willing to comprehend a rational explanation to a somewhat unbelievable event, we turn to magic- because it makes us feel like there is a cause but we are unable to understand it. SubhanAllah.
    I am aware that you have not asked for advice in regards to the actual situation. But I would advise telling your father- he will eventually find out one way or another. And it's best if he hears from you or your Mum rather than someone else outside of your family. It will also be hurtful for him if you hide and conceal your sister's actions.

    Sometimes as children, we want to protect or parents from harm and may hide things from them because it may harm or hurt them. May Allah reward our parents for their uncountable and incomparable efforts! But they are stronger, wiser and much more experienced than us. So approach your father. This will also be good for your mother, as they will support each other and hopefully, her stress will go. this is what happened in my friend's sister's situation also. The father was kept in the dark because the mother and daughter's were scared of how we would act when they found that. But when he found out, he was the backbone of the family and dealt with the whole malarkey wonderfully. His wife was also supported, and it brought the two of them together and made their relationship stronger. Alhamdoulilah.
    Not saying that the same will happen in your situation, but you don't know until you try

    I wish you all the best


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