Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Pregnant with abusive husband’s baby


I have two kids. One is 11 years old and another one is 11 months old. Now I am again pregnant. The problem is that my husband has so many issues. He has an abusive nature, beats me often, addict, no job, having extra marital affair. I am doing a good job but he controlled everything and all the time torturing me. I can't divorce him for several reasons. Please just advise me as now I am pregnant just 5 weeks running. What will I do? Please give me a solution.


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3 Responses »

  1. Ws

    What are you doing in such a relationship? There is no solution except to leave him and to find a way to do that. If you live in the west, it would be easy, as you can have him arrested next time he hits you and banned from approaching you. You can work out visitation rights for children later.

    I afraid these sort of people never get better, an addict who beats you and sleeps with other women is not going to change - you need to give up that hope right now.

    You need to leave this loser right away. Get your family/friends involved so that he is not able to abuse you after you leave him. Things are not going to change unless you make the change. Every year that passes you will regret not leaving him earlier.

  2. I am sorry that you have an abusive husband. No one deserves to be beaten by their spouse or anyone. In your letter you stated that you could not divorce him, but that might be the only solution. To raise your children in this type of environment is not healthy. They will grow up being nervous and afraid that your husband will actually kill you one day. Also consider that your children might become abusive to their spouse or allow their spouse to abuse them because they saw it in their own house as children. I don't want your children to consider it normal behavior to hit another human being. I would also like for you to consider your own health. Most bruises will heal but what if your cheating husband gives you an incurable STD? (Some diseases can be passed to an unborn child.) Who will take care of your children? They need you! I would like for you to consider some of the points I have made. I didn't suggest that you pray to Allah about this because I am sure that you have many times. Since you stated that you have a good job maybe that is Allah's way of facilitating a way out for you. There are many women who don't work and would have no way of taking care of themselves and their children. You have a job and you are paying the bills now. Use your resources to start a new abuse free life. Consider divorcing your husband for the safety of yourself and your children.

  3. Listen sister, understand the psychology behind abuse, the person tries to gain authority and dominance so the women could work for him under full control. Understand that you too have a Nafs inside you that must be protected and this is called protection of izzat e nafs .. if you still don't fight back towards the abuse and more over not taking the action of leaving the guy then it would avoid to have 'traumatic disorders' and you'll have too many disturbing thoughts.. understand that Islam has made men protector of women and she need to have izzat and love .. seriously i believe the guy is a loser leaving him right away can be the most wise decision you'll ever have but Only if you can support your children ..
    seriously the first comment is really worthy involve your friends and family members in it.. because if you don't have the guts to take the action in the mean time.. just understand that you have only one life and one shot that needs to be hit at the right moment at the right time, protect your children and yourself as well because if you don't and the as the days passes by you'll not find too easy to leave the guy that is the truth, its life....
    My mother is the victim of the same abuse, my father has passed away but still she can't avoid to have issues with her thoughts and sometimes she talks to herself standing in the kitchen she was traumatized every day just because of me and my siblings i really fought her saying that why didn't you leave my father at the mean time she said just because of YOU and your sister you were small to be cared .. my mother didn't have the education and opportunity but you have........... and take the action before it gets too late for you .. and Alhamdul'lah before my father passed away he asked forgiveness from my mother thats the same thought she is relieved some times but i really need to focus on her giving her love affection and attention what she needed and you need now ... returning to your family can be a healthy decision .... Imaging about your children they will not prevent to face the abuse and trauma if you don't take the action now ... JazakAllah

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